TechnoLust's Journal: Girl situation

As of right now, we have decided to not see each other for a while. She is afraid that if she gets involved with me, she won't be able to concentrate on her studies (she's getting her MBA.) This isn't because of anything I've done, I have always supported her in her schooling, even helping her type papers and such. I believe this stems from the fact that every other relationship she has been in has been with a guy who was selfish and jealous of her time to the point that everything, even school, that took her away was bad. I have always believed that a relationship should mutually fortify both individuals. They should both be better because of the union. That what I thought we had, but she is afraid. She is also female, and they are not know for their logic. (I'm sorry girls, I don't want to sound sexist, but it is the truth.) I've even had other girls that know the situation ask me why she would throw away the best thing that ever happened to her. (Their words, not mine.) Of course I can't answer that, I'm wondering the same thing. She's told me she loves me, she's told me she's happy when she's with me, and I can see that in her eyes. Her daughter loves me, and so do her parents, and I want to be the little girl's father, which is something I didn't think I would ever say. I'm by no means rich, but I make decent money, especially for a 24 year old. I only owe about $30,000 on my house and my car and truck are both paid for, so I'm doing pretty well. I'm a sensitive, caring person, and I can cook well, and I keep a very clean house. We have a lot in common and we never run out of things to talk about. I can't imagine she could ever find anyone who would be better to her than me. But for some reason, she just won't accept that I love her right now. It's killing her and it's killing me, so for now, we're going our separate ways. This was more her decision than mine, actually I was totally against it, but she thinks it is best right now. She says it isn't that she doesn't want to be with me, she just doesn't want to be with anybody. I'm by no means giving up, I still feel like this is meant to be, and I know it is what I want, but for now, I have to move on. It's hard for me to move on though, because I don't want to be with anyone else. I have female friends and I have been spending time with some of them, but I don't want anything further than that right now. It's going to be tough, but I will get through it. I've learned a lot about myself and I've learned a lot about God in this, and I feel I'm closer to Him than ever. So, maybe that's one of the things that had to come of this. Maybe without that, we could never have been happy. Maybe she hasn't learned what she needs to, and I have to wait on that.

Ok, this REALLY became a lot longer and more involved than I meant, and now I have stuff piling up in my inbox that needs attention. I'm going to move it to a new journal entry. This was orignially in response to a post by phyxeld in this journal entry.

Also, any girls out there that can translate girl thoughts to guy thought, please help me out here.

my experience...

[FortKnox]

I once had a girlfriend for 4 years in college. It came down to the point where I knew she loved me more than I could love her. We parted ways, and I dated another girl. One month later, I had realized that I had taken so much for granted and got back with my old girlfriend... a few months later I proposed. After graduation we got married, and a year later we have a little boy.

The point is, that maybe time apart is a good thing. In relationships you take a lot for granted, and you don't realize it until you spend time apart. Don't lose touch, but don't try and get too involved for what she wants right now. Yeah, its a horrible pisser, but you have to honor her wishes for the time being.

BTW - you don't need to look at your job and your income and everything material. No girl that loves you would judge you by those things. Yeah, you sound pretty well off, and could support her and her daughter. Seems like you are trying to over-analyze it. The best advice I have, as I had mentioned before, is to let her realize what its like to have you two seperated a while. Things you never think about, you will miss and she will miss. Hopefully, that'll have her calling you from time to time until eventually she wants you back in her life.
Honor her wishes, but also stay available for her.

Material things

[TechnoLust]

Yeah, I know that shouldn't matter. I was just thinking of all the things I had to offer her, like you said. I doing OK, like I said I'm by no means rich, but I have everything I need and then some. (Like most of us in America.) I know I am over-analyzing, but I'm a SYSTEMS ANALYST for pete's sake. :-) I get PAID to over analyze things, or I did before I moved into the programming area. I had been thinking a lot yesterday about all of the things God has given me, and I am very thankfull for all the material things, but what I've never had is a relationship that isn't messed up in some way or another. Either I was being used or it was just "something to do" until she found a guy she really liked. The one girl that I did think really cared about me (before this one) ended up cheating on me, so I have always had bad luck with relationships. I always thought it was because I was overweight, but this girl doesn't seem to mind, and I've lost 40 lbs. and I've been working out, so I'm feeling a lot better about my looks.

I know it is probably for the best, and I hope she is missing me and wanting to be with me, but it's hard for me to think that anyone would not be able to live without me. I know I'm having trouble living without her, but it's hard for me to think she would feel the same way. I don't know, maybe that's one of the things I'm supposed to learn from this. It's funny though, I miss her little girl more than I ever thought possible. I always liked having her around, but sometimes it was hard to converse with her in the room. Now I just wish she was around to interrupt me or want to type when I'm working on the computer.

Thanks for the advice and please remember me when you pray. BTW, I had my Bible study class praying for you and you wife to have an "easy" delivery (if there is such a thing) and a healthy baby. They were all very excited to hear Joey was doing well. My wireless card in my Zaurus will reach my hub from there, so I'm going to show them the pictures next week.

Re:Material things

[FortKnox]

...what I've never had is a relationship that isn't messed up in some way or another.

Something I've learned is that everyone is unique, and you'll never have a "perfect relationship" like those in the movies. The person you are with has good points and bad points about her. To be technical, you have to weigh the points (not on paper!), and see, do the good points outwiegh the bad points by a lot? In other words, do you enjoy being with her enough to ignore/tolerate the parts of her you may not like (annoying traits, etc...)?? Sounds like you found a keeper, so keep the faith.

It's funny though, I miss her little girl more than I ever thought possible

Told ya that you'd miss stuff you'd never thought about. Just missing this point tells me she's missing something from you. Next time she calls, mention how much you miss the little one... she might admit the little things she's missing in you...

I had my Bible study class praying for you and you wife to have an "easy" delivery (if there is such a thing) and a healthy baby

Hey, thanks! Although the wife had a hard delivery (her epideral wore off before having to push, and pushed for over 2.5 hours), she was up and walking around without much discomfort the next day, and doesn't seem very sore at all. She also forgot the pain of delivery, so I guess that's good too. And Joey's doing great (he's a pooping machine) ;-)

...please remember me when you pray

Will do.

My proposal:

[leviramsey]

Am I the only one who thinks O'Reilly could make a killing if they published XX-Based Humans: The Definitive Guide?