I can easily carry it in my satchel
You're not fooling anyone. It's a purse.
You think you have it bad? I live in Australia. Every page redirects to www.australia.gov.au/propaganda
You think you have it bad? I don't even have the internets, you insensitive clod!
In a consumer society there are inevitably two kinds of slaves: the prisoners of addiction and the prisoners of envy.