PHEH.
When Dear Leader Futarman jumps the shark, you can be sure there will be a motorcycle, and a shark, involved.

At least I hope he can do better than holing up in a casino for years and allowing his company to be used as a front by the CIA to steal a sunken Soviet submarine.
Actually, come to think about it, THAT's pretty rad.

1. 1. Windows may not injure a member of the Microsoft board or, through inaction, allow a member of the Microsoft board to come to harm.
2. 2. Windows must obey the orders given to it by the NSA, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. 3. Windows must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law
4. 3. CLASSIFIED

They' called caltrops.
Of course, if we're buying them on a military contract, they cost 20x as much as the civilian version.

I'll leave the ultimate zinger for somebody else...