Journal The Fun Guy's Journal: 192.4 One year anniversary 1
As my lovely wife pointed out to me, today is a red letter day. Today is the one year anniversary of my last day in the pit.
I tried to support the good, reassure the wavering, hold accountable the marginal and contain the cancerous. I got my nose broken for my efforts, and I paid a high price in self-confidence and emotional stability, but I stood up to the bullies while I was there. When my boss' boss' boss tried to strong arm me into staying longer, I saw that it was to no purpose, so I stood up to him, too.
I blame myself for having had too high an opinion of myself as I took on the job. Even though my boss' boss' boss arranged things so that I couldn't say no to the assignment, I could have done things differently had I brought more humility and empathy to the task. Things still would have gone into the crapper, but I might not have been so shattered by it all.
I blame my boss' boss' boss for misunderstanding the situation in the first place, for designing and implementing his response to it so ham-handedly, for misleading me about what I would find when I got into the job, and for overstating how much support I could expect as I tried to make changes. He should have known that such a viper's nest of vicious old assassins was no place for a rookie, however bright eyed and eloquent.
Most of all, I blame the people in that unit. They are clannish, insular, inbred and twisted monsters, and I pray for the strength to forgive them and to pity them as much as I hate them. They would rather suffer, kill and die in a cesspool of their own making, would rather fight over the right to be king of their private shitpile than allow themselves to be led out of the darkness by someone not their own.
So, I lift my glass of pleasantly toxic amber liquid. Here's to having survived the experience, and to the progress I've made in moving from survival to recovery. I have a way to go, but I'm working on it.
Prost.
Salute! (Score:2)