"Open the pod bay doors"
"HAI!"

Well, they were made in Japan...

Those damned satellite thieves are getting bolder every day.

I'll say. They pretend to wipe the windshield clean with their squeegees, next thing you'll notice, the bucket was filthy to begin with.

Right when we're on the verge of inventing cryosleep for interstellar space travel, come NASA's new wave of coffeemaker makers. No sleep for the wicked, and none for the shuttle pilot either.

good, because the use of we're raises some concern...

cut the cable. Very simple.
 
You remember what happened to Han (Solo)? Good luck surviving the carbonite freeze!

It's fine, it was waaay easier to do my own voice over ...the final frontier...these are the voyages of the starship Enterprise...

I mean, come on, we're having such a hard time getting frickin' lasers for our sharks! Let me guess, an army of accountants to figure out how much we're going to save on our taxes?

There were laws against texting while driving, so he submitted this summary from the passenger seat

i told you, not all of them have touchscreens!

You know, very few people can claim to have actually met the guy that invented Get off my lawn!

Smartest guy I know wastes most of every day playing Xbox and smoking pot.

Dammit you swore not to tell! Now Daddy's gonna cut off my allowance. Next pizza's on you, pal

or joe. You may not write the next Game of Thrones but you can get the same look-and-feel that he's having. Don't forget to unplug that wifi while you-re at it. Oops just had a blonde moment there.

Surely your minions have done all this by now, aren't you following the Evil Mastermind Playbook:Organizing in an Evil Organization?

Sure they're busy posting...about golf. The previous /. generation would've posted more about pizza, simultaneously perpetuating the pale basement dwelling, couch potating discerning Italian cuisine stereotype.

I agree; I couldn't let go of the paper (also ran on Washington Post); somewhere out there is my dream job! Bringing in a chromebook would mean you are from the surface and if I brought in bottled water it would be a crime--just kidding!