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The Battlefield Earth Contest
from the is-there-anything-good-about-this-movie? dept.
Nothing positive about Battlefield Earth comes to mind. Critics and moviegoers have exhausted entire vocabularies of expletives and adjectives trashing this shipwreck of a movie, not only the worst movie of the 21st century but perhaps of the 20th as well.
Battlefield Earth makes Ishtar and Waterworld look like Citizen Kane. There are plenty of bad movies, but a major studio release without a single redeeming quality is a rarity, historically significant in its own right.
You've all heard by now how horrible this film is, so here's a chance to go against the mob -- always a worthwhile quest -- and challenge conventional wisdom. The greatest opportunity this film offers is to find something good about it.
Is there anything praiseworthy about Battlefield Earth? I confess, having seen it twice, the only thing I can come up with are the pretty good special effects involving in blowing up an alien planet. Otherwise, it's a case study in awful writing, unspeakable direction, grotesque cinematography, horrific acting, and ugly, clunky design.
Those with little disposable income should just skip it. Video rentals will be very cheap. But for film-lovers who might appreciate the opportunity to ponder just how bad a movie can be, it's actually worth a trip. You will leave the theater with lots to talk about, I promise, and a pleasant feeling of superiority.
The story, briefly: It's 3000, and the "man-animals" have been nearly obliterated by a greedy, ill-tempered group of aliens called Psychlos -- kind of like Klingons with dreadlocks, only deeply into making money. Talk about mixing cultural metaphors. They are led by Terl (played by the hapless John Travolta, who now faces yet another comeback struggle) who, even though his race has mastered enough technology to conquer the universe, is obsessed with amassing gold. A studly man-animal named Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (played with truly numbing woodenness by Barry Pepper) decides to leave his desolate home high in the Rocky Mountains (they wear prehistoric, Flintstones-style clothes, but also have time to do dreadlocks) to take on the Psychlos, headquartered in a vast glass dome built on the ruins of Denver. This, of course, after some inspirational wandering through the ruins of the U.S. Capitol and the National Archives. "We used to be a great people," declares Tyler to his buddies, who pound their chests at odd times and sporadically emit Tarzanian war cries.
The movie features your more-or-less standard sci-fi plot, based on L. Ron Hubbard's best-selling novel. But you can't blame Scientology for this mess. This is a Hollywood disaster. The future sucks, technology has betrayed us yet again, some species of alien/machine has taken over the earth, a few noble souls try to fight back. (Boy, did The Matrix do it better.)
I can't add anything original to the richly-deserved avalanche of abuse this movie has generated.
So herewith a Battlefield Earth contest: we'll be happy to give one copy of O'Reilly's newly-published The Whole Internet: The Next Generation, a new edition of one of the first and best user's guide to the Net, to the first person who sincerely and convincingly offers something good about this movie.
The O'Reilly book is, in fact, a lot more worthwhile. It's good to read, to give to friends and family members, or to keep as a security device to whack intruders on the head. Your own tirades about Battlefield Earth are, of course, also welcome.
10 good things about Battlefield Earth (Score:4)
I have a good thing to say about it... (Score:4)
the book was good... (Score:3)
Here's a question, Jon... (Score:5)
MST3K fodder? (Score:5)
One good thing... (Score:4)
-Spazimodo
Fsck the millennium, we want it now.
It's 2 hours of good air conditioning (Score:4)
Averye0
Two positives here! (Score:5)
Best movie EVER!!!! (Score:5)
--Shoeboy
(former microserf)
Good (Score:3)
Please remit said prize to:
It could have been worse ... (Score:4)
Or at least that's what devout follower John Travolta assures us. Sure, there were no DIRECT references ... anyone want to play that movie back frame by frame? Of course you don't ... the subliminal messages told you not to ...
You know what to do with the HELLO.
Re:Hello Jon!!! (Score:5)
And he's offering a 'small, but useful prize' for anyone who can scrape up something positive to say about it?
Oh God! It's all so clear(tm) now! He's a Scientologist!
Power up them Tesla coils, geeks. Maybe we can overload his e-meter!
I liked Battlefield Earth! (Score:5)
Well, turns out the movie sucked so bad that we were ready to leave about halfway through. The only problem was that we didn't have a ride
Across the street from the theater was one of those fleabag motels
So the bottom line is, Battlefield Earth was responsible for a very interesting afternoon. So I would like to thank you, Elron Hubbard! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You might be a freak, Elron, and your Scientology cult might be a complete sham, but at least your piece-of-crap movie got me laid real good and proper-like!
Thank you, Elron! Thank you!
TOP X Reasons why Battlefield Earth was AWESOME! (Score:5)
2) It wasn't longer.
3) It proved that John Travolta can, in fact, be made uglier through use of extensive makeup.
4) Parents can say, "Don't misbehave, Johnny, or I'll get you casted in the sequel!" to discipline children.
5) It TOTALLY disregards the second half of the book, and who wants to watch the part without totally improbable odds of beating an alien race thousands of times more advanced than our own anyway?
6) It's giving Britney Spears and Bill Gates some needed competition in the "Worst Thing Ever To Happen, Ever" category.
Errrr.... (Score:5)
hmmm... (Score:4)
Not as rare as you would think, take this one, [imdb.com] for example.
The best thing I can say about the movie is that it will likely spell the end of Hollywood's love affair with Scientology. Terms like "amoral", "crackpot", and "scam", don't bother Hollywood types in the least when defending their philosophies; to be picked on is a badge of honor to them, or free publicity anyway.
However, Battlefield Earth has now associated Scientology with the term "box-office poison".
You can almost hear the mailing list cancellations being written.
Things I learned from Battlefield Earth (Spoilers) (Score:5)
1. Paper and other wood products can survive a thousand years and still be readable.
2.It only takes seven days to become proficient at flying Harrier jets by flying a simulator. Also, the simulator teaches dogfighting.
3. Harrier Flight Simulators have their own internal source of power that lasts longer than a thousand years.
4. Alien races obsessed with gold will overlook our nation's biggest collection of it when they invade. (And probably the rest of the world too)
5. Aliens powerful enough to conquer the universe will be unable to tell the difference between dogs and people.
6. Harrier jets can not only hover and zip around like helicopters, they have some sort of stealth mode too.
7. The sole purpose of women is to be captured and used as a bargining chip by the alien overlords. The Lesson: don't get attached to anyone if you're going to take them on.
8. Radiation from uranium deep underground causes their gas to react badly, but a nuclear bomb doesn't cause the gas to react until detonated in a clever climax scene, giving the martyr a chance to wipe some tears from his eyes and do other crappy dramatic things.
9. Alien women have extremely long and sexy tongues. Yowza!
10. John Travolta looks stupid in giant clogs.
11. People in the future are more convincing cavemen than the people in Flintstones Las Vegas.
12. UGH UGHH UGHHH! UGHHHHHH! (Translation: Me speak good english sometimes, use animal grunts when theatrically useful).
13. It doesn't take a creativity or talent to make a box-office success in Hollywood. It takes marketing, and lots of it.
I could go on and on and on. This was the most horrible movie I have ever seen, plot hole wise. As a friend said, this movie had plot holes that you could learn to fly a harrier jet in under seven days through!
-JeremyT
http://tughouse.tuginternet.com
Something Positive (Score:5)
Hey, you asked
Finkployd
The lighting was top-notch! (Score:5)
Unfortunately, the lighting director's wonderful work is easily lost by the incompetent camera operators (how many out-of focus scenes can -you- find?) Poor cinematography, third rate makeup and special effects, and a grating, distracting and incongruous soundtrack. Bad, bad, bad directing means that the only redeeming value of the movie was lost utterly in an avalanch of suck.
SoupIsGood Food
One kudo you missed.. (Score:5)
In today's age of computer graphics, some really amazing special effect lineups are possible. Everything from massive heart-pounding battle scenes to heart-renching impossible vistas. BE worked towards this, not really leading the way, but still doing a respectable job.
The one thing I was impressed by, though, at the end of the movie was their achievement tackling a problem still difficult because of its very plausableness (sp?
What was it?
The size difference between the Psychlos and the humans. Not once -
The director and technical staff achieved this through a pretty elegant set of means, not the least of which was very clever camera work. They achieved this one goal masterfully.
There you go. Top that.
--Tiger
even better (Score:3)
The Best Thing About Battlefield Earth (Score:4)
I have not seen the film, nor read the book, nor will I ever. I revile the "church" of $cientology in all its forms, and will do absolutely nothing to help it in any way. The only thing I can say about the film that is in any way positive is that because it is such a bad film (by all reports), I can only hope that the producers of the film fail to make enough money to justify any further attempts by the Co$ to try to profit from L. Ron Hubbard's books by turning them into films.
Note: I am completely tolerant where freedom of religion is concerned, being of a minority and often persecuted religion myself (Wicca), but I do not include $cientology in the category of religion but rather in the same category as confidence tricks and scams. It is the greatest perversion of the freedom of religion that the scam artists of the Church of $cientology can get away with their bilking of the guillible and hide behind the guise of being a Religion.
Thier is one good thing about this movie. (Score:3)
I want that book!
I went out with my g/f and this was the only thing playing. she into this kind movie and so am I. At the time I thought I might be like indepentence day. I didn't read the book.
Sitting in the dark theater for about ten mineuts into this my g/f turned her head to me and said "This really sucks" Then she leans her head closer to mine, then next thing I know Earth is free from the krull and I got lucky
If anything that in mind I remember battlefield earth with the foundest memory.
Good job! (Score:5)
Battlefield Earth can, without any reservations whatsoever, be called a motion picture. Everyone involved, from the screenwriter to the technical crews and actors, set out to make a motion picture, and that's exactly what they did. Here are just a few things they accomplished:
1) Battlefield Earth is distributed as a series of individual frames on long, translucent strips of celluloid which, with an arrangement of lenses and shutters, can be projected in rapid sequence on a large screen. Through a characteristic of human visual perception called "persistence of vision," this creates an illusion of motion.
2) Thanks to a blend of audio and visual technologies, Battlefield Earth synchronizes recorded sound with projected images, enabling a real sensory one-two punch!
3) Battlefield Earth employs a visual language involving a series of individual shots which are edited in a particular sequence to create a narrative.
4) Battlefield Earth was filmed with a variety of equipment which, with proper maintenance, can actually be reused for future motion picture productions! Such equipment includes cameras, microphones, editing stations, clappers, and large men with tool belts.
Yes, this project was shepherded through its various stages of production and assembled finally into a completed film. This is undeniable. I say to you, Battlefield Earth: MOTION PICTURE!
A question... (Score:3)
Now who makes who his bitch?.....
Something good about Battlefield Earth (Score:5)
By providing something easily trashable, it allowed hundreds of reviewers to write hundreds of mild-to-very amusing reviews trashing it.
I have personally spent probably a total of twenty minutes being entertained by reviewers topping each other at amusing anecdotes of the filmatic crapulence of this film. And I didn't even have to spend a dime! Multiply that by the millions who encountered reviews and you get something that entertained many more than would have a merely mediocre film.
Re:Eh? What's this? Rabblerousing? (Score:4)
> Scientology is not a religion, It is a business. (some would say mafia like business)
Hey, stop insulting the Mafia!
Sure, both the mob and the Co$ use violence and coercion to further their own ends, but at least the Mafia provides a range of valuable consumer services: recreational pharmaceuticals, sexual pleasure, gambling, and so on. Hangin' out at a mob-run outfit - or even just delivering pizza for the mob - can be fun. Didn'tcha ever read Snow Crash?
Last time I checked, the only recreational activity offered by the Co$ was talking to ashtrays, and the guests at a Co$ hotel's "spa" either received overdoses of Niacin in the sauna, or died of pulmonary embolisms brought on by dehydration and bed rest, and were nibbled on by cockroaches before their bodies were hauled off to the fifth-nearest hospital (but the nearest one with a Co$-appointed doctor!) for "emergency" treatment.
Mafia, Inc. (tm) provides the customer with a much higher level of satisfaction than Co$ ever did. :-)