sm62704's Journal: Blinded by the light

Just an old friend coming over now to visit you and
That's what I've become
I let myself in though I know I'm not supposed to but
I never know when I'm done

-Third Eye Blind, "Blinded (When I see you)"

Linda has been out of prison for a month now. She'd spent sixty days at Dwight Correctional Center on drug charges, a first offense. Linda is not only nonviolent, she's one of the kindest people I know. She hasn't smoked a joint since she got out of the joint, and seems to not want to.

I needed a driver yesterday, because I had an appointment with my retina specialist, Dr. Odin, to look at the eye that went blind a couple of weeks ago. The doctor needs the eye to be dialated, and you can't drive like that. As Linda doesn't have a license I'd asked Tami to drive me.

The day after I saw the black snow snake I couldn't see out of my left eye at all, but the vision has been slowly returning. The eye had bled into the vitreous, and blood is pretty opaque. But Dr. Odin explained that like a bruise, the blood gets back into the vessels where it belongs. In the last couple of weeks the sight has been slowly returning.

I left work and picked Tami up to go to the doctor. Unlike any other medical center, the folks at The Prairie Eye Center know how to tell time and they get you right in. The nurse checked my vision with an eye chart, and it's back to 20/30, although I still can't read a book with it. She put the drops in the eye and touched it with the probe to check its pressure.

Some people I know would cringe at the thought of that, but it's painless. I waited for a half hour or so while the pupil dialated, and I must have looked like a real goon with one eye normal and one eye looking like a cocker spaniel's.

The actual visit with Dr. Odin was short. He'd taken an ultrasound the last time, and looked in with his bright light and lenses. The retina was ok and I have to go back in two weeks for another visit.

We left, and went to my house to get some documents to fax to my mortgage company. I'm trying to keep from losing my house.

Yep, I've been doing really shittty lately. The bible says that if you consort with whores you'll lose your money, and it appears that things haven't changed a bit in the last few thousand years. And I helped too many people out, loaning money that I couldn't afford, then when it wasn't paid back stupidly borrowing it from the high interest thieves they call "payday loans". My credit is in the toilet. I'm a fucking moron.

No, strike the "fucking" part because I haven't been laid in like forever.

I have a bad case of the blues. If you've been wondering why it's been so long since my last journal, well, that's why. It's hard to be amusing when you're deeply depressed, and lately I'd make Marvin, the robot with the "genuine people personality", look cheerful.

I got even more depressed when I couln't find the one document that I really really needed for a chance at refinancing and keeping my home. My credit isn't the only thing in the toilet, it's there with my luck, swirling down with the rest of my life. I feel cursed.

As I was looking through my badly "filed" documents, Tami came in from the kitchen and said the doorbell was ringing. She opened the door, and the one person out of the six billion in the world she least wanted to see stood there.

Lance.

They stared at each other for a second, and if looks could kill Lance would have never made it inside. "Come in", I said, and Tami went in the kitchen frowning.

"I thought you were in jail?" I said, puzzled.

"I got out today, I only had to serve fifteen days." Linda gets two months in a hellhole state prison for smoking pot, and Lance gets fifteen days in the county jail for breaking into a house and trying to kill a man. "There's an order of protection against me for the next six months. Want to smoke a joint?"

"I'd like to", I said, "but I have to get these documents faxed to the mortgage company." He left me enough weed for a joint, and took off on his bicycle, to Tami's great relief.

What a wonderful country I live in.

With a boulder on my shoulder, feelin' kinda older,
I tripped the merry-go-round
With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin,
the calliope crashed to the ground

-Bruce Springsteen

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[account_deleted]

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[sm62704]

I can't file bankrupcy for another 3 years, I filed after my divorce. I don't question my worth as a human being, I'm just having a rough time right now. I feel really stupid though. I'll get over it.

The state is Illinois, Linda was in Dwight Correctional Center, reportedly a maximum security women's prison. Lance had pled guilty to "unauthorized entry of a residence" which must be a misdemeanor since he only got fifteen days.

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[sm62704]

It used to be solidly Republican, except in Chicago. George Ryan pretty much turned everyone into a Democrat; in the last Presidential election Bush lost by a landslide with about 30% of the vote.

Even though both Senators are Democrats, in the state legislature it's not so uneven. But things are looking up even there; a Medical marijuana bill passed the house and may pass the Senate where the last one (last year) it couldn't even get out of committee. Meanwhile they outlawed smoking cigarettes in bars, caus

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[neomunk]

Hey, if you're bored one day and really looking for a way to ease up your credit score, send letters to the big 3 credit companies asking for your reports. After you get the reports, send them letters saying something like 'I'm disputing this credit loss.', giving them all the details they give you in the listing. You'll find that some of the items (even if real debts) disappear from your credit report.

Here's the neat part, just keep doing it over and over. Pretty soon, those companies are going to get l

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[neomunk]

Wow, thanks.

See, that's why I love the internet; you come up with a half-assed but workable plan and someone casually comes along and optimizes it for you.

Or trolls you for it... Glad YOU came along.

Thanks again.

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[sm62704]

Thank you1 I, too, would like to see me write about a winning streak. It's coming I'm sure, you can't lose them all.