Comment Re:Holy grail of programming languages (Score 5, Funny) 598
Assembly Coders - these are extinct group of primitive form of life
before the advent of culture and civilisation, althought without access
to any formal human-recognizable language structure they were amazingly
versatile in their skills to construct reality by pushing and popping strings of
little pebbles from holes dug in the ground. Ancient arcade machines
sometimes found in desolate pubs testify to their once glorious existance.
C - C Programmers are more like highly evolved alien beings from outer space
who spoke purely in binary and pointers. They often take the disguise as
unsightly middle aged man with beard and glasses amongst earthlings.
They do not care for the artifacts of language or culture, they only care
for the semantics. Their job is to construct and engineer the roads,
the transportation, the network lines, the infrasture that our civilazation
have come to depend very much on. They are very hard to communicate with as
intepreting their language requires unusually greater IQ than most of
our earthlings can aspire to.
C++ - C++ Programmers are born again C programmers who realised their
folly of seeing the world in pure binary and pointers. They want to see
reality more concretely thus they talk in objects and classes.
More often than not, C++ Programmers are still attached to their
old ways and their attempts to communicate with others often result
in abstrated hodgepodge just as complicated as the C
language. Most C++ Programmers feel they may have had a
deprived childhood.
Java - Java Programmers are like C++ programmers except they were
brought up in aristrocat families. Their manners in their language
are refined and elegant althought at times may appear slightly
pretentious and artificial. They are very socially closed and
mix with their own kind only, basically they dont like outsiders
playing in their upper-middle class private school sandbox.
Being economically previliged means they have ample access to inheritance
like network libraries, etc. Although their reputation is good amongst
corporate circles, they are rumoured to be impotent when it comes to GUI.
Visual Basic - Visual Basic programmers are perceived to be like your
every day a dime a dozen computer science graduates. They
are naive, confident and sometimes a little brash in their perceived
ability to deal with the real world. Their language developed from high school
jargons and street slang though highly vulgar in the eyes of other programmers,
were often effective (or adequate) in solving a lot of every day
ordinary kitchen and sink problems. Often the case, a job completed
by a Visual Basic programmer, thought cheap and fast leaves little to be desired,
tales of half patched pipes leaking from under kitchen sink are
well known in the industry.
C# - C# Programmers are Java programmers wannabes wanting to achieve the same
social status and previledge that Java programmers have, C# programmers
lacks the authentic social grace and ethics that could help them rise above the
Visual Basic suburbia coarse mentality that tends to predominate them. C# Programmers
also tends to like screen widgets that are glitzy. They are the type of people
that the marketing department love to target in their product focus group.
COBOL - Cobol Programmers are not really people, they were actually mutated
from hole-punch card readers. they have no human affectations
and thus are very capable of churning out millions of incredibly mundane and
humanly degrading pages and pages of printed accounts reconciliation codes.
although they were disbanded by the human rights organisation, Cobol
programmers were actively recruited just before the millineum to solve the Y2k bug
which they were originally responsible for.
Fabled Programmers - the are many species of programmers that claim
to exist but no one have ever met any of these illusive creatures in real life,
althought they appear to be very vocal in obscure scientific journals.
programmers who go under the label of 'FORTH', 'OCAML', 'Lisp',
'Eiffel', 'ADA', 'Modula-2' are amongst the most commonly heard fabled programmers.
The New Generation - the New Generation are a renegade group of programmers of various
culture and descend. although subversive to the traditional codes, the new generation
owe their competency and agility to their heritage developed from the fabled programmers.
the new generation are confident and feel rightly justified
due to their years of experience and abuse from working
under the oppressive regimes of all the other programmers. their alignment
with the open source movement shows their idealistic pursuit for freedom and self
determination. Python, PHP, Perl, Ruby, Rebol, LUA, D, Groovy are the
most commonly used languages amongst the New Generation.
Perl - Perl programmers represent a good example of the possible dangers of falling
into one of the new generation renegade groups. Perl programmers suffer the dellusional belief
that the Perl language is a real programming language. programs that are written
in perl (developed from layers of very complicated command line options encrypted
in regular expressions) often look like the work of a very mad
person, which enforces the common perception that all perl programmers
are mad or cult members. Perl programmers also have plenty of ardent believers
in the second coming.
before the advent of culture and civilisation, althought without access
to any formal human-recognizable language structure they were amazingly
versatile in their skills to construct reality by pushing and popping strings of
little pebbles from holes dug in the ground. Ancient arcade machines
sometimes found in desolate pubs testify to their once glorious existance.
C - C Programmers are more like highly evolved alien beings from outer space
who spoke purely in binary and pointers. They often take the disguise as
unsightly middle aged man with beard and glasses amongst earthlings.
They do not care for the artifacts of language or culture, they only care
for the semantics. Their job is to construct and engineer the roads,
the transportation, the network lines, the infrasture that our civilazation
have come to depend very much on. They are very hard to communicate with as
intepreting their language requires unusually greater IQ than most of
our earthlings can aspire to.
C++ - C++ Programmers are born again C programmers who realised their
folly of seeing the world in pure binary and pointers. They want to see
reality more concretely thus they talk in objects and classes.
More often than not, C++ Programmers are still attached to their
old ways and their attempts to communicate with others often result
in abstrated hodgepodge just as complicated as the C
language. Most C++ Programmers feel they may have had a
deprived childhood.
Java - Java Programmers are like C++ programmers except they were
brought up in aristrocat families. Their manners in their language
are refined and elegant althought at times may appear slightly
pretentious and artificial. They are very socially closed and
mix with their own kind only, basically they dont like outsiders
playing in their upper-middle class private school sandbox.
Being economically previliged means they have ample access to inheritance
like network libraries, etc. Although their reputation is good amongst
corporate circles, they are rumoured to be impotent when it comes to GUI.
Visual Basic - Visual Basic programmers are perceived to be like your
every day a dime a dozen computer science graduates. They
are naive, confident and sometimes a little brash in their perceived
ability to deal with the real world. Their language developed from high school
jargons and street slang though highly vulgar in the eyes of other programmers,
were often effective (or adequate) in solving a lot of every day
ordinary kitchen and sink problems. Often the case, a job completed
by a Visual Basic programmer, thought cheap and fast leaves little to be desired,
tales of half patched pipes leaking from under kitchen sink are
well known in the industry.
C# - C# Programmers are Java programmers wannabes wanting to achieve the same
social status and previledge that Java programmers have, C# programmers
lacks the authentic social grace and ethics that could help them rise above the
Visual Basic suburbia coarse mentality that tends to predominate them. C# Programmers
also tends to like screen widgets that are glitzy. They are the type of people
that the marketing department love to target in their product focus group.
COBOL - Cobol Programmers are not really people, they were actually mutated
from hole-punch card readers. they have no human affectations
and thus are very capable of churning out millions of incredibly mundane and
humanly degrading pages and pages of printed accounts reconciliation codes.
although they were disbanded by the human rights organisation, Cobol
programmers were actively recruited just before the millineum to solve the Y2k bug
which they were originally responsible for.
Fabled Programmers - the are many species of programmers that claim
to exist but no one have ever met any of these illusive creatures in real life,
althought they appear to be very vocal in obscure scientific journals.
programmers who go under the label of 'FORTH', 'OCAML', 'Lisp',
'Eiffel', 'ADA', 'Modula-2' are amongst the most commonly heard fabled programmers.
The New Generation - the New Generation are a renegade group of programmers of various
culture and descend. although subversive to the traditional codes, the new generation
owe their competency and agility to their heritage developed from the fabled programmers.
the new generation are confident and feel rightly justified
due to their years of experience and abuse from working
under the oppressive regimes of all the other programmers. their alignment
with the open source movement shows their idealistic pursuit for freedom and self
determination. Python, PHP, Perl, Ruby, Rebol, LUA, D, Groovy are the
most commonly used languages amongst the New Generation.
Perl - Perl programmers represent a good example of the possible dangers of falling
into one of the new generation renegade groups. Perl programmers suffer the dellusional belief
that the Perl language is a real programming language. programs that are written
in perl (developed from layers of very complicated command line options encrypted
in regular expressions) often look like the work of a very mad
person, which enforces the common perception that all perl programmers
are mad or cult members. Perl programmers also have plenty of ardent believers
in the second coming.
