You did catch the part where I agreed Clinton was analogous to a bullet, and that I thought both candidates were atrocious, didn't you? If you're thinking I was using a minefield metaphor to imply Trump was considerably worse, then no. A bullet and a minefield will both kill you, the latter merely makes the chances of an open casket funeral somewhat lower. I've frequently compared your recent election, slightly hyperbolically, to a choice between Hitler and Stalin. Yes, objectively Hitler is slightly worse, but that would've felt like a pretty academic distinction had you voted Stalin in. Quite honestly, I hope I'm wrong and that Trump won't completely screw up America, I'd like to see things go well for you guys. All of you guys, including the latinos, the female ones, the gay ones, the trans ones, and yes, of course, the white male ones too. Although given that your Oompa-Loompa-in-chief has a facepalm-worthy habit of taking credit for things that he actually played no part in, for example tweeting "@realdonaldtrump gets it done: 'China says it will return US drone it seized'" when the Chinese agreed to return the drone after pressure from... the Obama administration, or how he took credit for being tough and making Carrier change its mind about not shutting down its US factories and sending jobs to Mexico when in reality said "being tough" was Mike Pence (in his role as state governor) giving Carrier $7m in tax incentives and having Carrier agree to invest $16m in its facilities, resulting in Carrier... still shutting down one of the factories to relocate it to Mexico (meaning 1300 jobs lost), saving a grand total of 800 jobs from the other (if you think the number is 1100, well sweetheart, 300 of those jobs were never going to move whatever the outcome), many of which will be lost later since that money's going to be invested in automation, I wouldn't take good things happening - even if Trump takes the credit for them - as an indication that they're actually be anything to do with him.
And take heart, dear one, had Clinton won I'd be criticising her almost as much, or at least I would be if she had similar levels of buffoonery making her such an easy target instead of the more sensible obfuscation tactics shady corrupt politicians like herself use. Now, I realise that you've got some great zingers lined up for who you think your typical opponents will be... Clinton-lovers, liberals, whatever the hell an SJW is (I know what the acronym stands for but so far I haven't received much of a definition beyond "people standing up for the rights of minorities", which surely can't be all there is to it if there's so much hatred towards them?), etc, etc. I, however, am none of those things. I eschew political labels because conservatism, liberalism, libertarianism, communism, etc are all just as stupid as each other for the exact same reason: They cling to dogma. They cling to certain principles as being fundamental unshakeable truths. The only thing I cling to is empirical truth, the scientific method, and that we shouldn't be dicks to each other for no reason. Even then if by some magical occurrence I was presented with a rational, logical reason to reconsider those principles, I'd do so. I'm perfectly willing to be proven wrong if the facts go against me. And I'm not hoping the Trump presidency will destroy your country so I can have a good chortle from the sidelines and an "I told you so" sense of superiority, I worry that he will due to my perception of his general douchery and feel a great deal of compassion towards the American people, and I hope that I am wrong because, apart from being rebellious colonial scum who are traitors to the crown, you lovely Americans don't deserve that!
Now sweetie-pie, you got any backup zingers that apply to someone with my philosophy? Feel free to test them out, and I'll give you honest feedback about whether they're hurtful :) Although, ProTip for you: being antagonistic in a discussion might feel cathartic, but all it actually achieves is to entrench your opponent in their existing viewpoints. It's better to show empathy, compassion, and understanding to people, and to really try to listen to and consider their viewpoints, as then hopefully they'll do the same for you. See? Being nice to others even if they don't share your viewpoints, while an admiral goal in itself (and for me it's something I'd prefer to do just for its own sake, and strive towards, even though I fail sometimes) also has non-altruistic benefits! It's not just for hippy "love and peace" types like myself :D