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Journal sillypixie's Journal: Stampede Time! 29

Journal by sillypixie

We are in the middle of the Calgary Stampede, the greatest outdoor show on earth. It is the biggest prize in Rodeo, a $1,000,000 pot. Cowboys & Indians, Roller Coasters, and those addictive little mini-donuts that you can only get on the midway, that's the Calgary Stampede!

Or at least, that's what it is for the tourists. Here's what the Stampede means for the locals:

  • Technically you're working & getting paid, but you don't have to do anything Nobody gets any work done during the stampede, for the reasons listed below.
  • No matter how strict the dress code, you can wear jeans for the week
  • You can be passed out by 2pm Beer Gardens spring up on every street downtown, there are country & western bands playing all over, and they all start serving champagne & OJ at 8am.
  • If you work in the Oil & Gas industry, you drink for free! All of the service companies in oil & gas use Stampede as a way to suck up to their clients. The hard part is not getting invited to parties, the hard part is being invited to the coolest parties.
  • Breakfast is free too if you want to wait in line for it, that is. Hundreds of free pancake breakfasts are hosted all over the city, you just have to hear about them & show up. Personally I'd rather pay for something a bit more appetizing, but apparently most of the rest of the population of Calgary disagrees.
  • The locals get to make fun of the tourists watching them wander around in their wranglers with the tags still hanging off, and the white 10-gallon hats is always entertaining
  • The real cowboys/girls get to make fun of the locals watching Calgarians pretend to be cowboys for a week is even more entertaining than watching tourists. The women all do these whacked things with fringes & beads that no self-respecting ranch chick would ever dream of...

So, being a city girl in a town seized by the country for a week, here's my personal guide to having fun without looking like too much of a dork:

1. Denim is mandatory. Black works, blue works, that's it.
2. No baggy jeans, no designer jeans. Boot cut is also necessary. Shirts are tucked in. No holes. Boys: the jeans don't have to be super-tight, but you have to actually be able to see your ass. Anything that droops over is too loose. Girls: you should be pouring yourself into your jeans (stopping short of camel-lip *edit- changed from my original: camel-tooth* though, ew). Your jeans should be form-fitting, smooth, and should show everything off.
3. Belt buckle is not mandatory, but it is usually a deciding factor between a tourist & a local. If it is at least 3" long and 2" tall, and is obviously a well-loved, well-worn object, that's the difference between a local & a real cowboy/girl. Hand-tooled leather also is a differentiator.
4. Boots are mandatory, but they don't have to be cowboy boots. No sandals, running shoes, or loafers. Ropers are always duly noted by those watching. If you do wear cowboy boots, make sure they don't look new. Spit on 'em , run 'em over with the car, take a grinder to the heels. Wood peg construction is the sign of a connoisseur. Ropers will also score you points.
5. Upper body - as far as I'm concerned the simpler the better. The more fringes & tassles & suede, the less believable you are. Bolo ties are out, unless you are over 60. For guys, any kind of button-down shirt would suffice. Checks are very popular, of course. For women - well, most women are too busy taking artistic license with the cowboy/indian paradigm, so whatever. But I get very good results with a tank top & checked and/or patsy cline-esqe tailored shirt overtop. Also, skirts and cowboy boots look stupid, and unless you're planning to square dance, they aren't exactly a common combination out on the ranch either.

So that's the look -- there is just one more requirement, if you are to get any booty at the Stampede -- you have to two-step. If you can't two-step, you can't get any. This in fact, is generally the easiest way for a girl to tell if the guy hitting on her is for real or not. Only years of practise can generate a truly confident two-stepper.

Mmm.. oh now I'm getting all distracted -- where was I...

Right. Oh, line dances have their uses as well - although I personally think of them as the sole proprietary property of the cougars in the crowd...

Well, I'm all poured into my tight jeans, and I'm ready to party at the Sun Microsystems shindig ... Yahoo!!

Cheers,

Pixie

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Stampede Time!

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  • I've been to Calgary just before Stampede, I think. You people scare me. :) Old people in western gear. Shudder.

    Also:
    (stopping short of camel-tooth though, ew).

    Camel tooth? Yeah, I don't want to see that either.... :)
  • But I'm staying the hell away from you hicks. :)

    I've been in Calgary during Stampede time during a critical project and no one was getting any work done at a major milestone because they were all duded up, drinking, and generally not working. It's like all Calgarians lose their minds during July.

    Yeah, I'm a party pooper, but I'm just not a cowboy kinda guy. Sorry bout that.

    I do like your tight jeans guidelines for women though!!! >:)
  • I went to the Stampede many, many years ago (1983) whhen I was a young lad of 12. No boozing (little did I know!) but tons of fun.
  • I believe I'll just be sick with envy. Have always wanted to be there for the Stampede. :)

    (Just saw your sidebar about Darwin and the daemons. Does anybody but me remember the proposed JESUX o/s? I know they supposedly did away with all sorts of pagan/atheist UNIX stuff. Never could figure out if somebody was actually trying to do it or if it was a joke.)

    I hope you have a great time this week!!

    Anne
    • It was a joke. If someone was really serious about it they wouldn't change the last three letters of His name to "SUX" :-)
      • You're probably right. I went to the website cited in SP's side bar and was amazed. Wonder what kind of server he's on; perhaps Microsoft is more godly. The Web is an amazing place; people who used to holler on street corners and bombard newspaper editors now have their own ready-made bully pulpits.

        I suppose if Unix is bad with its "daemons" and little devil logos, he must also oppose Underwood Deviled ham, deviled eggs, deviled crabs, Red Devil rust remover, and perhaps Diablo printers. We could re-name t
        • Fortune cookies! An obvious reference to mysticism and other ungodly behaviour! You are a supporter of the forces of darkness, admit it!

          There is a link somewhere in that page to another website that exposes Lucent for their obviously satanic (Lucent - Lucifer) connections. That one is also entertaining.

          My favorite is the idea that pagans are bad spellers, that makes me chuckle every time I think of it....

          I bet it would drive them nuts to know just how entertaining we find it all (-:

          Pixie
  • So we throw a good party do we? :-)
    • Oho, a Sun employee, whaddaya know? ... yep it was a great party. Surprise surprise, mostly guys there - but luckily there was a little cluster of well-formed 20-somethings in tube tops & nice tight jeans, and they had squirt guns, they kept the crowd entertained (it was very hot out on the patio, so nobody minded - oh wait, never mind, it could have been arctic, and the boys would have lined up). Anyways, everyone had a great time. The local Sun ISO has just dissolved, and so there were a number of
      • Support Services, RSSE (not sure if they have RSSE's in Canada, the different geographies have some interesting differences). Specialty is Sun Cluster, with some kernel and SunOne/iPlanet/whatever marketing wants to call it this week experience.
        • Dude, you don't want to get me started on the disaster area that is Sun software brand recognition (or lack thereof). Take Sun Java Systems. Three words, all of which taken separately have a MILLION meanings, and which taken together mean nothing either because nobody has ever heard of it. Then you take away whatever semantic meaning the word java may have, by applying it to products not even written in that language...

          Those people should all lose their jobs. Immediately. At least SunOne was google-ab
          • Nope, field office in Chicagoland. Yah, I couldn't agree more about marketing. If I wasn't easily traceable to this account (elmegil) I could tell stories about marketing/engineering debates internally that would just amaze people. Or maybe not, since altogether too many of those things end up getting out the door as it is.

            And don't get me started on the "internal marketing" materials--stupid swag that gets posted on the walls or given out that spends money that we shouldn't be spending...I mean, dammit,

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