Mitt quickly took the stage with a ferocious six-step that transformed into a full flare which rocked the debate audience, shouting "Oh shit" egging Romney into yet more extreme power moves. But Romney's forehead overbalanced it and Barack quickly took control of the stage, grabbing the mic and delivering a scathing burst of rhetoric about how "bitches ain't nothin' but tricks and hoes."

Under intense pressure to deliver, and still reeling from his misstep earlier, Romney fumbled again when the passed the mic, tripping on some whack shit about "hip-hop and you don't stop" from like fucking 1980. Obama wasted no time grabbin' the mic, talking mad shit about Romney and his crew:

"Yo, Ryan's a little bitch! I think he be a snitch. I leave that nigger dead and stinkin', face down in a ditch", Barack spat to the cries of the cheering crowd.

Romney, unable to fuck with him lyrically, headed up the tables where he began to switch up the beat to some wicked fast dirty south shit, hoping to trip Barack up. But Obama came with it, dropping blistering bombs iller than the quran. "Yo fuck Iraq. Those niggers is white. I gonna take their oil and bitches and get my paper stacked. Yo fuck Iran. And fuck your faggot drama. Bitch, you only building nukes because I fuck yo baby mama"

Then Biden rolled up to the joint on spinners with a fat trunk of North Cackalacka dank.

Of course the water they served at the debate was spiked -- this goes without saying. It was spiked with large amounts of the drug and my urine. Similarly, as they entered the debating auditorium, everyone was misted with a fine spray of mescaline for absorption through the exposed mucus membranes and eyes. However, this is simply not enough to ensure an ideal debating environment as it takes some time for even fatal doses of psychedelic agents to take effect.

I had planned to stall matters for some time by strapping explosives to my chest and running up to the podium to Jihad these infidels all the way to Allah's feet; however, a fortunate occurrence rendered this unnecessary. Prior to the Presidential Debate, a Romney campaign limousine came up the drive-through at the Chik-Fil-A where I am temporarily employed until my DJing career gets off the ground and Mitt Romney himself instructed me via radio to "round him up some viddles."

I wasted no time deep-frying up some feces to adulterate his mondo-sized Dr. Pepper. I then injected his chicken with a fierce payload of LSD, mescaline, and DMT.

With little more than hour before the Presidential Debate, I decided to take my girlfriend to the abortion clinic to celebrate my good fortune. In unbelievable stroke of luck, I noticed President Obama's gold-plated Cadillac Escalade outside bumping the latest 50 Cent chart-topper. It seems his largely fuelled by the unborn and gains the majority of his debating power from unholy sacrifice to Lucifer.

I entered the clinic through the service entrance and rendered the lab technicians temporarily dead with my service pistol. I then rounded up some aborted foetuses and wasted no time injecting them with LSD. President Obama took the paper sack of foetuses and tipped me with the skull of a Cambodian child which I -- to this day -- keep my pencils in.

Incredible, I had been able to dose both candidates so that they would peak just as the debate began.

FTFY.

Mitt quickly took the stage with a ferocious six-step that transformed into a full flare which rocked the debate audience, shouting "Oh shit" egging Romney into yet more extreme power moves. But Romney's forehead overbalanced it and Barack quickly took control of the stage, grabbing the mic and delivering a scathing burst of rhetoric about how "bitches ain't nothin' but tricks and hoes."

Under intense pressure to deliver, and still reeling from his misstep earlier, Romney fumbled again when the passed the mic, tripping on some whack shit about "hip-hop and you don't stop" from like fucking 1980. Obama wasted no time grabbin' the mic, talking mad shit about Romney and his crew.

"Yo, Ryan's a little bitch! I think he be a snitch. I leave that nigger dead and stinkin', face down in a ditch", Barack spat to the cries of the cheering crowd.

Romney, unable to fuck with him lyrically, headed up the tables where he began to switch up the beat to some wicked fast dirty south shit, hoping to trip Barack up. But Obama came with it, dropping blistering bombs iller than the quran. "Yo fuck Iraq. Those niggers is white. I gonna take their oil and bitches and get my paper stacked. Yo fuck Iran. And fuck your faggot drama. Bitch, you only building nukes because I fuck yo baby mama"

Then Biden rolled up to the joint on spinners with a fat trunk of North Cackalacka dank.