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Journal queenofthe1ring's Journal: Bad Mommy 11

Well, as per usual, I write a journal entry because I am currently upset and have no one to talk to. Husband is busy, and I don't feel as though I should really be calling my mom. And since I have no friends that will answer the phone when I call, I fall back on the good old slashdot journal.

I never really know what I should say when I write here. I'm always afraid that people who know me "in real life" will find this place. And I know that one person already knows of this place, although hopefully boredom has lead them away by now.

Went to the wedding of a highschool friend who hasn't been a friend since our own wedding. We basically went to show her that even though she screwed us over by agreeing to help out at our wedding and then deciding the day of not to show... I guess to show her we're better people than she is. Both of her parents made a point of saying how important it was to her that we came, and she almost sounded relieved when she said she was "really glad [we] could make it." I know it is petty, but I hope she lost sleep over it.

Their wedding was as fancy as ours was not. I'm glad that we got married 2 years apart. That helps to ease some of the embarrassment, but not the heartache and hard feelings. The one good thing that came of that entire fiasco (including the no-clothes-to-wear part) was that I got to reconnect with my Maid of Honor a bit. They say that time heals all wounds. The problem is that I like to pick the scabs.

Anyways, we took Puppy with us, since we were staying at my parents' house for the wedding and left her there while we went on a too short vacation. She's still there, even though we've been back a few days, and my parents aren't going to be bringing her back until Monday. Originally they wanted us to come back and get her, even though that would add 10 hours of drive time to our trip, but we talked them out of that.

I kind of wish that we did go back for her though. As much as I hate that dog sometimes, I miss her terribly. And I know that she is not doing well there, even though my mom keeps trying to make her emails sound positive. Puppy thinks that we abandoned her there. And a well-meaning neighbor is "dog whispering" her because she isn't very well trained for walking and meeting people yet. While I am grateful for the progress it sounds like she is making in those areas, all of these changes are really upsetting her, and she's developed 2 habits in the past few days that she did not have when we brought her there -- poop eating, and biting.

I feel absolutely terrible and like the worst "puppy-mama" in the world. Not only did I fail to train my dog well in the first place (despite my best efforts) but now I've left her some place she wasn't comfortable and caused her to develop stress related problems. I guess I'm going to have to start researching dog-friendly vacation spots and lodgings for next year, because I don't think I can do this to her again.

At least the barrier spray finally started working, considering our house wasn't over-run while we were gone, and the number of ants in the kitchen has been drastically reduced. Will probably end up getting some more to finish treating the outside of the house around the windows and probably will do the shed too. I'd like to get this done before Puppy gets home, since this stuff isn't good for pets while it's still wet, but we'll see if I am able.

Right now husband and one of his work buddies are attempting to fix our piece-of-shit pool. I'd much rather it was just gone as I do not think it is salvageable. Whatever. His pool. His house. His time. His money.

I feel like I haven't gotten to relax since before Easter. Since my parents will be staying a week when they bring Puppy back so that my dad can do some work, I have at least one more full week before I can relax again. And husband just sprung surprise dinner plans with one of his cousins on me for tonight, so I won't even get a respite today once I finish all my chores. I suppose that I could have just said no, but I think the stress of spousal fall-out would be greater than the stress of spending a couple hours with a complete stranger talking about how much I fail at life.

This is starting to sound like the old queen again. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to cancel my doctors appointment with Specialist 2 for Tuesday, but I wasn't really sure how that would work out with my parents being in town. But I may end up having to bite the bullet and just ditch out while they are here and hope that the awkwardness will not ruin the rest of the week.

I don't know why I am posting this. And such a downer on a "holiday weekend." I guess I am just lonely right now. Well, I guess I better go and try to figure out why F-spot is fucking up right now so that I can finish archiving the vacaneymoon and zoo pictures.

This discussion was created by queenofthe1ring (768698) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Bad Mommy

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  • Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. :( If you need someone to vent at, note me over on dA, K?


    • This.

      And this "Whatever. His pool. His house. His time. His money." made me :^(

      • I guess I'm just frustrated that he and I have completely different priorities, and things to do with the house are a really big example of that. More frustrating is that we seem to have a complete inability to communicate with one another. I feel like I have way more responsibility for this house than I should.

    • Thanks for the offer. I may take you up on that sometime. Although it seems easier to publish something like this to the whole internet than write a personal note. Ironic. For someone that shy I'm awfully not shy.

  • Puppies are resilient, but they do require a lot of attention.

    What Some Woman said... Me, too. Definitely a cringe.

    Think about what your needs are - emotionally and otherwise. Then think about how you are going to make sure that they are met. And take good care of yourself. That's important.

    • Think about what your needs are - emotionally and otherwise. Then think about how you are going to make sure that they are met. And take good care of yourself. That's important.

      I wouldn't even know how to begin defining them. All I know is that something isn't working quite right. I kind of think it might just be me. How else could I have everything I ever wanted and still not be happy? Functioning has always had to be enough.

      Sorry, depressing reply. Bad queen. I survived the week, though, and al

      • Happiness does not come from getting what you want. Happiness comes from inside. It's something that can definitely be learned. Take joy in whatever you can. Be a kid again, and look at the world with wonder. It's staggeringly beautiful, if you just look.

        Functioning has always had to be enough... No, it's not enough. I believe that the foundation of what makes us human is our capacity for seeing beauty and taking joy in it. As a consequence of that, the crative impulse - exercised in small or large

  • It really is a far better thing to do the noble act and show up (pay your respects) to someone who slighted you. No matter how much anger the initial problem generated, proving that you can be more grown up than that is always a win.

    I expect puppy will get over it. One day at home in bounding fun, and all worries will have been forgotten. []

    • Aww, I

      Puppy pretty much went straight back to normal. No biting/poopy problems. She does follow us around the house more than usual, and gets super whiny when we start putting our shoes on, which is kind of annoying. Still, I'm really glad to have her home, and she is glad to be home too, I can tell. Going to try harder on her training now. She's enjoying having more structure.

      Also we got her a little wading pool yesterday because she needed a bath. She's having a great time in it.

      It was like

  • Wish I had profound insights and words of advice, but I'm pretty weak. Hope you and puppy are doing better. /:^(
    Let us know.
    • We survived. Puppy is pretty much back to normal now, except for minor panic attacks when we start putting shoes on to go someplace. She was like that when we first got her though, so I imagine she'll be able to calm down about us leaving again when she realizes we will come back. Poor thing. She does seem to be more loving/cuddly now. I'm glad to have her back.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.