Clearly, the son had shit he did not wish to share, with family, or otherwise. Be it GLBTQ, furry, sci-fi, Dr. Who, Mystery Men, Office Space, or Other, clearly, the deceased didn't feel it was necessary to come out, so unless their final wishes were privy to you, respect their wishes. And trust their judgement. Seriously, there's opinions older than I am now from family online that would rather not know that I live in Oklahoma with my boyfriend. Even knowing that it's pretty much a $5 and 45 minute process for us to get married. But enough of my problems...seriously, come out or get off the pot. Literally. If you can't deal with it, stop dragging it out and break up. If you can, let your folks know. It's not 1998 anymore.
And I say this as someone who moved to Tulsa to get away from Portland's homophobic culture that punishes anyone who isn't heteronormative or white, based on actual experience as a bisexual Cherokee who grew up native to NE PDX and later Beaverton...Oregon has no room for anyone who isn't willing to work for far less money than it costs to live there, especially if they aren't all Euro-white, cis-gendered, straight, and willing to go against anybody who isn't a heteronormative, white, straight, male, european-descended person. Seriously, google "Whitest city in America" and realise that it doesn't get any better in any state in the Pacific or Mountain time zones...