The origin and function of adult sexual fantasy (Score 1)

There was some research a few years ago now in the UK. Big study - some tens of thousands of participants. Goal was to understand the origin and function of adult sexual fantasy. So, it's just research, not the word of God; but it's interesting - what the study found was that sexual fantasy in adults appears to be a coping mechanism for stress. The fantasy is a recapitulation, often modified, of an original trauma. Basically, when we are traumatized, we have trauma, and trauma has *expression*. It's like being shot. If you're shot, there's a hole, blood, bits of bone, etc. You can't *be* shot and not have that. Similarly, to *be* traumatized means you hurt, you're in pain, etc. It's there. The subconscious mind seems to hide traum from the conscious mind, presumably so we can continue to function. However, the expression of the trauma *will go somwhere*. It's like water pressure. If you have a mass of pipes and put water into them, it doesn't matter what you do with the pipes - block them, change them around, whatever. The water *will go somewhere*. In this case, what seems to be happening is that trauma defines the sexual fantasy. Almost all people fantasize, and there is almost always a *theme*, around which the fantasies revolve. The theme is the original trauma. The fantasy is a way of letting out, of expressing, the harm of the traum. Often the fantasy modifies the original traumatic event to make it more bearable - if someone was abused, they can become the abuser. Sexual fantasy is an extra-ordinary thing. Imagine we fantasize about something which doesn't work for us. Any response? no. Now think about what works for you. What do you see? a profound physiological response. It's incredible - heart rate up, arousal, the body itself becoming very different. This is remarkable. So we see something special is going on here. With regard to BDSM, it looks like with this the origin is a very deep down, very profound *anger*. Whether someone is dominant or submissive doesn't matter - the origin is the same in both cases. What this does mean is that there's no harm in such fantasy or play - it is a symptom only; and indeed, it is most likely a very good thing, since it lets people release the pressure of the trauma, which needs to be expressed, rather than letting it build up. Almost all people fantasize - 94%. Another 3% fantasize only about their own partner. Another 3% have no fantasy at all. I suspect these last few are the only sane, undamaged people amongst use. The rest of us fantasize about people other than our partner - and probably are doing this while engaging in sex with our partner. We in our society talk a lot about extra-marital affairs being wrong - but no one is talking about *intra-marital* affairs, where the married couple are both thinking about other people during sex with each other.