Yes, Windows 8 has definitely demonstrated awesome superiority and everyone loves it.

Yes, and of course this proves once again that "open source/Linux is bad" and "Windows is good."

Bugs are everywhere. How many bugs have been in Windows since the beginning? We generally don't get to know that about closed systems.

I'm more impressed with how fast a fix was rolled out.

It's due to global warming.

No. Definitely due to global warming.

I think this is as much about training as it is about a technical solution, but here goes.

My wife clicks on anything, so I set her up a Linux Mint machine. I removed everything from the Desktop, and I took the "menu" button off the bottom bar. She could restore it but she doesn't know how and doesn't care about it.

Then I put one, and only one, icon on the Desktop --- for Firefox. I made sure everything was set up, installed AdBlock and Ghostery, and that's it. Done. She can do one thing, which is launch the browser.

In the Poster's case, I would have three icons: Google Chrome (fixed up with AdBlock and Ghostery), Thunderbird (so mail can be read offline), and one icon tied to a script to launch the dialup. (Or even better, use that old dialup-on-demand software; I don't remember the name but back in the day it worked perfectly.) I wouldn't necessarily put a file manager on the Desktop. Too much chance of messing something up.

Set up Thunderbird to automatically fetch mail when started. Definitely switch to a gmail account to get around all the size issues.

I think this would give what was requested, except for remote troubleshooting. Someone suggested dynamic DNS and ssh, and that might work well enough.

For the most part I would also want the machine locked down enough so that an incompetent but well-meaning do-gooder can't make a hash of things.

I would have started dumping on Apple but when Google put the "feature" in Kitkat to disallow general write permission to the SD card, effectively making an SD card almost worthless unless you root your Android phone, I had to admit that there is enough guilt to go around.

Oh, wait, what's that you say? Apple phones don't have a provision for an SD card?

"In the end, yeah, Windows, yuck, but deal-able, and it's really disingenuous to pretend that because they have dumb downed the initial install package to Windows levels, that the actual ongoing user experience of Linux is nearly that plug and play for most folks, so to speak."

I don't disagree, and the average Jane won't be able to maintain Linux (although I wonder if the average Jane can maintain Windows, either, if something goes wrong).

But consider this situation: I set up a Linux machine for my wife to use (she likes to click on, well, everything, and I figured it would be safer). I do updates every so often. I support it for her. But it's not like it needs much support.

She doesn't even know it's not Windows. She has no idea what she's running and doesn't care, as long as she can browse, do email and Facebook, etc.

There is no problem. I could care less if other people run Windows as long as I don't have to. If somebody buys a computer with Windows pre-installed and then decides to run Windows because it's an appliance mentality, no skin off my nose. If they're happy, great.

The primary problem for me, though, is in being forced to pay for Windows. I build my desktop machines from components so it's not an issue there. Laptops ... it's an issue.)

The secondary problem is friends and relatives asking me for help with their Windows computers, but I can happily tell them I don't run Windows and sorry, can't help; however I'd be happy to install Linux for them.