I remember the good old days when I first dabbled with online gaming, playing Duke3D on TEN (remember that?). This was at a time when MSN Gaming Zone was popular for playing commercial multiplayer games such as Outlaws, Outwars, Jedi Knight etc.

TEN had a 'Mr Bandwidth' character, an alien whose eyes would change colour according to your connection quality. I never got better than orange with my shitty internal modem, but it was still good fun to play a few games of Duke3D, and the idea of playing online with real people was a hugely novel and awesome concept to my young teenage self. I still play online occasionally these days but the magic is not there anymore. I remember one new year's eve, playing Red Light District as the clock struck twelve while my parents hosted their dinner party in the other room. Good times.

I'll have to fire up xDuke and YANG or whatever the kids are using these days for a trip down memory lane.

In every version I have played the nipples were covered with tassels so it wasn't much more explicit than a magazine skincare advert.

Living up to your name, I see.

Many wet-shave hobbyists swear by traditional double-edged and straight razors, and use soaps or creams with shaving brushes as part of the process (Badger & Blade is a good resource for learning more). It helps to take your time and treat it as a pampering ritual to be savoured and and not a chore. Good preparation is part of it. I've just started using traditional soap pucks and a badger brush and it's made me look forward to shaving now, although the razor I received as a gift with the brush set takes only Mach3 heads so I'm yet to use a double-edged safety razor (I don't think I'd ever have the balls and patience for a straight). The Mach3 is a reasonable enough shave, but the refills are expensive and it's disingenous to think that Gillette can keep topping it and their current offerings forever. Will they reach a pinnacle cartridge and just stop, saying it is the best they can do and no razor will be perfect? I doubt it.

No doubt inertia plays a part, but many companies bottom lines are bolstered by misinformation and ignorance, that's obvious any time you turn on the television and watch an ad break. Sixty percent for AOL is probably low compared to others out there. Is it really possible that they can keep inventing new and improved toothbrushes, razors and air fresheners every year? Of course it isn't, but that doesn't stop some of the largest conglomerates making billions by selling lies and scaring people into believing that their homes stink and that the mascara they bought last year is now worthless junk that makes them look like shit.

Par for the course, and I can't see it changing any time soon.

So do we, although not for much longer with the budget cuts...

The child kept talking about his invisible friend, saying that this friend gave him guidance and told him how to act. The parents of the child grew frustrated and embarrassed, and took the child to a doctor to get him cured.

The man kept talking about his invisible friend, saying that this friend gave him guidance and told him how to act. The man was elected as leader of the world's greatest superpower and given control of a nuclear arsenal.

Burma Shave.

A source inside Scotland Yard has also confirmed that they are looking to bring Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2006 in for questioning.

So if an arrest has been made on the basis of software user registration details, surely the appropriate response is to start flooding the Internet with questionable documents (kitty porn, bomb-making instructions etc.), all in the name of a specific celebrity target?

There's a world of difference between a dedicated gaming device and a touch-screen phone in terms of controls. Using a touchscreen for all input or shoehorning in the phone's buttons for gaming controls can't provide the level of control of a d-pad and ABXY buttons positioned exactly where they need to be. Of course the games market is apparently going more 'casual' so perhaps touchscreens are the way to go. Not that I even have a portable games console or a smart phone for that matter so it's all academic. Fuck it, do what you want with your fucking games.

You're thinking of salami, surely?

Yeah, all it will take is a packet collision between my order from an air conditioning company and some other guy's stool sample on its way to the lab and the shit will really hit the fan.

Body scanners in the subway? Screw that, I'll just take a Johnny Cab instead!