once again i haven't written in this journal for more than 3 mnths...grr

anyways. the usual is still the same.

sarah and i have been going out for a little more than a year.

we've had some interesting experiences together(expecially december 28th of '04)

and i still smoke.

holy hell...

this shit sucks...

im bored

snikt...

yeah, i pretty much don't write here much...hmm, dunno why...its a nice place to write your thoughts...oh well

currently sitting in OP systems class and were studying about MAC OSX and shit...whoop dee doo...i prefer to play with blender and smoke cigs.

well, started college classes again...the same ole boring stuff...

sarah and i have been going out for 8 mnths now ! (yes, thats right...its a record)

she's got a job now to(McDonalds) and so do i(sonic drive in) and between that and college im scared that we might not see each other much...but i'll make sure that we do...cause im not going to let a little thing like this get in our way...

well, yesterday, sarah and i were acting more like we used to, now i consider this a good thing, but really anything is good for me(ok, not ANYTHING..but...yeah)and i dunno, i just hope im not laying guilt trips on her and causing her to do things she doesn't wanna do. i know i try so hard to not do that, but sometimes i think its something i do without realizing it...it kinda sucks.

why can't i say, the things i need
why can't i just get over my greed
why can't we both be happy
why can't we both be free
why can't our lives have more choice
why do i feel, like i've lost my voice
why are the people telling us what to do
there telling me and there telling you
what is the reasons for us to be
i know what i want, i know what i see
what can i see...i don't quite know
in my life, feelings i can't show
what my is life and what is it worth
s

well...

according to sarah, she wants to be "good" now...im not trying to be sarcastic, but i put that in quotes so only the person who reads it and KNOWS what it means will understand...

but anyway, i got kinda pissed, but i felt bad because i was being selfish...and we talked and she cried because she was afraid i was gonna leave her or something..but im not, and i never planned on it...its just tough to be used to something and get it cut off all of the sudden...

well....
today i visited the emergency room...
certain substances entered my body...and i had a bad reaction

the following conditions i suffered: .a racing heartbeat of 164 .freezing cold hands .dry mouth and throat .twitching of the muscles(DT's) .extreme fear and paranoia .lots of crying

indeed i will never do this again...and i feel horrible for it...

-click

sarah had this dream..

we were watching TV in her room and holding hands...and then all of the sudden she felt something wierd on her hands...and it was a ring. she cried in her room cause she was so happy...i need to always remember this dream..

-blip

well, im a bit depressed still.

dad somehow had an idea that i was gonna have sarah over to our house for valentines day.

and then i was a total jerk yesterday...cause of this whole dumb thing about sex....which just kinda got me upset...

i still got her something cool....and hopefully tomorrow will rock...

Well. i've gone for 2 days almost...

doing good
-click

today, im going to stop smoking...for v-day, i will be smoke free for exactly 5 days...and then i am done...actually i guess im quitting now...but im gonna tell sarah for v-day..unless i decide to tell her before...

but this is my promise...and i will keep it

-stephen john davis

sometimes....you gotta have your bad days(or nights)
i wuz, at sarah's today...and things just kinda were bummed...i think alot of it was cause of me.

firstly...i thought she was upset at me about certain things...and she was online emailing me when i was there, so i thought it was gonna be one of those "i can't tell you while your here but i need to tell you this" types of emails....

i need to write this down

i had this wierd dream...