i don't think that i will ever come to terms with the gripping reality that my life is, on the whole of things, utterly insignificant.

Well.

I keep on giving up. Every day and every night, I give up at some point. I feel like every day, I overcome one or two obstacles, when overcoming 5 or 6 would be a much more satisfactory pace.

I like to complain.

me: no wine for me tonight, I'm driving...
albert: not getting wasted tonight like that last time?
me: i keep telling you that i wasn't drunk that time.
kw: yes you were. how else do you explain the fact that you enjoyed yourself?

I told Rols I would give him the paper tomorrow. Why did I say that?? I'm finishing a double latte and I wanted a Jolt but the convenience store was closed so I just had an RC Cola from Top Dog. I hope it doesn't wear off too soon. I remember that during pre-frosh week (heehee!) I was in some freshman's dorm and one student was telling another, "...It doesn't matter, whatever happens, I'm gonna have to pull an all-nighter tonight." And I thought, "Dude, this girl does not plan ahead..." hahaha!

KJ was going to help me with some GPS stuff, but then he had to take his car to the police station, and then the server with the data on it was down. But I still gave him the cookies, meaning that now he MUST help me and I MUST not feel guilty. He asked "So you're a baker?" And then I laughed because once Singer and Stocko asked me that and I was thinking "cookies?" but they meant drugs. I'm so not with it.

Know what's Really Disturbing? When I get spam from a first name that I strongly associate to a certain person. So when I get a message about "Adult Porn Site!" from the name of [a girl who makes me jealous], I think, that skank! Or "Are your sexual fantasies fulfilled?" from name of [guy who designs the instrumentation for our experiments] - Ew! I am highly disturbed. I should probably put a spam filter on my dept account.

According to the book I just read, Mishima often abruptly ended friendships for one reason or another. If he got angry or annoyed by someone, say, for going bad (going back?) on a promise, or missing a deadline, he would act polite at the moment, but then the offending party would "never hear from him again". I often wish that I had the strength, guts, or will-power to do that to people, but then retrospectively, you should never dismiss someone who is genuinely nice to you. If it wasn't m

got pissed at matlab, played basketball, had jamba juice, finished Mishima biography, made oatmeal cookies with white chocolate chips, mango bars, german chocolate cake, 2 kinds of potato salad, deviled eggs, ate those and stuffed mushrooms, hamburger, chicken apple sausage, bratwurst, homemade heath bar crunch ice cream, homemade pickles, baked ravioli, brownies, tortellini, chicken wings (two kinds), strawberries, grapes, calabrese, broccoli, crossed strike lines on campus, used a magnetometer

Our 5th Anniversary reunion is this weekend, and honestly, all I can say after seeing the registration list is, who the hell are all of these people? 1600 in our class and i have no idea who these people are... And they don't know who I am either... But seriously, five years. It would be funny if I had put down in writing what I thought I would've accomplished in five years. Probably should've finished my Ph.D in four years, then become a prof and do whatever profs do with their lives. Oh well.

Today I got a Caesar Salad from the little man, and the shredded cheese had mold on it. So I didn't eat it. But I didn't tell him either. I will probably just never go back.

When I buy the variety pack of instant oatmeal, I never eat the "Regular Flavor". As a result, the poor, scorned, "Regular Flavor" packs sit there forever, unloved. Last night I made some oatmeal-chocolate-chip cookies to show the love. One batch uses about 5 packs of "Regular Flavor". If I made 2 more batches I should be rid of those scorned packs. I looooove finishing off things, I hate left-overs or food sitting around forever.

I went grocery shopping this morning, which is always a saddening affair, because every time I am done shopping, I look at my new groceries and there is nothing interesting to eat. Everything seems unappetizing at the grocery store. Or too much trouble to cook. Or isn't on sale. (haha) I made Moroccan Couscous to use up some couscous, onion, garlic, carrot, mushroom, raisins, lemon, curry powder, chicken broth.

I AM FREAKING PISSED OFF!!! (that was for vlee, though she does not read this. loopy says it is not my right to be pissed off. TOO BAD!)

I started listening to The Grey Album. [After watching Fade to Black - Jay-Z documentary at bossy's last weekend.] Brilliant? I like the Black Album. I like the White Album. I like the Grey Album.