Journal: Boredom + Creativity = Psychosis

-------- RIAA Sues Fetus, Potted Plant ------

In its latest legal action, the Recording Industry Association of America has brought suit against an unborn and as yet unnamed fetus and a potted plant, claiming that the defendants shared and downloaded over 28,000 illegal copies of songs on the popular filesharing network Kazaa.

RIAA Lawyer Kent Squid states:

"After cracking down on an elderly woman and an 11 year old girl, we had to say to ourselves, 'What next? How do we top this?' The overwhelming response from the team was to sue God himself, but after a portal to Hell opened under our main offices, we decided instead to pursue a fetus and a fern."

Both the fetus and the fern were unavailable for comment on the matter.

------- Bush Urinates On Self, Declares War On Palestine ----------

At a UN conference today, President Bush accidentally wet himself while waiting for Colin Powell to finish a presentation on the war in Iraq.

Says Bush aide Tally Bobard: "Cheney told him to go before they left the White House, but he assured everyone that he would hold it."

The Bush camp has placed the blame for this incident squarely on the shoulders of Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat, citing intelligence reports that large stockpiles of "Weapons of Making the President Pee on Himself" have been discovered in the tiny arab nation. In what has been called "The Most Widely Criticized and Ill-Advised Political Decision in All of Recorded History", President Bush declared war on Palestine and initiated a 78 day bombing campaign designed to, in the words of the president, "blow up and kill those Palpastonians".

In a televised press conference, President Bush stated: "The entire world and probably God too supports the coalition's campaign to end terror. We will bring freedom to the Palestaqi people."

The coalition, which consists of President Bush and his favorite dog, Randy, will meet friday to draw up a proposed budget for the war in Palestine. Early estimates from the Bush camp indicate that the war should cost taxpayers "about a gajillion dollars".