Journal TechnoLust's Journal: So I (Almost) Married A Psycho - and some misc stuff 8
Some of you have asked what was going on with the girl (let's call her G, for girlfriend, to protect the guilty) lately, and I'll admit, I have been very quiet about it. To tell the truth it hasn't been going well and I was waiting to see how things turned out before telling the rest of the story.
As I said in the last report, G and I had decided to not date for a while. Now at first, it was hard because you can't go from spending every day talking to or seeing someone to no contact very easily. At least I can't. Apparently G can. From the time she decided she needed space (about a week before I wrote the last journal) she hasn't called me at all. For the first little bit, I was OK with it. I had put a lot of things on hold to try to be there for her, and I was getting a lot done. Of course I missed her, but I knew it was best. When I first got into this thing, I saw two possibilities, one was wonderful and the other was terrible. I chose to believe that the good one would happen and dispite the warnings of my friends and loved ones, I took a chance. Now you will remember when things started going bad, G chose not to talk to me about it, but instead called my friend (we'll call her F for friend) who then called me. Well, I gave G her space for a few weeks, but I felt we needed to talk about it, at least for the sake of salvaging the friendship if not the relationship. I emailed G telling her that I wished she would call me tell me what was in our future, that it hurt to much to be seperated completely from her. That we didn't have to talk about the relationship, I just wanted to know how school worked out and see her and her daughter. She ignored me. I decided that she was not going to let this work and I should go on with my life. I probably shoulc have left it at that, but I had a nagging little voice in the back of my head saying maybe she was just really busy and didn't actually want this to all end. I wrote her and actual letter (seemed more personal) and mailed it to her. It basically said that I was really hurt that she had chosen to end the relationship this way. I told her that, although I did love her, I couldn't wait for her forever, and I was moving on. I also said that I was curious to know what actually caused her to decide to stop speaking to me. I told her things could have been so wonderful, but she had chosen not to accept that, and we both had to live with that decision. I also asked her to explain to her daughter when she was older that I didn't leave of my own will, and to tell her I loved her like my own.
Today, I got a call from F. She told me that she considered us both her friends and she didn't want to be caught in the middle, but she thought there were some things I needed to know. F said, "For your own good, you need to stay away from [G], she's crazy." And this is her friend. I had told F that G wasn't like she had been in college (G had partied a little too hard in college.) And F told me that I had been blinded by love, that G was actually worse than I had thought. F also told me that G said I blamed everything on F. That I said in the letter that we would still be together if it weren't for F. This was not something I had said. I told F this and she said she new I would never say that. I told her it had never even crossed my mind, that G was a big girl and had made her own decision.
She had also said a lot of other things that weren't true. He perception of things I had said or done were way off base. Even F said that the things G described didn't sound like me or even make sense. Then F said, "There's more, but I think it will hurt your feelings, so I don't know if I should tell you." I told her to tell me anyway, so she did. I have a female friend who was a cop in the city I live in, let's call her C for cop. (C handled G's case when her last boyfriend was hitting her.) F told me that G went to the police station to see C and took the letter. I assume this was to humiliate me to one of my close friends. What G didn't know was that C no longer works there, she took a transfer to a bigger city (the one I work in, it isn't that far away.) So G, finding no way to embarrass me, decided to to hurt me. She showed them the letter and talked about pressing charges. Of course, the letter said that I was over her and I was moving on with my life, and I hoped everthing went well for her. Hardly threatening. So no charges. She can't say I'm harassing her, because I haven't been calling or emailing her and I sent her a total of 1 (non threatening) letter. Also, she can't say I'm stalking her, because I don't drive my car in that part of town. She lives in the ghetto, and there are all kinds of crimes going on there, so I don't go. I rarely went to her apartment when everything was good, because of the neighborhood. Of course I have a house, a better computer, the hot tub, satellite and the DVD player, so we were going to end up here if we wanted to do anything anyway. So that's good, she can't say she never wanted me over there, she was always over here. It's hard to say someone is stalking you when you are going to THEIR house. So basically, she is pissed at me (I still don't know why, but I have a theory.) and she is trying everything she can to hurt me or embarass me. Of course, this is my town, I know everybody, and she knows only a hand full of people (that I introduced her to) so if she starts trying to start stuff, she's going to find out pretty quick how few freinds she actually has.
I really do hate this for her. I can see the potential there. (I almost had her a job lined up as a loan officer at the bank, despite her having no experience. It's good to know people who know people.) But she's going to throw it all away. I think the reason that she didn't want to be with me was that I was too good the her. Now, to all the guys, that sounds weird, but it's true. I've talked to a lot of girls about this, and the ones that know her agree, that she is having trouble dealing with things she has done, and she is punishing herself for them. She's doing this by making sure she is miserable. I've seen this before, but I wouldn't have thought she would do that, but now I have the "blinders" off, and I can see what was going on. Since all this, she has (if she ever was actually trying to get her life straight) decided to revert to her old ways and even "outdo" herself. Apparently she has been sleeping with an ex boyfriend of hers who is now married. Which (whether or not you are religious) is Not Good(TM). I really hate that she has decided to go that way. I could see it happening, but I thought she would chose the other path, the path to happiness. I think this choice was laid before her and she chose of her own free will to go down this path. I guess it's easier than trying to change your life. Anyway, she has made it very clear that we will never have any kind of relationship together. It's been very hard on me, because I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone, but after talking to F, I realize I was in love with an idealized version of what G could be, not what she actually was. But I have learned a lot, and I am learning more as I process the things that have happened. I WILL move on. I won't be in a serious relationship for a little while, but I plan on dating again soon. F and another friend are already asking if they can set me up with some girls they know. That's comforting that they still think I'm a worthwhile person worthy of love, and didn't believe the lies that G told. I'll survive, but this is crazy. I don't believe that I could be so stupid and so naive. (If you don't recognize that phrase, you should try to find a CD or MP3 of Stabbing Westward. I believe that song is number 2 on Wither, Blister, Burn and Peel. I have all their CDs and I listen to them during breakups. They have a lot of language, but they really define the end of a realtionship.)
OK, so now for the misc stuff. My tires are almost bald, and the last time I took my car to a mechanic to test a wheel bearing I thought was making noise, he "test drove" it and bent my rim. After threatening to kick his ass, he refunded my money, and I went somewhere else, only to find out that it was the tire making that noise. So I'm looking at some new rims. I have a 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse GST Turbo. It is hunter green with tinted windows and black GTS lens covers. I found these rims which I think will look great on it. I'm going to get them and have them sent to my cousin's tire store. He's going to hook me up with some sweet low-profile S or H rated tires (not sure what brand yet, I have Pirelli tires on it now, but he can't get those) at cost, and mount and balance them for me. Hey, I am sans girlfriend now, so I can spend money on my car. My car loves me and she never talks back.
I've been fighting a Java Applet for a few weeks now, and I think I finally licked it. It is an applet using RMI to invoke remote methods on a server that has a MS Access database (of all things) on it. The db was given to us by another plant who only let their office people use it. (It is a Quality and EHS nonconformance corrective action request database. If you know what that means, I'm sorry.) We are trying to "empower" our employees by puting all the tools within their reach. Unfortunately, they don't have MS Access on their PCs and I didn't want to buy 50 licenses for the shop PCs to all have it. So this was what I came up with. It might not have been the best way to do it, but it was the only thing I could with the tools/training I had. And since the ODBC drivers for the database and the connectivity and SQL commands all happen on the server, I only had to buy one Access license. Sorry Bill. So anyway, that's almost going now... Next up is a shipping system that integrates with our AS/400, and will pull current shipping rates from Fed EX, UPS, Emory, and all the other shippers we use, and put it into one interface. That should be fun, and I will get to work closely with my boss on this. She will be writing the code that sits on the AS/400 and my java interacts with. I finally get to see what kind of coder she is.
I feel for you! (Score:2)
This was my first stab at a serious relationship and it really hurt. GF even admitted to the whole thing when confronted. Looking back I wish I had gotten over it all sooner, but I can also see why I didn't.
Interestingly enough, three years later, I married the friend that called to report of the (now former) gf.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It is strange how some people feel trapped by relationships with "good people". Maybe the best situation is when each person is feeling like they just barely don't deserve the other and neither one is obviously "pulling up" the other.
Best of luck to you.
I need an editor! (Score:2)
you're better off without her (Score:2)
I've discovered a fairly easy way to get over that. Just ask yourself - would I want this person to be the mother of my children? Then you start to see that there are a lot more important things besides the physical attraction to consider in a relationship.
Now onto you're other issue - that Access database can't be made to scale to 50 simultaneous users. Especially through Java/RMI. Just a tip. If you know that only 5 people or less will be using this DB at the same time you're probably OK, but any more than that and you're likely to run into problems. An easy and affordable solution is at hand. Just get mySQL, which has excellent ODBC and JDBC drivers written for it. You can even use Access as a front end - just create new tables in mySQL, connect to them through the ODBC interface, and insert your Access data in them. Then, if you change the names of your mySQL tables to what the Access tables were, you can probably use all your queries(forms, reports, macros, etc) that you have written in Access.
A Java front end to a mySQL database would easily support 50 simultaneous users, assumming you aren't running the server on some old clunker of a machine.
Re:you're better off without her (Score:2)
Funny thing though, last night an old girlfriend called and said she was driving through on her way to Atlanta and wanted to know if she could crash on the couch. I said no problem, she came by and I told her what all was going on. We had a good time, it wasn't awkward or tense or anything, we just had fun and watched TV for a while. She asked me to give her a massage (in college I almost became a Masseuse, I did everything but buy the table and take the certification test.) I made a joke and asked her if she would misinterpret it as a sexual advance. She laughed and said, "Oh yes, do me now." We laughed and I gave her a massage. My roommate came home and gave me that look, like, wow, you moved on fast. He sat down and watched TV with us for a bit, while I massaged her shoulders, after the show went off, he said he was going to go to a friend's house. She said, "Good, now I can get naked." He gave me a look and left. She didn't really, but it was funny. I guess she was giving me an ego boost in front of my friends to make up for my gf trying to humiliate me. It's nice to know people still care. So that was pretty much all that happened. She slept on the couch and got up in the morning and took a shower and left. She did mention something in front of my roommate about how I had kept her up all night having wild passionate sex and he just looked at me amazed. She left and I told him nothing had happened. But it makes me feel good that she would say that to make me feel better.
On the Java front... this program has to be ACCESSIBLE from every PC in the shop, but hopefully it will rarely be used, since it is to report safety and quality issues in the manufacturing area. I doubt more the 3 people will every use it simultaneously. So I should be OK. Thanks for the tip, though. I would rather have done a mySQL with a Java servlet interface, but sometimes I have to work with existing stuff and they didn't want to rewrite the database. Suck. But it has actually been fun and I learned a lot about RMI, so that's cool. Anyway, I'm about to head to the lake with the Sea Doo, it's to pretty to be inside.
uh... (Score:2)
Max
ghetto... (Score:2)
1) I like the roundness. I like wheels that aren't the normal "Spokes" design. I saw some about a year ago I liked better, but I didn't have the money then and the place that had them is gone. They looked like a script "A" since they had the round wheel around them, it almost looked like the "Circle A" anarchy symbol, but they were pretty tight.
2) I like to be different. No one else aroung here has rims like that. The city I work in has more millionaires per capita than most of the other places in the US (It isn't a big city, but there are a lot of rich people here and unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
I think, considering the rest of the car, it won't make it TOO ghetto. The only other thing that I have done to it appearence-wise is tint the windows and put GTS blackouts over the headlights. (Of course I have the nice stereo, too, although I don't usually "bump it" because I try to be considerate [slashdot.org] of other people.)
Completely OT (Score:2)
Yes (Score:2)
That would be a good site, however there are a few problems...
1) You would need more than just me. Even if I wasn't buried in work, it would take a lot more than just me and you to run it.
2) If everyone there were of similar belief, it would be easy, but when you get many different beliefs in one place, it tends to turn into argument, more than discussion. This type of site would be very emotionally draining on the people involved.
3) Trolls. Go back and look at FIDO and some of the old newsgroups that have religious areas. I used to discuss things on alt.* newsgroups and there were always people getting in the christian areas and talking about lewd things and just pissing people off in general. Some people just love to start an argument.
Like I said, it is a great idea, but it would take a LOT of time and effort on the part of MANY dedicated individuals. I just don't have that kind of time. It would be a great witness, and probably a popular site, but I think if it were ran like /. most people would get hurt and it wouldn't be successful. If you have a group of people in mind that would be interested, I'd be glad to help, but we would need to decide how we are going to handle all these problems before they arise.