A year ago 1 October I joined one of my local gyms (the closest one to me that provides childcare) and started exercising on a regular basis.

Well, actually, I went and joined, then I went over to the sporting goods store and bought myself a pair of sneakers (I did not have *any* -- how's THAT for a lifestyle indicator?!) and THEN I started working out regularly.

I started out kinda slow, in relatively familiar territory -- first on the one ancient Stairmaster that they had (the kind I'd used when I desperately lost 25+ pounds before I got married) for, oh, maybe 15 minutes at a time. I slowly ramped up to more time, and then tried out the elliptical trainer that just has stationary bars that you hold onto. Found that it was really nice, so I spent a good month or so playing around on it, increasing my time to 30 minutes and even getting into increasing the resistance.

And then a couple of times both of those stationary-armed elliptical machines were occupied when I wanted to work on them, and because I was (and am) hardcore, I refused to slack off and do the treadmill copout. Instead, I moved up another notch to the arms AND legs elliptical machine. And I stayed at 30 minutes. But I avoided the resistance. I found that that was a *really* intense workout -- challenging... but fun, too, when I had a great playlist to accompany it.

Now, at the same time that I started doing cardio, I also started doing weight training using a few machines (upper body -- lats, delts, & pecs, with some back & triceps work) and free weights (working arms, shoulders & chest).

Oh -- and of course, there's the stretching time on the floor in between cardio & weights, and that's when I work on my flexibility and do all those great ab exercises and butt & thigh toning stuff like lunges & dirty dogs & donkey kicks -- and push-ups. Gotta love push-ups.

Back in January, or maybe it was February, after I got back from Cali when my dad died, they started having weekly yoga classes. I took a yoga for the first time back in 1992 when I was a sophomore in college. I thought it would make me more flexible for sex. HA! It was just really really hard to do; I should have known better than to take a yoga class at Smith -- everything they do there is going to kick your ass.

Fortunately, I didn't let my "Ow this hurts so bad I think I'm dying" experience in yoga the first time around spoil it for me. The next time I had the opportunity to do so (it was 1998) I started taking classes again. And this time, I had a great instructor and it was about the journey and where each individual was -- it wasn't about competing or making things hurt as much as possible. Sure, you push yourself in each pose -- but it's only to the point of gentle pressure; every pose is for relaxing in.

From that class, I took lots of different elements and incorporated them into the way I move or stand or sit or occasionally stretch. I still do a lot of yoga-ish stretching as part of my daily routine, and now I'm wanting to start doing "real" yoga every day on my own; I think I'm ready for that -- it's just a matter of making it a habit and setting aside the time.

Over the year-long period since I started exercising, I have gone from around 180 pounds down to around 164 (but weight always fluctuates). I was wearing size 18 jeans very snugly back then... and now I can pull size 14s off the rack (and NOT the fat chick one!) at any store and at least be able to get them on; whether or not I like the way they look is a different matter -- but even being able to evaulate clothing based on whether or not I like the way it *looks* on me is a refreshing novelty again. I used to just have to settle for whatever I could find that would fit.

Being fat also meant that ANY physical activity was going to mean PAIN. Like mowing the lawn -- I would have pushed the mower around my little yard, and then been feeling it in my hams and my arms and my back (particularly my back!!) for a week afterwards. When I was heavier, I was in constant pain. I don't know when it went away -- or maybe it hasn't, because even now I'm pretty darn sore. But my soreness now is more along the lines of being aware of where I've worked really hard -- and it feels good.

I have finally learned not to pay attention to the number on the scale, but rather to pay attention to how I *feel* and how my clothes fit. How I look to myself is unreliable, because I haven't quite learned yet how to see myself beyond the flaws that always jump out and grab all my attention. Sometimes I have moments of clarity... but mostly I have to use other criteria by which to evaluate my "progress."

One major development for me is that in the last couple of weeks, I've done some running.

There's a 5K Fun Run coming up in my town, and after years of driving by and scoffing at how nuts people must be to punish themselves thusly, I found myself this year thinking, "Hey -- I bet I could *do* that!"

So I got on the treadmill and gave it a try, just to see if I'd be able to manage to finish the "race" within the allotted 40 minutes. It turned out that I did a little over 5K in less than 28 minutes -- AND I actually *ran* for more than 6 minutes straight on my first attempt!!

I also got really bad shin splints (always happens when I try running), but on my next attempt, I ran for FIFTEEN MINUTES without stopping to walk. That covered a distance of more than one entire mile. I had NEVER run an entire mile in my ENTIRE life -- not when I was in high school, not when I was in college -- NEVER. I know it's not a real fast pace to have set; I am the first to acknowledge that I'm built for comfort and not for speed. Just being able to go an entire mile blows me away.

So I guess it was Talinom that wanted to hear our diet/weight loss stories. The truth of mine is that no dieting has been involved. I have continued to eat what I like, when I want it. There have been times when I've cut back on my latte consumption, or have focused on eating more fish and fruits & veggies -- but honestly, I haven't tried to restrict or modify my diet in an effort to lose weight.

And I haven't even been trying to lose weight, per se. I am fully aware that muscle is a lot more dense than fat, so as I gain muscle, I might see the numbers go wonky and slip in the "wrong" direction a little. I just don't freak out. I don't get real excited when I'm down a pound or two -- and I don't get the least bit fazed when it goes up. I can gain or lose that amount of weight overnight, depending on how hard I've worked out and how much water I've had to drink.

Oh, I think I should also mention that my BMI is 31. That's officially obese, by the way. So please, look at my pictures and see what obesity looks like. (Either that, or acknowledge that maybe BMI is *not* the end-all/be-all of healthy weight gauges.) I think that based on normal charts, since I'm 5'1" I should weigh ideally around 115 pounds. And that just ain't never gonna happen. I've got too much muscle and my tits are just way too big. So hell with the charts -- I'm voluptuous and gonna stay that way. I don't think I'm perfect right where I am -- but I'm not really concerned about "losing more weight" either.

Things that I've really noticed about the changes in my body are, well, yeah, I'm less fat. It really shows in my face, I think. My RoF is reducing in size -- but I've had two kids, and I *never* had a flat stomach even before they were born; I'm not holding out much hope that I'll be able to develop one now. What I find myself particularly excited about is the definition I can see in my arms. Even though my body fat is still pretty high (I don't know what it is, but all you have to do is look at me to know it's true), my arms are well-toned and change shape as I move & engage in different activities.

I also really like how flexible I am now. I can touch my forehead to all different kinds of parts of my body; I can bend and straighten my legs all over the place; I can lean forward & backwards & sideways really far -- while standing flat-footed...

I'm pleased with my body. I enjoy the clothes I can wear. I feel strong and healthy and energetic. I don't need any numbers to tell me any of this. I am living the truth. :-)

October 1, 2006
Thoughtless
Hitting a Self-Destruct Button
By MARK LEIBOVICH

WASHINGTON

POLITICS incubates all manner of gaffe, scandal and humiliation, and then there are those rarified doozies that become classics at I.M. speed.

Hello, Representative Mark Foley, here's your special membership pin and thanks for joining Washington's "What On Earth Was He Thinking?" Caucus.

The illustrious club includes a special "Sex Scandal" subcaucus that features, among others, Wilbur Mills (D-Tidal Basin), Gary Hart (D-Monkey Business), Bob Packwood (R-Senate Elevators) and, of course, Bill Clinton (D-Oval Office).

Mr. Foley, the six-term Republican from Florida, gained slam-dunk admission Friday when he resigned from Congress and apologized to his family and the people of his state over reports that he sent sexually explicit messages to underage male pages.

Note the inclusion of the terms "sexually explicit," "underage," "male" and "page," in addition to the tidbits tidily extracted from the instant messages that ABC News reported were exchanged between Mr. Foley and his 16-year old, er, friend:

"Do I make you a little horny?" Mr. Foley reportedly asked under the log-in name "Maf54."

Teen: "A little."

Maf54: "Cool."

Mr. Foley gets double bonus points for his helpful if imprudent use of electronic mail, which made it so easy to spread around the mirth and amusement and -- oops, scratch that, we mean genuine sadness and compassion. This is Washington, after all.

The exchange was quoted verbatim in the lead story of ABC's "World News Tonight" Friday and linked in its entirety on ABC's Web site under the heading of "READER DISCRETION STRONGLY ADVISED: Foley's Exchange With Underage Page."

Career-ender, in other words. At least until Mr. Foley does his confessional interview on Oprah, gets his very own talk-show ("Mark!") and secures the requisite seven-figure book advance. The book would divulge all the sordid details, except that it's hard to imagine things getting any more sordid than what's already on the Internet. The snippet quoted above is just the PG-13 teaser.

The "Sex Scandal" club is only one subcaucus in the big tent of Washington infamy and shame. There is also the "Blatant Financial Improprieties" subcaucus (with the guest star Duke Cunningham), the "Ill-Advised Nazi Comparison" subcaucus (Howdy, Senator Dick Durbin) and the "Racially Insensitive Remark Directly Into a Video Camera" ("You're an animal, George Allen").

But the sex subcaucus is easily the biggest.

"You always seem to have politicians doing bizarrely self-destructive things, especially involving sex," says Lawrence Kestenbaum, creator of "Political Graveyard," a history Web site that includes an exhaustive cataloging of transgressions by politicians.

Under the heading "Politicians Who Were Ever in Trouble or Disgrace," the section contains 420 entries, in chronological order, many of them involving present and former members of Congress. Among the escapades:

• Barney Frank, Democrat of Massachusetts, was reprimanded when it was revealed that a male lover had been running a prostitution business out of his Capitol Hill apartment.
• Donald (Buz) Lukens, Republican of Ohio, who was convicted of a misdemeanor for having sex with a 16-year-old girl.
• Dan Crane, Republican of Illinois, and Gerry Studds, Democrat of Massachusetts, both of whom were censured by the House for having sexual relations with teenage pages -- Mr. Crane with a female in 1980, Mr. Studds with a male in 1973.

The "Politicians Who Were Ever in Trouble or Disgrace" section comes with the devastatingly simple disclaimer "Very Incomplete!"

Mr. Kestenbaum says improprieties in the political realm tend to resonate more than in others. First, they tend to become public, necessitating apologies and, in many cases, resignations. He points out that if Mr. Foley were a purchasing manager at some store, he might actually keep his job.

"The political world tends to be very judgmental," Mr. Kestenbaum says. This creates towering spectacles of dishonesty, famous last words that are often caught on tape. Mr. Clinton created the gold standard for this when he looked into a camera and indignantly declared, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."

Mr. Foley gets triple bonus points for hypocrisy. As co-chairman of the House caucus on missing and exploited children, he has been a fierce advocate for tough sanctions against people who sexually exploit children over the Internet. Not that Democrats have been pointing this out relentlessly since the news broke or anything.

Or reminding people that Mr. Foley was a big supporter of President Clinton's impeachment.

"Part of his thing was, 'What do we tell the children?'" recalls the longtime Clinton aide Paul Begala. "Apparently, we'll tell them in a sexually explicit e-mail."

Gleeful, anyone? It's unclear exactly where this fits in, but any story about politicians and sex scandals feels incomplete without the iconic quote from Edwin Edwards, the rascally former governor of Louisiana: "The only way I can lose this election," Mr. Edwards once boasted to reporters, "is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy."

He said nothing about instant messaging, however.

...Bethanie?

Indeed, the hills of NE Georgia are alive with the sound of "music."

I attended my first ukulele band practice session today -- and BOY was it FUN!!

I had bought a baritone uke a week ago Friday, but hadn't gotten around to practicing with it at all, so I went into this gathering COMPLETELY clueless as to what I was doing.

OK, maybe not *completely*, because back when I was 18 I tried to teach myself guitar so I actually understood the concept of fingers on strings and frets and reading fingering charts and such. But back when I was doing that, I was teaching myself picking and not chords ('cause I believed my mother when she told me I couldn't -- and shouldn't -- sing. That may still be very true, but at this point I have lost all sense of shame and shed all my inhibitions).

In any case, there were four of us there today, in about a 6'x10' space -- the clear floor space in the front of the proprietor's music store (she's also the leader of the band) -- with chairs and music stands, and, of course, our ukuleles.

Two of the ladies were really good -- they did some lead solo bits on some of the songs and it was a *real* treat to hear them play. And the other lady and I just kinda hung back and strummed in the background.

This is fine with me, as I think I'm going to just subscribe to the "The world needs ditchdiggers, too" philosophy of ukulele playing -- if I can just manage to learn the chords and how to switch between them relatively smoothly AND keep up with the rest of the group singing, then I'll be quite satisfied with my performance.

In any case, today I actually PLAYED the following songs:

• Buffalo Gals
• La Cucaracha (which was my suggestion -- they knew how to play the tune, but not the words; I got to sing sola on that one, and it may end up being our grand finale song, complete with maracas and sombreros *grin*)
• Camptown Races (dooh-dar! dooh-dar!)
• You are my Sunshine
• Clementine
• Hush, Little Baby
• Michael, Row the Boat Ashore
• Polly Wolly Doodle
• She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain

And I learned (kinda -- gotta practice a LOT more before I have the fingering memorized & have it come automatically) the chords A, A7, C, D, D7, something called a D natural 7, G, G7, E minor, and E7.

I couldn't believe how easy it was to simply play along and how good we sounded without ANY practice whatsoever! The songs we did are also pretty darn fun. Glad there aren't too many religious ones -- I don't think I could hang with playing a bunch of Kumbaya and Jesus Loves Me shit. Too tempting to twist the lyrics around to make them filthy dirty and/or very very blasphemous.

So, anyway -- I'm pretty jazzed about having done something today very much outside my realm of previous experience. My fingertips are numb, and I think I'm definitely gonna have to clip my nails, but I'm just really jazzed that I don't suck REALLY bad at it.

Gonna be a while before you get any kind of recordings, though, both because I don't have my own place to post them on the web and because I got LOTS of practicing to do before I'll share with an audience that I can't reach out and bop on the head with my uke if they're too critical (which at this point would be the *least* little bit -- AHEM).

:-D



* Yes, I *do* play Ukulele!

Inspired by Fun Guy's mention of his dog Fezzig (which is SUCH a totally awesome name for a dog!!) I thought I'd put the question out there: What are (or were, if deceased) your animals' names?

I'm sure that among this group we'll have some awesome ones. :-)

(Oh, and in case there's some privacy issue involved, AC posting is enabled. Not so important to know who belongs to whom -- I just wanna hear what cool name you picked out for your pet.)

Or at least I cut my lawn like one.*

But wait... Would a hippie even *have* a lawn? I'd think that letting things just grow wild and natural, maybe with a big ole human-waste-composted garden and a nice, lush stand of pot off to the side somewhere would be more of the "true" hippie style. A nice, green, sodded lawn would be just too... suburban.

In any case, I guess I don't qualify as a bonafide hippie if I've actually got a lawn to mow -- but maybe I get some bonus points for how I do it. (And yes, I generally take my shirt off 'cause I like to get a little sun while I'm outside, but again, it doesn't count as true hippiedom 'cause I actually wear a bra.)

This is my lawnmower. And these are my weedwackers. And this is my leafblower.

And yes, I *am* my own personal Jesus. But I cost a lot less.

I believe it was on NPR this past week (or maybe the week before) that I heard them talking about the greatest energy efficiency is the energy not used. And if that's truly the case, then I am doing my part by providing all the power behind my various yardcare tools.

Honestly, it feels great to get out and push the mower around. When we had the lawn installed (how else would you say it when it's a sod lawn -- you get it "laid"?), I told Hubby that I wanted a reel mower and that if I got one, then I'd do the mowing. He did, and I have been true to my word -- even though I had NEVER mown a lawn before in my entire life.

With a reel mower, it's a completely different experience. It's quiet, for one thing. I can still hear the birds singing, I can hear the sound of the blades cutting the grass... It's quite satisfying. There's also the absence of the smell of the 2-cycle. I *hate* the way that smells. And I also feel a lot safer with the reel mower, even though the cutting mechanism is completely exposed. The thing is, as soon as I stop, the blades stop, too. I am not the least bit concerned about losing any fingers or toes. And that always intimidated me about motor-driven mowers.

I enjoy being out in the sun and getting my sweat on. Helps me justify skipping the gym on a Sunday, even though I know that a day off is good for me. I like thinking of the pampered & spoiled housewives out there hiring personal trainers to help them feel like they're making an effort to lose those extra 15 pounds, while they've got a small army of people in their employ to do the manual labor around the house: tending to the yard, cleaning the pool, doing all the housework... I like thinking about all the money I save by combining all those functions together. Maybe I should package it all up and market it with books and videos and make a zillion dollars. It's called the "Get Off Your Lazy Ass and Do It Yourself, Bitch!" workout.

Hmm... On second thought, maybe not.

In any case, the grass clippers were a gift (along with a good pair of leather gardening gloves) from Hubby for my birthday. Takes a lot of confidence for a man to give his wife that sort of thing for her birthday, particularly considering the potential for expression of displeasure if she happens not to like it. But it was just right. I put them to good use this afternoon after I mowed; I like the nice, neat trimmed look of my vegetation. And I got a nice stretch in my hamstrings, to boot!

After I trimmed the grass, I also installed some black rubber edging between the lawn and the beds. The grass was beginning to encroach upon them, and rather than just letting it go until it became a MAJOR pain in the ass, I actually got out there and took care of it today! Thirty feet of 5" deep trench -- done all by my little lonesome!! I'm feeling very tough, and rather pleased with myself at this point.

Another source of endless pleasure is my basil plant. Started out as one of those dinky little 4" pots from the produce section in the grocery store. I stuck it in the ground over in the corner of one of my planting beds, and, well, you can see for yourself how it's doing. Mmmmm.... ensalada caprese (except I make it with Queso Fresco instead of Mozarella).

So, if any of you recall my New Year's Resolution to put an end to the redneckscape that was my front yard, go ahead and take a gander. It's far from actually being *finished*, but what I have thus far is a very very good start.

*Remember, kids, if you have problems seeing the pictures, click the "Go" button on your browser. In Firefox, it's up there almost all the way over to the right, between the URL window and the Search Engine Window.

...But I know what I like when I hear it.

So I usually don't write much about music. I think that it's one of those things like politics or religion... everyone has their own beliefs and their own opinions, and while they might make for an interesting exercise in comparison and contrast, it's not as if the discussion is going to be productive or anything.

But I made one of my VERY rare (like, maybe 2 or 3 albums a YEAR) purchases of an ENTIRE [double!] album a few weeks ago, and I have been extremely satisfied with said purchase.

Before I get into the actual commentary, I do want to talk about the process of buying music these days.

Of course, I have an iPod... and iTunes (which, by the way, is STILL completely fubared on my Mac; I have lost all my ratings and playlists too many times so now I won't give it permission to do ANYTHING it suggests. Sam wrote a JE a while back about backing up playlists -- I gotta go back to that and do what it says before I'm gonna fix stuff.)... and now I even have a MacBook.

I enjoy finding and downloading new music on iTunes -- the instant gratification rocks (quite literally, most of the time).

But when it comes to buying entire albums, I would prefer to buy the hard copy. First of all, as I seldom buy ANYthing "hot off the presses," it's usually easy to find what I want used. And the thing is, when I buy the hard copy, then I don't have to worry about DRM and not being allowed to make more than X number of copies -- for whatever reasons I have. I consider the plastic disc a sound investment. If I could pay an upgrade fee for a DRM-free copy of an album (or even for a few choice songs), I'd *definitely* do so in some cases.

In any case, the album in question is Stadium Arcadium, by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Of course, I heard (and saw) Dani California in the mainstream media -- and it's a good, solid pop tune in their own particular idiom. But it got me to listening to the older stuff of theirs that I have (namely Mother's Milk and Blood Sugar Sex Magik) and I realized that I *really* like it.

When I was a kid (high school) and listened to it, it was too screechy for me, and it bothered me that I couldn't understand Anthony Kiedis's lyrics -- either what they were or, when I could make them out, what they meant. The heavy guitar bits were just too much for me.

Now, though, I can appreciate some heavy shit. And I've come to realize *just* how funky this shit is. It doesn't bother me that I don't know all that's being said nor that it can be literally interpreted. Actually, that's really refreshing, 'cause I get really tired of ALL the damn trite crap that's out there.

In any case, I have had Stadium Arcadium "in hand" now for about 3 weeks -- and I have been enjoying listening to it VERY intently since I got it. The best way I can sum it up is to say that it's just eminently listenable.

My favorite is probably "Hump de Bump" for sheer funk factor. The music is perfect. Who can listen to this song and NOT bump their hips and flap their elbows out to the sides of their heads?

....

OK, maybe that's just me. But it really gets me going.

And on the elliptical trainer, I experienced a moment of pure nirvana when, at 22 minutes into a 30-minute session, "Storm in a Teacup" started pulsing through my iPod and directly into my brain. 'Cause you KNOW I can straddle the atmosphere... DAMN that worked up a GOOD sweat.

This morning it occurred to me that "She's Only 18" would make a perfect song to pole dance and/or fuck to (or maybe even both!). It's just that kinda song.

Don't get me wrong. Not every song on both discs puts me in the mood to sweat and/or fuck and/or dance exotically (well, no moreso than usual, anyway!). There are a few, like "Hey" and "Hard to Concentrate" and "If" and "We Believe" and especially "Animal Bar" that actually made me think of that sweet, emo-boy Zach Braff movie soundtrack for Garden State. I think it's that aquatic-style vibration effect they're using. It sounds a little swirly and a touch psychedelic; it's good.

The opening licks of "Torture Me" remind me of that scene in Spinal Tap when they explore the "jazz fusion" incarnation of the band at the state fair or wherever it was -- but the song is good. It's one that I found going through my head when I woke up and as I went through my day last week.

In any case, among these 28 songs there is PLENTY of variety, and yet, there's also a comfortable familiarity with the sounds and voices of these guys that have been growing and evolving just as I have over the past 20 years. It's kinda cool when your music grows up as you do.

I can't say that I think EVERYone should buy or listen to this album -- all I know is that it's going to be one that I will be listening to for a VERY long time to come, that will very likely always be associated in some way with this period in my life (like Indigo Girls and Lyle Lovett when I was applying to college, or San Francisco Days from Chris Isaak the spring that I graduated).

And speaking of Chris Isaak -- I went to Chastain on 29 August to go see him perform. And "perform" is something of an understatement. The man is a GREAT entertainer. He's smart and sexy and funny and DAMN if he can't belt out a tune. He has a seriously beautiful voice.

There were essentially 3 acts to the concert. The first started out with high energy and fast pacing... And he even took his mic and guitar (each separately in two different instances) and went out INTO the audience in the amphitheater. It was extremely fun -- and delightfully refreshing in post-911 America that he should do so even though there were NO metal detectors or bag checks when entering the venue. Finished up the first act with a VERY good cover of Cheap Trick's "I Want You to Want Me," which was already near and dear to my heart -- now it's even moreso. He OWNED that song.

In the second act, he and 4 or 5 bandmates sat around on stools and played GREAT rearrangements of some of his slower, more romantic hits. He had a great anecdote to share about an electric slide thingie that he and the guys had bought out from under one of the band members on eBay -- they whipped it out right there on stage without the guy even realizing that it was THEY who had bought it; so the entire audience got let in on the joke.

Another nice thing was learning that Chris Isaak has been playing with the same group of guys for 20 years.

For the "encore" (final act), Chris came out on stage wearing his famed mirrored suit. I think what impressed me most was that he was pretty frank about his sex appeal -- and charmingly self-deprecating about the whole celebrity status thing. He did some great hip bumps a la Elvis, but almost self-mockingly. Gave props to the late, great Roy Orbison. Had a gaggle of hot young chicks come up and dance with them on stage.

Personally, I LOVED being out in the sultry Georgia night. I particularly loved being out late on a SCHOOL night. And it was fun getting out on my own down in the city, too. The entire experience was enjoyable in every sense of the word.

On a couple other musical notes (HA), I wanted to be sure to point out to those of you who might care (Gecko?) that Bob Seger's Night Moves is available on iTunes now, and it seems that he's coming out with a new album or something? I can't find the info anymore, but it was in their weekly email thing.

And I happened to turn on Pandora today, and she played me the most WONDERFUL song. "Do it Again" by Stroke 9. When you hear it, just think of me. That's all I ask.

Oh, and I'm joining a ukulele band. Actually, it's more like a lesbian ukulele jam session -- but I've been invited to come take part. So I'm working on teaching myself how to play at least a little bit. The next time they're getting together is in a couple of weeks. I bought a baritone ukulele today and a decent book with a CD, but I don't think I'm quite getting it. I think I *might* have managed to get the thing in tune -- but I need better pictures than what I have, particularly for the fingering charts.

But the nice thing is that with age, I am learning to be more patient with myself. I'm giving myself more allowance for learning curves. Even the fact that I would subject myself to something brand-spankin-new and completely foreign to me is a sign of significant personal evolution.

There isn't any real purpose to the group except to get together and play and sing and laugh. There's talk of perhaps taking part in one of the local parades, and putting on a show as part of the children's program at the local library this spring. I'd enjoy actually performing -- but I want to get a bit of musical chops first, so that I don't inflict too much pain on my poor audience.

Speaking of which, if I can manage to figure out how to do it, I'll post a couple of my GarageBand projects, since we seem to be doing a little show and tell. I know y'all will be waiting with bated breath. :-)

These are the songs that I'm burning for my students. Just thought it might be fun to share with a bit of annotation.

Track 1: Livin' La Vida Loca (from Shrek 2)
Artist: Eddie Murphy / Antonio Banderas
Starting off with something I expect them to at least be familiar with. Personally, I think this version rocks WAY more than the original -- and there's just a touch of Spanish for fun.

Track 2: In These Shoes?
Artist: Kirsty MacColl
Another one with a little bit of Spanish, and just an all-around HOTT fucking song, anyway.

Track 3: Peaches
Artist: The Presidents of the United States of America
Suitable for any immigrant to Georgia, particularly our rural neck of the woods. Lots of repetition and incorrect use of reflexive pronouns (Gonna eat ME a lot of peaches) that we can discuss.

Track 4: Like a Prayer
Artist: Madonna
I had a specific request for some Madonna. This seemed good enough.

Track 5: Joy to the World
Artist: Three Dog Night
Hmmm... Somehow, this song just has universal appeal to me. Plus, singing about a bullfrog with wine? If that doesn't fuck them up, nothing will!

Track 6: Talkin' at the Texaco
Artist: James McMurtry
A very apt description of life around here. I think they'll enjoy the humor.

Track 7: I Loved You Yesterday
Artist: Lyle Lovett
A touch of Spanish in this one, plus it's romantic (which they said they wanted) and uses both preterite and present tense.

Track 8: The Lady in Red
Artist: Chris de Burgh
OK, OK, OK. TOTALLY cheese-a-rific, but they SAID they wanted slow, romantic songs. And really, is there any slower, more romantic song than this one? We'll listen to it and end up little puddles of melty goo in our seats. Or maybe we'll talk about the past perfect tense. That'll be fun.

Track 9: This Kiss
Artist: Faith Hill
Romantic and rockin', with some great vocab.

Track 10: Housework
Artist: Robert Palmer
Couldn't make a playlist without some Roberto, now, could I? This one is great for all kinds of "housework"-related vocab AND it has a little twist, if they're paying attention to their pronouns. We'll see who gets the joke.

Track 11: Coconut
Artist: Harry Nilsson
I can think of absolutely no legitimate reason to have this one on the list. The diction is bad, the vocab is confusing, it goes really fast... But dammit, I'm the teacher and I LIKE this song. So it's in.

Track 12: Sweet Caroline
Artist: Neil Diamond
Another sentimental favorite. I kinda wanna see if this works across cultures. If nothing else, we can go through the whole thing and write every "-ing" word and double negative correctly.

Track 13: True Fine Love
Artist: Steve Miller Band
Looking for a good beat, simple lyrics? DUDE. SMB *is* the answer! Plus, "get your rocks off" and "knock your socks off" are good idioms to know.

Track 14: Dancing Queen
Artist: ABBA
Reminds me of the quinceañeras. Maybe it will for them, too.

Track 15: Ironic
Artist: Alanis Morissette
Good narrative lyrics, good vocab, helps explain the concept of irony. Plus, she's like... GOD.

Track 16: South of the Border (Down Mexico Way)
Artist: Chris Isaak
Another track with a bit of Spanish, and romantic. Plus... Chriiiiiisssss.... ... ... ...

OK. I'm back. Anyone got a Kleenex?

Track 17: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off
Artist: Harry Connick, Jr.
How fun to play with the either/either/neither/neither thing with ESL students!

Track 18: Better Than Anything
Artist: Natalie Cole & Diana Krall
Great tune, one of my favorites -- and AWESOME vocab. We could do a whole week of review and discussion on this song alone.

Track 19: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/It's a Wonderful World
Artist: Israel K
Beautiful version, optimistic & all that shit. Plus reminds me of Robin Williams' character in Good Morning Vietnam, and who wouldn't want to be THAT kind of ESL teacher?

Track 20: Ev'ry time We Say Goodbye
Artist: Simply Red
A little Cole Porter to tie things up. I remember when I was 14 and heard this song (THIS version, as a matter of fact) and thought, "WOW. *That's* a good song!" Of course, I had no idea it was a cover. Silly silly silly me.

So guess what.

I got a job.

Yeah. That's right. I'm not a desperately attention-starved nympho housewife anymore.

I'm a desperately attention-starved nympho teacher of English as a Second Language instead!

For a variety of reasons, I decided that it was time to get back into the job market, to refresh my skills, to do something that would actually be recognized by society as *productive* for a change.

And please don't feed me that line of bullshit about how valuable mothers are and how it's the most important job anyone can ever do -- I've been doing it for five years now, and you know what? It''s a fuckin' SHITTY job.

No, literally.

Shit.

All over the place.

Shit in the diapers. Shit from the dog. Cleaning shit off the toilets. Picking shit up off the floor. Cooking shit for dinner. And as soon as you finish with one pile of shit, there are two more that have taken its place.

You never actually accomplish anything, you never actually do *enough* for anyone, you're always a failure in *some* regard.

And in the meantime, you're a kept woman. No income to call your own (unless you were independently wealthy going into the deal), no pride in bringing home a paycheck. Minimal feedback except for complaints. It just basically, all-around sucks.

So I went out and got a job. I'm teaching ESL 16 hours a week (4 hours a day, 4 days a week). I've got about 16-22 adult students (depending on the day). So far I'm a week into it. And I love it. It's fun.

I get to stand up in front of a group of people who listen to me, who think I'm smart, who laugh at my jokes (when I manage to translate them correctly). I get to write on a white board. I get to practice my Spanish. I get to push myself around the classroom in a wheelie chair.

And I'm helping people. Not only am I transferring knowledge and skills, I am also instilling confidence in and nurturing my students. I love pointing out the parts of the language that gringos have problems with and explaining to them how they will have an advantage because they know what the words *mean* rather than just how they sound, and will see immediately how the wrong form of "their/there/they're" just doesn't make sense.

I'm showing them that I value their time and commitment to improving their lives, and doing my darndest to contribute to their efforts to the best of my own abilities.

I'm a teacher. I'm making lesson plans. I'm reviewing curricula. I'm considering various techniques and how to incorporate technology into our learning. I'm exploring alternatives to sitting around a table and talking as a means of learning. I'm focusing on goals and methods and tools.

It feels fucking AWESOME. It fits perfectly into my life. Naturally, I still have the shit work waiting for me when I get home again... But when it's balanced out with work that actually involves using my *mind* for something, it all of a sudden just doesn't seem all that damn bad.

I am really proud of me.

Yes indeedy doodly, I DID go see Snakes on a Plane! last night, 'cause, well, it was an opportunity that presented itself and I was prepared to take it and make the most of it.

The movie itself... Well, really, it's exactly what you'd expect. I'll avoid spoilers but basically sum it up as such: Did you see Speed? Well, change the bus for a plane and take out Keanu Reeves and add Sam Jackson and leave out Sandra Bullock altogether. Then replace the bombs with snakes and add lots more CGI effects. And you've pretty much got the movie.

But what SoaP has that Speed didn't is MONTHS of pre-release hype and cult status before anyone's ever even seen the fucker. So the people that go into see this movie are going to fall into one of two essential categories: 1) ignorant motherfuckers who'll go see any piece of shit in a movie theater just 'cause it's there (who will probably think it's a pretty good action flick, 'cause their standards are just that low and/or they don't know any better) and 2) the people who are privy to the hype and locked and loaded to laugh out loud and hoot & holler at all the magical uber-cheesy movie moments (like me and a couple groups of kids/20-somethings scattered around the nearly empty theater last night).

I have never been to a Rocky Horror show in a theater, but Hubby grew up in that era, so he has broken it down for me. I can see the same-ish sort of thing developing around SoaP... maybe. Then again, maybe it doesn't need to follow the Rocky Horror model for cult status. Maybe the memorabilia & general pop culture detritus will be sufficient to mark its place in cinematic history.

In any case, I, for one, will be able to bounce my grandchildren (or SOMEone's grandchildren) on my knee someday and tell them that, yea verily -- I was THERE. And on OPENING NIGHT even!!

One Kool Kiddie brownie point for me!

I looooooves you!!!

Can I have your babies (in the sense of, "I really don't want to have any more kids, but for you, I would")?

Sincerely,
Bethanie

So maybe some of you uber special geeks can give me an idea of what the fuck is going wrong with the touchpad on my laptop now.

All of a sudden, it's not as responsive as it's supposed to be. It'll work OK, and then hang up for one to three seconds or so. And to wake it up again, I have to move it either to the left or up or down -- can't go directly to the right from its narcoleptic state.

And seeing as how the arrow keys on the keyboard STILL aren't responding, it makes navigating around the screen a REAL pain in the patootie.

I have done some Google searching about "touchpad troubleshooting" (found nothing helpful) and I cleaned it with a LIGHTLY alcohol-dampened cotton ball. Still no improvement.

So, anyone have any ideas? There was nothing new or unusual that happened to *cause* this; it just started out of the blue this afternoon.

I'd appreciate any suggestions y'all have to offer.

Voila:

Neutral Good Half-Elf Druid Mage
Follower Of Mielikki

Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.

Primary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.

Secondary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.

Now I just need to master the spell of Self-Pleasuring (Level 13) and I'll be *totally* good to go!

So, I get my MacBook back from Memphis, where apparently they replaced "APP-603-8071 ASSY, HEATSINK, M42".

Run upstairs with it, pull it out of the box, say sweet, happy things to it to welcome it home, plug it in, turn it on... It WORKS!!! Do little happy wiggle dance of operable MacBook joy. Start checking email.

Little icon starts jumping up and down in the dock. What's that? Oh, you want a security upgrade? OK, I guess that'll be fine.

Continue checking my email for a few minutes while the update downloads. Needs to restart? OK, sure -- might as well do it now, before I really get into anything. Go ahead, restart.

Three minutes later, looking at a blank grey screen: Hey. Are you gonna restart?

Three minutes after that, same grey screen: Awwwww FUCK.

Fortunately I still have the Monster Laptop PC up and running -- easy enough to hop on Apple.com and try to see if there's some fun way to try to reboot the machine from a disk or from the last saved hard drive image or something... To no avail. I find apple.com/support to be pretty much useless; I can't ever find what it is that I want there.

So fuck it, I paid for this phone support shit. Might as well call and get in the queue.

So, after trying to reboot from the CD, resetting the PMU, and asking it *really* nicely, the MacBook is getting yet ANOTHER trip to Memphis.

Interesting thing is, it vacillates between giving me the blank grey screen and a nice, pretty one with multicolored stripes. And this is how I feel about it.

Anyone wanna start placing bets as to what's wrong with it this time? How about whether or not they ACTUALLY get it fixed this time around?

Also, what do y'all think I should demand of them for all the time and trouble this stupid fucking machine has caused me, short of returning it for a full refund? (Although, to be honest, the return/refund option is *very* much on the table at the moment.)

August 6, 2006
Debating the Course of Chile's Rivers
By LARRY ROHTER

COYHAIQUE, Chile -- With Chile trying to manage both Latin America's most dynamic economy and a looming energy squeeze, the government has embraced a plan to build a series of dams here in the rugged, pristine heart of Patagonia that would flood thousands of acres.

The plan, proposed by a Spanish-owned electricity company, would harness the rushing rivers of the sparsely populated region known as Aisén, which is dotted with national parks and nature reserves. But environmental groups have condemned the proposal, which they say will damage ranching and tourism. They have mounted an international campaign to block construction.

"There are so few places on earth with the qualities of the Patagonia region of Chile that it's really criminal to try to foist this kind of project on the Chilean people in the name of avoiding impending blackouts and all that sort of thing," said Glenn Switkes, Latin American coordinator for the International Rivers Network. "This is going to be a long battle, in the trenches, using every legal and political tactic possible."

For the last 20 years, Chile has enjoyed Latin America's highest sustained level of growth. But its weak spot is a lack of domestic energy sources. Chile imports more than 90 percent of the petroleum, gas and coal it uses, and the needs are rising.

Neighboring Bolivia and Argentina are rich in gas. But Bolivia refuses to sell any to Chile until a century-old border dispute is resolved, and Argentina has just raised its price as much as 50 percent. As a result, the pressure to harness Patagonia's vast energy potential is increasing.

"It is a crime against Chile not to use Aysén's hydroelectric resources," Jorge Rodríguez Grossi, minister of economy in the government that left office in March, has argued. In an interview in January, he called opponents of the project antipatriotic because they were blocking efforts to "seek greater sovereignty in the electricity supply."

The project has provoked intense opposition in this area of Patagonia. The electricity generated would be consumed in the country's heartland, not here, civic and environmental groups complain, and would bring few benefits and a host of problems.

"This is not the kind of development we want here at the end of the world," said Patricio Segura, a leader of the Citizens' Coalition for Aisén here in the region's capital.

"There is no need to transform Patagonia into another Santiago,'' he said. "We want our resources to be used, but in a responsible manner."

Endesa, the Spanish company that wants to build the dams, declined interview requests. But its Web site describes the project as consisting of six dams, four on the Baker River and two on the Pascua River, that would generate 2,430 megawatts, come into operation between 2012 and 2018, and require a total investment of $4 billion, including $1.5 billion to build power lines.

If the project is not built or is postponed, "Chile will increase its dependence on external energy sources in an unsustainable form," Rafael López Rueda, managing director of Chilectra, part of the Endesa group, said in an interview with the Chilean newspaper Tercera this year. "Natural resources like coal, diesel or gas would have to be imported from other countries to be transformed into electricity" at a high cost.

Project opponents agree that Chile needs a reliable supply of energy. But they argue that other renewable sources are available that are cheaper, less intrusive, more efficient and not subject to foreign control, in forms as diverse as geothermal energy and ethanol made from wood chips generated by tree plantations.

"Because of the malign energy model we have, there has been zero development of alternative energy sources," said Juan Pablo Orrego, the director of Eco-Sistemas, an environmental group. "It would not be hard, and would be much to our benefit as a nation, to diversify both the sources and the suppliers of energy."

Endesa won government approval for the first stage of the project this year and has already begun geologic and hydrological soundings. It talks of starting construction in 2008. But Endesa has not yet submitted a formal feasibility study or an environmental impact assessment, which environmentalists see as likely battlegrounds in efforts to halt the plan.

Initially, the power generated here, if the project is approved, would be transmitted more than 1,000 miles north to the industrial and mining heartland of Chile. That would require building power lines, most likely through nature reserves, which environmentalists fear will devalue the region's tourism potential.

Traditionally, the main source of income and employment in the region have been cattle and sheep. The project would flood grazing land by the dams. But tourism has grown rapidly in recent years as Patagonia's mystique spreads. A 2004 regional development plan singled out tourism as a key to Aysén's growth.

The government's National Energy Commission declined requests for an interview, as did the minister of mines and energy, Karen Poniachik. But in a letter sent in July to environmental and religious groups in Patagonia, she maintained that "investment decisions in the electricity area reside exclusively in the private sector," not with the state.

Independent analysts argue that such a laissez-faire policy, characteristic of Chile's embrace of free-market economics, has contributed to the deepening energy problem. If there were a national strategy, they argue, there would be a greater effort to conserve energy and invest in alternative sources, practices that would probably end soaring corporate profits.

"Chile lacks a serious and responsible energy policy," said Miguel Márquez, an energy consultant and director of the Center for Energy Studies at the Austral University. "Endesa responds to its board in Madrid, not to this country, so it is a rather strange kind of autonomy they are offering us."

The project here has also stirred Patagonia's traditional resentment of what it sees as its stepchild status in relation to the rest of the country. The Aysén region, settled early in the 20th century, accounts for 15 percent of Chile's territory but has fewer than 100,000 residents and has traditionally complained that Santiago ignores its voice and interests.

"We make sacrifices to live here, including the highest cost of living and putting up with few paved roads or schools, and how does the country respond?" the mayor here, David Sandoval, asked in an interview. "They tell us we have to hand over the energy potential we have and not expect anything in return."

In addition, Endesa controls more than 80 percent of the water rights in the Aysén region, a source of resentment in a region that has some of the largest reserves of fresh water in the world.

When the state-owned power company was privatized at the end of the dictatorship of Gen. Augusto Pinochet, in the late 1980's, on terms that have been criticized as a giveaway to military cronies, those rights were transferred from the government to private stockholders.

The project has also created an unusual alliance between the salmon industry and environmentalists, including the Americans Douglas Tompkins and his wife, Kristine McDivitt, owner of a 171,000-acre parcel of land she wants to donate as a national park. The two groups are normally bitter enemies, with the environmentalists accusing salmon farmers of polluting Patagonia's waters, but they have united in their opposition to the dam project.

"As a businessman, I am convinced we have something valuable in Patagonia in our flora, fauna and people," said Victor Hugo Puchi, a native of Aysén who is the chairman of Aquachile, the country's largest salmon farming company. "After years of isolation, it would be terribly unjust for the region to be threatened by an act of aggression against the very activities the region has chosen for its development."

Upstairs, but able to hear the TV playing downstairs.

Commercials.

The song playing is "All you need is love." You know -- by the hippie "Imagine" guy.

Selling a credit card. With "rewards."











Either this is a proud capitalist moment or a shadow has dimmed my faith in the integrity of mankind.

*sigh*