First, let me state that j0nkatz a complete fraud. Do not be fooled. Only Bone-O-Rama is capable of Automated First Post Goodness (c). Bone-O-Rama is quality software, written in Visual Basic.Net and released under the GPL.

Included features:

* Completely configurable
* GUI or character based interface
* Use the included database of clever first post comments or add your own!
* Post unattended or at a pre-determined time.
* Login and post via anonymous proxy.
* Duplicate story check option. If enabled, it will verify whether the story
    is unique and modify the post accordingly. Additional features that the competition does not offer.
* PostStalker: Enter the user ID of someone you wish to stalk and every post that user makes will get an automatic response!
    Choose Civil or Flamewar.
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If you, or your friends would like in on the first post lifestyle, there is no better way than to Bone-O-Rama your way to the top!
This post created using the magnificent Bone-O-Rama © 2004 cyborg_monkey LLC

Man, it has been a long time since I posted last, nearly a year. Athough I read /. from time to time, I mostly stay away.

Any of the old gang still hang out here?

i am cowboy kim
cowboy kim i am
i am a lucky cowboy
let me tell you why
i'm a man with a mission
a boy with a gun
i got a picture in my pocket of the lucky one

i'll announce the winner
on the radio
with my microphone
i do a super show
i wear a cowboy hat
it is my business hat
i'm on till 1:00 a.m.
i must tell you that
i'm a man with a mission
a boy with a gun
i got a picture in my pocket of the lucky one
who doesn't know i'm a big mess
i mean a really big mess

a big big mess he was all mixed up and a
big mess he was a
big mess he was a
he was really mixed up

cowboy kim i am
mr. reality
the most important thing
i put away my toys
with my microphone
i do a super show
i'll announce the winner
on the radio

Been a while since I've posted anything. That is all.

Warm outside, no tornados this weekend (hopefully) and my loins are moist for a cat.

It appears that all the good exploits of Slashdot are over. No more multiple posts, page widening, ASCII art, URL redirects, hidden sids are happening. I guess taco locked down Slashdot, just like he said he would.

So where do you guys hang out now? Since the post cap, I mostly gave up Slashdot because the only real thing of interest here was the trolling. Sure, I will occasionally post on SRU or GiZ, that too is mostly dead.

Guess it's time to move on....

By JONATHAN JENKINS, TORONTO SUN

Get that crimefighter a cape. A naked vigilante in Hamilton -- who interrupted a midnight break and enter in the buff -- is accused of stripping the teenaged burglar to his underwear, tying him up and whipping him with a belt on June 1.

"The accused was sleeping and he was surprised by the intruder," Hamilton police Det.-Sgt. Tom Andrew said.

"If it had stopped at that point, then he would have used enough reasonable force." But he had a reason not to call cops -- he's wanted for alleged criminal activity in 1998 and 1999.

BANDIT DUCT-TAPED

And police believe the 17-year-old was trying to get at the remnants of a hydroponic marijuana grow operation in the house on King St. E. in Stoney Creek.

After the teen was stripped, tied and whipped, he was duct-taped and held for about five hours, police say, then driven to Queenston Rd. and let go.

Cops got a search warrant for the home and allegedly found the teen's clothes and keys, hydroponic equipment and a small amount of drugs.

Jeremy Stephen Ramey, 25, is charged with robbery, possession of stolen property, assault, assault with a weapon and forcible confinement.

He's also been charged with failing to appear, uttering threats, mischief and assault from 1999, and possessing stolen cars from 1998.

The teenager, who suffered some bruises, has not yet been formally charged, Andrew said.

The Last FP

I'm leaving now, this stank urine-filled toilet will see me no more. I have enjoyed my time mindlessly crapflooding and trolling here. I started reading the site years ago, back when it actually had some remotely interesting stories and comments on a daily basis. Now it is all inside jokes about Micro$haft ROFL!!!!!!11111 and lame knee-jerk liberal remarks about how the government/M$/Red Hat/Echelon are stealing our souls by taking secret pictures of us in the shower. Somewhere along the line whatever made the site interesting was lost - maybe it was just that it got too big.

A more likely reason is that Taco and co believed their own press. The introduction of karma and the increasing Gestapo tactics were like some poor man's version of Animal Farm. In trying to make their little world safe for the "legitimate" users, they turned this place into a police state. From modbombing to blacklisting, this place has become no different than any other totalitarian regime. And in those regimes, there will always be those who fight back, and I don't mean that fat cunt vlad quoting Chuck D.

I lurked on the site for years, reading some interesting stuff, occasionally entertained. But as my job got more boring and the site became more HOMOgenized, I got sick of it. Then one day neal n bob was born. In just over a year, despite the National Socialist Party's limitations put in place, I have posted over 1000 inane and thoughtless comments.

Now I am moving on to a more important job, and I won't have the time or motivation to amuse myself. I sure as hell won't waste my time at home on this festering sore on a syphilitic man-whores tool. So I'd like to give props to just a few of those who have made all the time I wasted here a little more entertaining, in no particular order:

The CLIT
Big Ass Spork
Handybundler
L33t j03
Ringbarer
The Turd Report
Trollaxor
Klerck
Goatse.cx
Govtcheez
Angry white guy

There are lots of other fine trolls and crapflooders but I shant waste the time listing them. If you have ever posted a scat story about RMS, Timmah, Taco, Michael or ESR, you belong on that list as well. If you've bravely shared the story of how you were anally assaulted at the Slash HQ, you belong on that list. And if you are Jon Katz, you absolutely belong on that list. Katz - you are far and away the most successful troll; possibly in web history. All trolls and crapflooders pay homage to your abilities. You're a lot like Roman Polanski, a gifted artist who happens to like young children. I assume you are in France right now with most of the rest of the world's gayest losers and several Afghani children.

I see *former* trolls/crapflooders posting in the positive realm... whoring like there's no tomorrow.

What happened, when did it happen and why wasn't I notified? This is complete madness. It seems like I am the only one grabbing quality FPs and harassing obvious Linux zealot shitheads.

Lets all join virtual hands and bring back the underground community to its former glory.

Don't forget to visit:

www.geekizoid.com
#cyborg_monkey (irc.slashnet.net)
MSN IM cyborg_monkey@hotmail.com

EOT

How's it going?

Good, I hope, because I care so very much for each and every one of you.

Without Me - Written by M Mathers / J Bass - Blatently parodied by William Scott Lockwood III

William Scott - Real name no gimmicks

Two slashdot bots go round the outside, Round the outside, round the outside

Two slashdot bots go round the outside, Round the outside, round the outside

Guess what sucks, sucks again, Trolltalk sucks, tell a friend
Guess what sucks, guess what sucks, guess what sucks, guess what sucks,
guess what sucks, guess what sucks, guess what sucks!

(um da di da dum da dum da dum da dum da dum da dum um da di da dum da dum da dum da dum da dum da dum )

I've created a monster, 'cos nobody wants to write trolls no more they want crap I'm chopped liver
Well if you want crap, this is what I'll give ya A little AV3 mixed with something fecal
Some goatse that will jumpstart the sid quicker Then a troll when I get stalked by the Craiginator
What a cocksucker, AV3 advocating When I'm rocking the sid while he's masturbating
Hey, you trolled this long so stop complaining 'Cos I'm back, the fucking king not abdicating
I know that you're a nut job McPherson But you're never going to be a heterosexual person
So the AV3 won't let me be Or let me be me so let me see
They really ought to take less lsd Now trolltalk's empty without me
So, get a grip, wipe the cum off your lips fuck that Jump back jiggle a hip and wiggle a bit
And get ready, 'cos this is about to get heavy I just the ran the fucking clowns over in my chevy!

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

Little flooders, kids feeling rebellious Embarrassed, their peers not trolling to classics
They start feeling like slashbots anxious 'Til Vlad comes along on a mission all victorious
A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution back the fuck off bots, a real troll
So let me just revel and bask In the fact that I got everyone to jump and gasp
And it's a disaster such a catastrophe For you to be so fixated on my life, you can't stop me
Well I'm back (nana nana nana nana nana) fix your bent antennae Tune it in and then I'm gonna troll into
The sid of your choice like a splinter The centre of attention back as the winner
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling Infesting in your trolls ears and nesting
Trolling, "Attention Please" Feel the tension soon as someone mentions me
Here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

A tisk-it a task-it, I'll go tit for tat with anybody who's talking this and that shit
Craiginators friends, you can get your ass wacked Worse than them little AV3 bastards,
And Warren, you should go Ecuadoran, To get the fuck out if you know what's coming,
You don't know me, you're not too bright, Let it go it's over, nobody reads your shit?
Now let's go, just give me a signal, I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I've been dope, suspenseful with a pencil Ever since OOG turned himself into a CAVEMAN
But sometimes man it just seems Everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I'm disgusting But it's just me I'm just obscene
Though I'm not the first king of trolltalk territory I am the worst thing since King GBD
To do some trolling so selfishly And make my enemies feel unhealthy
Hey, there's a concept that works 20 million other Vladinators emerged
But no matter how many sids in the sea It will be so empty without me

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

Now this looks like a job for me, So everybody just follow me
'Cos we need a little controversy, 'Cos it feels so empty without me

Hum dee dai la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Hum dee dai la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Trolls!

I saw an article called the future of java. Once you go to it, it says that it was created by Michael, and that only michael's friends can post there. The biggest problem with that is he has no friends - just people who use his cornhole as wang polishing unit. I am betting this is the newest censorship tool that mike has made.

It absolutely amazes me to see all the bs here about every possible so-called threat to free speech, no matter how remote, treated as the end of the known universe. Meanwhile, instead of making the piss poor slashcode work right, all they do is dream up new methods to control what gets posted. So post an article about how evil some city council is for not letting pedophiles look at kiddie porn for free at the public library, but we damn sure can't let someone post a comment saying FP or penis bird on slashdot.

the nazis have killed me in the last. Thankfully I reached the magical 1000 posts. I have only been able to post once since last thursday. I assumed they somehow have instituted more permanent bans on trolldom without notice. Guess they are not quite as big on due process and free speech as they act. You may post suggestions for my demise here - most likely I will go find a Panchos mexican buffet and keep raising the flag until I suffocate on their horrible enchiladas

For example, the Phone Boys.

Methods of wasting time at work: Part II - ALT and TAB keys

This entry for wasting time at work is for all you windows users out there. The ever important ALT and TAB keys on your keyboard.

While working at a computer, there are many things you can do that are not work related that can be fun, especially if you have internet access (which lets face it, everyone probably does). However, some of these actions can get you into trouble should your boss or superior (and in some cases a coworker) happen to walk by your desk.

If you are using windows, then you have a built in contingency plan: pressing the ALT and TAB keys.


This key combination can be very helpful, if utilized correctly. Again, timing is very important for this mehtod. Whilst looking at pr0n, playing a game, or whatever it is that is occupying your time (the time that should be spent working), keep a finger close to the ALT and TAB keys. When an uninvited or unexpected intruder walks into your office/cubicle/work area, use the preceeding instructions to appear as if you are working on something very important and work-related.

Methods of wasting time at work: Part I - the Office Dumpo

Today's method of wasting time at work deals with the all important timing of the office bathroom break.

Working for a large company, in the Information Technology department, I am required to drive back and forth between local branches and sometimes frequent Office Depot. As we all know, work related trips out of the office are great ways to waste time while you are getting paid. But why stop there? Why not combine this method of wasting time at work with the oldest one in the book: the bathroom break!

It works both ways. If I need to take a dump, I first check to see if any of my co-workers need anything from Office Depot before heading to the restroom at the office. Conversely, if I need to go to Office Depot for something, I try to muster up a dump for taking while there.

The imporatance of this method is timing. Begin regulary scheduled trips to office depot an hour or so after lunch. That way, you'll be "in the mood" and your co-workers, knowing that you will be departing for the supply store shortly after lunch, will begin waiting until you get back to give you their laundry lists. The Office Dumpo will be pre-programmed into your day. Once you arrive at said reatailer (Office Depot is not required, and just happens to be the store that I end up at the most), proceed directly to the restroom, and begin defecation. In the back of your mind, know that not only are you wasting time, but you are also getting paid (while defecating no less)!

The less used and more frowned upon alternate meaning for office dumpo (and yes, it should be lower case in this instance) is just taking a dump while at work. You still waste time and you still get paid, but anyone can just 'pinch a loaf' at the office. The Office Dumpo is a strategic gem. The only real benefits of the office dumpo in this usage is the fact that while you don't have home-toilet advantage, you are using a familiar toilet (and not the all feared public toilet used for the "public dump") and unneccessarily bothering coworkers. I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud.