See my response to Captain Splendid.

But they did improve one thing. I was able to write every response to this journal without "slowdown cowboy" crap.

I got it and are about to reply.

See my response to Captain Splendid for more details.

As long as it has tiger-code running through its veins, I'm fine with Slashdot pulling a Charlie Sheen.

See my previous response for details, plus I adore (and agree with) your signature. Although I can't drink because of some blood-thinning medication and I'm slowly reducing tobacco consumption. I feel like a traitor to the cause, but I need to outlive my mother. After that, it don't matter much really. People can deal with it, she can't.

I am still getting messages for replies to journals. I want to keep in touch, I just couldn't deal with the X number of journal entries to read and I 've since given up on the front page. (In fact, calling it the front page is similar to calling it the outlook from my perspective, just prepend MS to it and you get the idea)

The primary anti-psychotic (they're not going the anti-depressant rout) has a commercial. It listed side-effects. Some were doozies.

"So Doc, how many in the test group did suffer from spontaneous decapitation?"

Increased suicidal ideation wasn't going to be a problem. What's it gonna do, add hours to the day? I've been on it since shortly after publishing this journal and I feel good. Someone with whom I interact regularly did a double take when the answer to "how are you?" was "you know what, pretty good actually." My previous most positive answer was "slightly better than average" or "not dead" depending on your perspective.

I've actually been doing something other than sitting around pondering mortality and why it had to happen to me, and playing X-Box. I've almost completey rearrangrd my room and I can tell the OCD tendencies (good ones like organization, not bad ones like mapping the constellations in the ceiling tiles and realizing there's pattern, they just cut the tiles in a shape that's different from the shape of the pattern so it's less noticable)

Maybe he'll play Sheemee?(sp?)

Thank you for the positive thoughts. I feel better (both physically and emotionally) than I have for a long time. I was slowly ending my life through unchecked alcohol consumption, and that consumption eliminated anything remotel resembling motivation. But I've engaged in axtra-occupation and extra-residential activities on the weekends (something that would not have happend a month ago). And I am working on improving the material aspects of my existence, in addition to the physiological and emotional. I got permission from my landlord to refurbish my room. First by removing artifacts that were ther before I moved in. The only restriction was no yellow walls. I've finished painting the walls and installed a new cieling fan that I like. I'll now be cleaning the exposed floor. Then sort the books I have into various catagories. Books I want to keep. Books my mom would be interested in, and other. (I think maybe donating them to a local library or a good old fashioned book-buring:)

Last I read and witnessed that things HAVE changed, just not for the better.

Maybe with the psych work that'll be going on I'll be more willing to contribute to discusssions, both here and Multiply. I've got a Face Book account but never really do anything to it.

People only think it's good to be "not dead" only because they are afraid of the unknown of the alternative.

Read what's in my bio box and ther'll be more of an explanation.

It's not coming easily. I never really wanted to quit. I still don't. It was something I wanted to do for the rest of my (tobacco-related foreshortened) life. It was a conscious desicion to start.

But, I'm doing fairly good numbers-wise. I can't go cold tirkey (especially dipping at work) without an assault charge and the related consequences.

The message would have been a lot shorter or not present (depending on whether my will is caried out).

But thanks for the well-wishing. Although I now have a near fool-proof for self-termination. But now I don't have that sort of ideation constantly.

Americans like (should I say expect) immediate gratification. An hour long game that ends in a 0-0 tie just isn't exiting enough. Just a guess though, not being a fan of watching sports myself.

I got hornswoggled into going to a pub with a couple English coworkers when England played Brazil (2002?).

It was an English pub in a fairly touristy part of town. It was frequented by a large number of Englishmen and was packed for the game. Two Brazilian fellows stopped by to watchy the game. They were quite pleased with the outcome. Their exuberance was manifest as they celebrated the victory surrounded by dozens of angry English. My English coworkers said they thought there was going to be a brawl.