"while eschewing the services of a cellphone provider" => obvious problem: You need a phone number from a cellphone provider. :)

It is scientifically proven that by drinking 1 liter of water each day, at year end we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria, normally found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of shit! However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting, which kills bacteria. Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk shit, than it is to drink water and be full of shit.