Some people like to eat to 120k resistors, others like to have sex with Catholic nuns - I myself like to troll on slashdot - yes, it is an odd thing to do, but it is my hobby.

Lately, I've been focusing on trolling Islam because - lets face it - as a religeon they are acting like total fuckwads. The troll to response ratio is great, but I am getting lots of serious questions about why I do this - am I scared of Muslims? Do I hate ragheads? Why exactly am I doing this - the answer is below...

The easy answer is because they are thin skinned wankers and cannot laugh at themselves. [see mohamed cartoon]

This is the main FUNDAMENTAL problem with Islam as a religeon - they do not tolerate discussion, jokes or disagreements about their religeon - its like Fight Club for crying out loud. If you dont believe EVERYTHING then you are a problem. This fundamental problem is why muslims continue to treat women like dogs, and persecute anyone who doesnt believe them.

"Wait, we are not all like this" I hear the rare open minded muslim cry out.

Well, bully for you - I dont hear you speaking out against the extremists in your religeon - if you REALLY are open minded [and yes, there are some of you] then SPEAK OUT against the viral and oppresive process that is the Islamic way.

How the hell is it possible NOT to troll you - you are all so uptight and and as a group you continually fuck up on the world scene doing really stupid shit. again and again. If this was the middle ages I'd be trolling the christains for their stupidity at the time, but HELLO DICKHEADS - IT IS ALMOST 2007. Perhaps it is time to grow up as a religeon and ease the grip on that little book written by a bunch of old men from a different age (you know - when it was 'ok' for mohamed to marry and screw a 12 year old girl - yes THAT BOOK - come on people do you STILL BELIEVE THAT TRIPE when you know the actions of the chief character.

Anyway - I think all religeons are stupid , it's just that in this point in history Islam is by far the stupidest and is going to be trolled the most.

Let this be a lesson to the other religeous dictators which think that oppression can work.
The free thinking countries of the world (ie those not bound by that stupid koran rubbish) will deal with you - one way or another.

- We will gather evidence of your tyranny and war crimes
- We will invade and hunt you down like a dog
- We will trial you in your own country
- We will kill you
- Your countrymen will cheer when you are gone

(personally, I think it would have been better to assassinate him - but whatever)
Anyway - Ta, ta saddam - say high to mohamed for me. What's that? He isn't there - gosh, what a suprise!

Hi everybody!!!

Head on over to Trolltalk for the latest and greatest news about Cracky Chan, Mercatur, bees, polls and other exiciting events - All discussed moderately by loving, caring netizens.

Oh, by the way, this was another fine FIRST POST

Dec 15, 2005 - Cronulla, Australia
Police have mobilized 500 extra staff to quell the 3000 crazy arabs who are roaming the streets in packs looking to beat up and rape anyone getting in their way
Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such news reports as
'Elections in Iraq - an exercise in futility'
and 'Pubes - not just for flossing anymore!'

Todays LIVE update comes straight from a slashdot troll on the streets of Sydney:
"I was sitting on the beach with my Linux laptop madly hitting F5 while trying for first post when all of a sudden this gang of 30 shows up.

ME - [looks up] "Hello ethnic people - do any of you guys know of any faster wireless access points that I can connect to?"

GANG - [glaring and waving cricket bats] "THIS IS OUR BEACH, BITCH!"

ME - [knew this was coming] "Look, I am just relaxing on the beach, like a happy little Australian minding my own business - why are you harrasing me?"

GANG - "We are going to smash you fuckin' head in, until your brains fall out your arse"

ME - [smirking] "I realise that you are in a gang and therefore stupid and gutless, but I just need to know of a decent 802.16 connect point.. hey, what the fuck am I talking about - none of you even know what a computer is I'm guessing!"

Suddenly the gang attacks, but The_Fire_Horse is prepared and quickly yells out "LOOK - OVER THERE, IT'S ALLUH!!
and would you believe it, just like those old 50's style jungle movies these crazy natives drop to their knees like lemmings and starting screeching "PRAISE ALLAH"

The fire horse quietly walks away as the police swoop in.

[ANOTHER FINE FIRST POST] at: Steam Hybrid Car from BMW

So here I was happily trolling on slashdot, minding my own business when one of my trolls triggers the WRATH OF ALLAH, and He decides to manifest to smite me.

I had just finished a lame troll and was checking the replies when there was a flash of lightning and suddenly He appeared... I was scared... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
HOWTO - A guide to mulsim trolling, and
Irony - it affects us all in the end

So here I am - a seasoned slashdot troll in one corner of the boxing ring and in the other corner is ALLAH himself, dressed a little like David Hasselhoff in the Knight Rider, but looking pretty angry regardless.
[DING][DING] The Fight Begins

Allah leaps towards the firehorse in a blaze of fury, smiting him with lightning bolts, censorship and disinformation.
The fire horse quickly rips up one of the poles and smacks allah across the head, yelling "FIRST POST BIATCH"
Allah goes down and you can almost hear the moans of a million muslims - actually, you can hear the muslims as they are all in the audience, having no other life than following this little bitch called alluh.
But, anyway - The firehorse takes a leisurely piss on the face of allah as he slowly wakes up from the blistering first post strike, while the audience is enraged.

Allah - strikes - he hits with the 'racist card' and suddenly the firehorse is powerless to attack - its like he is frozen. No one can attack Allah while the racist card is active, lest they be called racist and spirited away for reprogramming.

But the firehorse wasnt born yesterday and deals a deadly blow.... The logic clause (aka PROOF OR STFU N00B) - Allah is suddenly forced to admit to the consequence of his 'alleged' book called the Koran and promptly vanishes in a puff of smoke.

The_Fire_Horse WINS - Allah is defeated forever and all the mulsims in the audience spontaneously explode, solving all the worlds problems.

The End (...if only) -----------------
Damn it - only got a 2nd post in this article

(woohoo - first fucking post!!!)
Fucking Islams and their medievil tactics using force to spread the holey word of the koran - doesnt it just piss you off?
This is now the 20th century and yet they continue to use 14th century strong arm terror tactics to spread the word of their virul brainwashing.

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
IsPorn - the 5 pillars of masturbation, and
Muslem Women - YUK - cover up your face, biatch - YOU UGLY!

Today, we will continue our investigation into this so called "Religeon of Peace" that is IsSLUM.

Without rehashing the lists here, it is clear that over 95% of all riots, terror attacks and religous based murders have been conducted by muslims in the last 25 years. Dont get me wrong, Christians were absolute pricks during the crusades and just about ALL religeons have been arseholes at some point during their existance. The thing is, we are not talking about the dark ages, or medievil times - this is 2005, and we as a people should know better.

People who talk against muSLUMs are often killed (taco - please dont post my IP - ktx), for example Salman Rushdie and that poor bastard in the netherlands. You just cannot seem to talk about islam without fear of retribution - all other religeons, for hundreds of years have at least tolerated debate - Hell, just yesterday the fucking vatican stated that 'Intelligent Design' isnt all it cracked up to be (HA - take that Bush!)

So, what can the average Slashdotter do to fix this situation?
ANSWER
1. Keep an on the the patterns of violence mathematically (I may be a troll, but you cannot argue against the sheer volume of news reports) so that you see that it is muSLUMs causing all the trouble

2. Be aware that discussions about the downsides of isSLUM can be hazardous to your health. Try a simple argument with a muslim person on a non serious topic - then say "ALLAH IS A CUNT" and watch your learned friend hit the roof and pull out a knife from the teatowel on his head. Duck and cover.

3. Vote 'HELL NO' to having islam control YOUR country (that is their target, and the core purpose of all the jihads - to have islam based governments and their 'own' laws [shudder]

Stand united fellow slashdot geeks - together we can spread the word that we DO NOT WANT ISLUM IN OUR GOVERNMENT thank you very much


Always remember the slogan: "ALLAH be FUCKED if I let Muslims run MY country!"

Offtopic, but this is serious

Sorry to post this here but trolltalk is being crapflooded by someone with a Perl for Dummies guide and a PII running Slackware.

Anyway - seeing that there is no point me posting shit over there, I thought I'd share my thoughts with you here

IS THAT OK WITH YOU, TACO YOU CUNT!!!

You see, I am a troll and a bit of a show off - I like to post things that are not popular and challenge conventional thought.

TACO'S WIFE IS THE FATTEST UGLIEST FUCKING COW I EVER SAW

On the surface, my posts seem crude and purile; but if you look deeper and really *understand* what I am saying, then you see that some of my work is very insightful.
Look even deeper and you will see the humour and futility of everything that is the slashhive.

I HAD TO USE MY SPECIAL WIDE ANGLE GLASSES JUST SEE TACOS WIFES ASS IN ONE VIEWING - NOW I CANT FUCKING SEE A THING!!!

So to conclude this evenings discussion, I just hope that you will think of the pain that us trolls are going through, during the crapflooding of trolltalk.

Oh, and to keep this post on topic (I have no idea what the article will be about, but I bet you ten bucks that one of these comments will get +5 insightful):

"This wouldn't have happened if they had been running linux on this"
"Patents are wrong - we should boycott this company"
"Hey - this company should be rewarded for the work they do"
"He - lucky they werent running M$"

As you all know, Mohamed was a pedophile.
'One' of his wives was 9 years old when he consummated the marriage. What a fucking cheese dick - even though young marriages were not uncommon in 'those days', it is a fucking joke that some highly and blindly followed religious head is worshipped for his insightful thinking.

Come on - let's face facts. Mohamed was a FUCKING PEDOPHILE and it is documented.

And now all of a sudden these moronic mulsims are saying porn is bad, praise Allah, blow up shit and then in the afterlife I will get 72 virginal girls (and 'comely boys' - bet you didn't know that!) if I do alluhs work.

And these people wonder why the rest of the world thinks that muslims are a bunch of mindless faggots? They are happy to rape 9 year old girls but they wont allow their own wives to show their face?
They are happy to blow up children in the name of Allah even though the Koran says 'don't kill'
They are happy to condemn others religions, but they KILL PEOPLE who even question their fucked up religion.

Seriously - the muslim religion is a joke, and it should be eradicated.

Let's see now - first of all, a fucking great hurricane wipes out that sordid nigger city New Orleans and drives the remaining coons into a big ol' stadium. From here they proceed to rape and kill each other, as niggers are prone to do - sort of a self correcting problem really. I think Bush made a wise tactical desician in delaying assistance to this crime prone city - maybe it is best that we just let it rot and sink?

The 2nd best news, was the death of almost 1,000 crazy Islamic terrorists in training - oh, sure - they were women and children, but they were on their way to the Islamic "Church" to get the daily dose of brainwashing that they should kill all good Westerners [excluding the criminal niggers from NO, of course]
How perfect was that to see - someone yells 'BOO' and, like the LEMMINGS that the muslims are, they flee and jump off a bridge - allu be praised.. hehe - allah be FUCKED more like it.

Anyway, I just thought I'd summarise these exciting developments.

GOT A FIRST POST in Microsoft Windows Media Player Encryption Hacked

In yet another astonishing display of slashdot stupidity, a bunch of 12 year old slashbots mod down the real John Carmack for DARING to post in the article where Quake 3 was open sourced.
John Carmack's Latest 24 of 141 Comments
Re:And that's why id Software rocks. : 1, Offtopic
Re:Hmm : 1, Troll
Re:Unreal Engine 4 : 1, Flamebait
attached to Quake 3: Arena Source GPL'ed

AND YOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE LIKE ME TROLL SLASHDOT - FUCKING DORKS!
[I would be First Posting this comment if I wasnt IP banned - any one reading this, please let the "moderators" know how you feel.]

Another fine FIRST POST.

... for those brave souls on the shuttle , about to reenter the earth.
Let's hope the duct tape holds, but if not then here are a couple of suggestions for trolling:
'LOL JEWS DID SPACE!'
'Typical US shit - this is what happens when the republicans are in charge'
'Typical US shit - this is what happens when the democrats cut funding'
'Did the shuttle run linux?'
'Terrorists have taken out the shuttle!'
'It was a CIA job to get more funding'
'It was an NSA job to get more CIA agents'
'Aliens took out the shuttle'

Seriously, I hope it goes well - I have more fun trolling religeons than science.

3.. 2... 1... ignition!
Congratulations, citizen you have successfully launched your NASA compliant shuttle into orbit. Oh, dont worry about the crap that fell off the side during launch - that shit happens all the time. What's that - the media caught it, umm... well you better fix it yourself buddy, coz you're outside our service range. You find a toolbox next to the fire extinguisher. Good luck.

So there you are trapped in space in a leaky shuttle. You job is to fix it, but how do you start?

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as :
"Making a plane with a rubber band engine",
and "Grease? Don't just eat it - fix stuff with it too!"

Today we are going to repair a multi-billion dollar 40 year old space shuttle which is orbiting the earth using nothing but some pliers, a hacksaw, sealant and duct tape.

Put on your spacesuit and go to the outside of the shuttle to where the problem was discovered - now go back to the ship and get your oxygen tank and lets try that again.

Remove the offending debris with the pliers and hacksaw, and then pull out the sticky 'sealant' - don't worry, this will just pull right out - its not like any extreme forces or temperatures would have affected it.

Get your Sellys No More Gaps and glue *carefully* around the replaced tile and allow 24 hours to dry before attempting re-entry.

Now remove a 6 inch strip of duct tape and apply it firmly over your ass - this is to stop you shitting your pants during re-entry.

Good Luck - and thanks for flying NASA!

------
[update] - FIRST POST

Hi Babe, you are probably new to slashdot and this most likely your first time with mod points.

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
"White with 2 sugars, thanks toots!",
"YO - BITCH... time for my BLOWJOB!!"
The purpose of this article is to remind the female internet users of their correct position in the pecking order.
Your job, quite simply is to produce naked pictures of yourself and to MAKE MY FUCKING COFFEE!!!

If you have any concerns or complaints, then instead of acting like a typical girl and modding this post down, you should actually discuss the issue. [NOTE- even though this post will be modded troll in 2.8 nanoseconds, there will be 89% of people here who agree with this!

damn - only got 2nd post
I have been posting shit on this site for over 4 years now, and in all my time of getting first posts, I have NEVER seen such INCONSISTANT moderation of first posts as I do now.

Look at my last 3 first posts - they are modded Flamebait, Funny and Informative - yet, they are basically the same fucking post! Come on - mods - LIFT UP YOUR GAME and BE CONSISTANT, otherwise you will end up like Taco.

We've all seen the shocking bombings in London recently caused by extremist muslims who, quite frankly have nothing better to do with thier time.

But what about the 'normal' muslims, I hear you cry - how can they go about our lives in this post 7-7 world?

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
Cheese - what does it mean to the average Muslim, and
Islam - what *is* the point? I mean... really!

Today, we are going to discuss how the average bright eyed, yet naive mulsim can go about their lives following the devastating and shocking bomb attacks on London.

Step 1 - Dont be ashamed
You are a muslim - you have chosen your religeon freely because you parents told you to and despite nagging doubts in the back of your head that it is all a bit 'silly', you will continue to follow whatever interpretation of the koran anyone happens to talk about. Dont feel dumb - it isnt your fault - remember, that you have millions of others thinking just the same way, so you must be right!

Step 2 - Pack up your camping gear
You are going out to the country, so you will need lots of supplies! Get yourself a nice big backpack and fill it will pots, pans, food, clothes and spare copies of the koran because you will be out in the wilderness for several days.

Step 3 - Heading for the train
The train trip will take a while, so you will want to listen to some 'koran on tape' cassettes - put your walkman in your rucksack and feed the headphone wires out the top so you have access to the music.
OK, IT'S TIME TO GO!!!
With your headphones hanging out of your rucksack and your teatowel wrapped around your head, you can now proudly walk out the door of your hovel to the nearest train station to head off to your camping trip.

Step 4 - Dealing with the Police
If the police take an interest in you, simply screech "ALLAH BE PRAISED" and reach for your headphones so that you can let them hear the magical insight of the 'koran on tape'.
Should the police then reach for their guns, you will need to quickly remove your student id from your inside jacket pocket and show it to them. Dont worry - everything will sort itself out (Allah will know what to do)