This would've been much more interesting if you would've posted it as CmdrTaco.

Unlike everyone who flooded money into underwater stock options and technology stocks, my friends and I invested heavily into the college funds of exotic dancers (sure you're just doing this to pay for college...) and the children of many of the bartenders in our town. At the end of the day, I have about the same to show for it as the people who lost the proverbial farm as their 401k's went on a roller coaster ride from hell, but had one hell of a time getting there!

Case in point. The only thing more powerful than the Wave Motion Cannon is the Wave Motion Engine.

There are no technical solutions to a social problems.