I bet it doesn't even have wifi or 3g!

It does have one feature. The battery indicator. It will display JLOW on an empty battery

Battery

John’s phone is energy-efficient (1200 mAh), as it does not contain any energy-consuming features. The standby time is more than three weeks. If the battery is full, the right side of the screen features the word ‘JOHNS’. The lower the battery, the fewer letters will be displayed. If your battery is empty, the Phone first shows a ‘J’, followed by ‘LOW’.

Oh god, I want to punch whoever came out with "tap" a button to perform an action in the face.

In GTA IV in the helicopter scene in the last mission, you had to tap a button like 10 times a second for a few seconds. I physically couldn't tap how fast they wanted me to. I ended up installing AutoHotkey to have it try for me.

Liquid of course.

My grandmother is still alive you insensitive clod.

I do!

Oh, wait...

Your link is incorrect.

[[UPDATE: Turns out he did actually release some mosquitoes into the audience, though organizers were quick to reassure that they werenâ(TM)t malarial.]]

I'm still waiting to see if anyone will sue him over releasing bugs at a tech conference.

In this case you are not paying for the plummet, as you said it's cheap (go jump off a bridge) you are paying for the not die at the end of the plummet.