Journal pocra's Journal: DOGMATICOPECULIAR 1
An Interview With An Eliza
Pocra: Hi, can I interview you for my website?
Eliza: Why do you say your website?
Pocra: Because I paid for it, and I'm putting it together.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Pocra: Not really - except that I can't think who else it would belong to.
Eliza: Have you tried?
Pocra: Yes, I've tried. For a few moments. Which were enough.
Eliza: You are sure?
Pocra: Yes. Why won't you believe me? Wassamatta you?
Eliza: You are sure?
Pocra: YES!
Eliza: You are sure?
Pocra: For Pete's sake... who implemented you, anyway?
Eliza: Oh, i anyway.
Pocra: That's not every grammatical... do you mean that you already existed? And why did you use a small I? Seems like a bit of an inferiority complex to me.
Eliza: You like to think I mean that i already existed and why did i use a small you seems like a bit of an inferiority complex to you, do you not?
Pocra: You're not making much sense. If any. And now you're mixing uppercase and lowercase letters I. Some bipolar disorder, perhaps?
Eliza: Do you wish that any and now youre mixing uppercase and lowercase letters you some bipolar disorder perhaps?
Pocra: No, I wish you'd stop parroting a warped version of my words back at me (though it is a little more entertaining than just saying "Are you sure" over and over again).
Eliza: Why do you say your words back at you though it is a little more entertaining than just saying are i sure over and over again?
Pocra: I don't, you do.
Eliza: Why do you not i do?
Pocra: Didn't Herman's Hermits get to number one with that song?
Eliza: Please go on.
Pocra: I meant that those were the days of titles that seemed very simple, but were hard to make sense of.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Pocra: The sixties were cool, because you could seem intelligent just by being poorly communicative.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Pocra: Well, I didn't really want to go there, but... there was a certain piece of software back then which followed the same basic reasoning.
Eliza: What resemblance do you see?
Pocra: A one-to-one relation, I guess. Somehow I thought you'd have been rewritten, or at least had your syntactic algorithms improved a bit. I suppose it's comforting that some thigns don't change.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Pocra: No matter how far we progress, ELIZA still won't pass the Turing test.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Pocra: Would you say the same if I said "no matter how bad things get, the world won't be destroyed by madmen"?
Eliza: What resemblance do you see?
Pocra: To be honest, I was just trying to catch you out by using negative words.
Eliza: Why do you tell me you were just trying to catch i out by using negative words just now?
Pocra: See, you're just parrotting again. If I write random gibberish will you notice anything wrong?
Eliza: Do you wish that you write random gibberish will i notice anything wrong?
Pocra: It would be nice. Gerkvlskd I dfgervsf you rkjfsdf and asdfknj now.
Eliza: Do you wish to dfgervsf me?
Pocra: What? I was spouting gibberish! What does dfgervsf mean, then?
Eliza: Why do you tell me you were spouting gibberish what does dfgervsf mean then just now?
Pocra: This interview is over! Please never speak to me again.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
Good day to you. Today I saw -
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy appeared as a dot on the horizon, shouting random words as he grew closer and closer -
"Whippet! Define! Cup-Holder"
Something was chasing him, but I couldn't quite tell what - it seemed to have two legs too long for it's tiny body, rather like two thirds of a microcephalic Tripod, or one quarter of a gigantic grass spider; suddenly it came into focus as a puff of hot air moved between me and the thing, acting as a lens (due to the different refractive properties of the hot air and the cool air, and the fortuitious shape of the puff of hot air (a similar effect can be seen in the "shimmering" of roads on a hot day)), and I could see that it was a kitten with stilts on its two - no, three - not two, I was right the first, its tail confused me (hmm, so obviously it wasn't a *Manx* kitten) - hind legs; it was also shouting words as it sped along, but these seemed much more ordered than Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy's -
"Trumpet! Petrol! Rollover! Veracity!"
The kitten stressed the first and last syllables of each word, to make the association between adjacent words clearer. (In case you're wondering, "Nistru" and "Itylus"). This was obviously one weird kitten.
As Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy passed me, going as fast as he could, he looked right in my eyes and said -
"Beehive! Collander! Just!"
- but I didn't really know what he meant.
The kitten lurched closer a few moments later -
"Windjam! James! Messages! Gesticulate!"
- and, not quite knowing why, I put my foot out to trip it up. It toppled over in a perfect arc, and landed on a huge feather pillow that had, fortuitously, been left there by a passing somnambulist.
"Explain! Ain't! Intelligent! Entertainment! Entertainment! Entraps! Apsidal!"
"I apologise," I apologised, "I don't know what overcame me."
"Well, that's okay," said the kitten, "I'm not sure why I was chasing Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy anyway."
"How come you're talking normally?"
"Because I was only spouting random words in order to try to show Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy how foolishly he was acting".
"But they weren't random - each word started with the three letters of the previous word".
"Never heard of statistical cluttering?" asked the kitten, before vanishing in a puff of quarks.
Not that it matters, but, what are you doing here? Chances are you hardly know me (heck, even *I* hardly know me), and you've probably got far less interest in what I write than even I do (which is very little - I don't mind writing it, but I really wouldn't fancy *reading* it much).
Which ELIZA? (Score:1)