Saying we now need statistical hullabaloo is laughable. Not even close. We need to get Universities to actually teach people instead of coddle them, and we need professors and Deans willing to do the same. College has become a joke on the public in order to grow government and make a few people rich. Even if you want to teach as a professor, the Deans will not defend you because they fear a student's opinion more than care for the Universities reputation. Yes, that's right. A history teacher can't teach history if it "offends" a student because feelings" now trump facts in college. That's fucking scary!
Not that I want to interrupt a lovely rant, and I don't disagree with everything you say, but this paragraph does make me pause and do it anyway. Most of the faculty I know (and I know quite a lot of faculty, being a member of the faculty and preparing to teach several courses for the spring semester starting next Wednesday:-) do sincerely want to teach and do their best to teach. Coddling is not even an issue, with a very few exceptions. I also am very curious as to why you would say that Deans won't defend professors who teach (against who, Evil Students? Parents? An angry mob?) because they "fear a student's opinion more than they care for the University's reputation". That doesn't even make complete sense and is completely contradicted by all of my experience with many, many deans over 39 year of teaching at one level or another in college. I would therefore argue that you need to support this statement with more than just an assertion that this happens. Sure, maybe, probably, somewhere, sometime. But is it the rule rather than the exception? I think not.
It doesn't even make sense. First of all, as far as I know once you are given a course to teach, you are God with a capital G for that course. Sure, there are guidelines for what should be taught and some (reasonable) expectations for how you will teach it, but the whole "Ivory Tower" thing and "tenure" ensures that there isn't a whole lot they can do about it if you choose to be a maverick but give you crappy courses to teach, a broom closet for an office, and as few promotions as they can get away with. Oh, sure, maybe stern talkings to as well. This is assuming that you don't actually break one of the few rules that ARE written down, such as Thou Shalt Not Fondle thy Students. Not even a Dean can go in and override grades I give in a course, for example, at least to the best of my knowledge.
Second, to MY experience the Deans mostly work the exact opposite of the way you assert. They are the court of last resort for the student, not to "force" the instructor to change but to mediate any honest disputes and, usually, to enforce the University's less pleasant rules on the student, not the faculty. Who deals with cheats? A student is LUCKY if it is only their professor -- then they only get an F and thrown out of the course. Once deans get involved, it is more likely to be suspension or expulsion. Who tracks the problem students as they wend through the system? Deans. Who has to deal with deaths in the students' families, with mono mid-semester, with learning disabilities, and sure, sometimes with faculty who really are assholes or asshats or both? Deans.
I cherish the deans I interact with, and I interact with deans a lot because I am lead professor in large courses rather frequently, so I have a large student population with a higher probability of students with problems in there I cannot solve. Deans are invaluable -- they are not only much needed lubrication in a system with lots of rough edges and a lot of stress, they are the final level of human judgment on top of a system of impersonal and sometimes overly harsh rules. Deans have the power to do great good for both students and faculty, and almost without exception do an exemplary job. Animal House really was just a funny movie, not reality.