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Comment Re:Hallucinations (Score 1) 605

I put myself through college working grave shift security in Silicon Valley. At first they put me in a patrol car. I would drive endlessly around empty parking lots. Really slow. I would play a game where I would rest my eyes for 10 seconds. Then it became "I'm going to lean my head against the window and just rest it for a little bit." (I would be cruising down the parking lot at 5 mph.)

One night I woke up in the bushes. I had fallen asleep, the car went over the curb and into some bushes. The car survived but the bushes were toast.(Everybody beat the hell out of those cars anyways so no one noticed.) I went straight to the office in the morning and demanded a desk job.

Comment Re:Only in foreseeable (Score 1) 743


This feature would be useful for my sister-in-law, who is the worst driver I know or have ever heard of. She's kind of an accident-savant, she's been in seven accidents that have all been ruled "technically not her fault" --but that any other driver probably would have avoided. I dont know how she does it.

Comment Can't wait. (Score 1) 743

I can't wait for the car that detects a catastrophic collision and instantly fills the interior with an oxygenated gel that infiltrates the lungs and all orifices so there's no pressure differential between your body and the surrounding gel. And the interior walls and windows of the car would have nanotubes that repel or lessen the effect of sharp objects.

Would be a bitch if it accidentally went off in a minor fender-bender, you'd be pooping gel for days.

Comment Re:But what makes it a sex offense? (Score 1) 630

My friend is an alcoholic. Years ago he was pissing on a tree in San Francisco near an elementary school. It was after the bars closed on a Saturday morning so I doubt any children were ever in danger of seeing my friend's wang.

A cop pulled up, saw my friend and put him through the whole hands up thing. (Unfortunately my friend is also a total smart-ass to anyone in authority when drunk.) He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and lewd behaviour within 100 yrds of an elementary school. He was about to be fucked royally.

My friend went before the judge, who fortunately recognized that my friend is a drunk who was taking a piss at 2am. He came very close to having his life fucked.

Social Networks

Australian Court Lets Lawyer Serve Papers Via Facebook 204

a302b writes "A Canberra lawyer has been permitted to serve legal documents via Facebook for a couple who defaulted on a loan. He claims he needed to do this because he was unable to track them down to a physical address. At what point does our online presence become 'real?' And what opportunities are available for fraud, if social networking sites are considered legal representations of ourselves, even when they can be anonymously created under any name?"

Comment Years ago. (Score 5, Funny) 310

My mom enrolled me in computer summer school. Mainly because I was too young to stay home while she was at work.

Anyways, at this 'summer camp', they introduced us to terms like "Quality" and "Assurance" They sat the more promising students in a separate room doing QA and filing bug reports for a children's software maker.

It was basically a QA sweatshop. I was filing bug reports and turning them into the "teacher/manager". I began getting stressed about deadlines and shit. I was 10.

Many of the parents, including mine, were happy we were working on state of the art Apple IIs. I told my mom what we were doing and she said "Sounds like fun."

They wouldn't get away with that shit today.

Comment Re:Shit (Score 4, Informative) 568

Hell, I'm an alcoholic and drank heavily throughout my twenties. (And worked at various dot-coms in the good-old days. Was fired from a couple less liberal environments for showing up drunk in the morning. (I'm reminded of Lionel Hutz, who offers Marge a drink and pulls out a bottle. She says "It's 9am!" And he says "That's all right, I haven't slept for days." That was me.))

Anyways, I was a complete dick. I said really hurtful things to people. Sometimes people come up to me and say "hey, remember when you said 'blah blah blah' to George?" No. I really don't. I'm an alcoholic.

If you could be convicted for being a complete and utter asshole IRL, I would be in jail right now. Serving out a sentence for things I don't even remember doing.

(I quit drinking 4 years ago and am doing much better thank you.)

Comment Re:Do they run vista? (Score 1) 785

If you're not in America you wouldn't really get gun culture here. Many people think that when the government starts knocking on doors to take people's guns, that's the time we're going to need them the most. And I don't really disagree with them, although I've never even fired a gun. (I will get one for the zombie apocalypse though--which is about as real to me as another American Revolution would be, maybe even more real.)

The gun owners I know are responsible enthusiasts. In fact, I've never even known a person who's been shot, or had a family memeber shot, contrary to what you might hear about the US.

Comment Recent conversation with co-worker (Score 1) 176

I recently had a mind-blowing conversation with the new maintenance guy. He's got one of those macho, forceful personalities that can't withstand criticism or anything against what he 'knows'. (Actual conversation. I wrote it down after to keep it fresh.)

Anyways, we were talking about the internet. He says "I read the internet all the time. I keep up on all the news. "

Then he says "You know those two Google guys are gay right?"

I say "Well, one is married and the other is about to be married. So unless they're on the Downlow, I don't think they're gay."

He says "Oh, I mean those two YouTube guys. And the Myspace guys. You know Google owns Myspace right?"

I say "Well, Google bought YouTube, but I don't think they have anything to do with MySpace."

He says "Yeah, Google bought MySpace. Anyways, those guys are gay. And I was also reading about the inventor of the internet!"

(I"m thinking "Tim Berners-Lee???? DARPA??? Who is he going to say is the inventor of the internet?)

He says" Yeah the inventor of the internet---MARK CUBAN."

I'm flabbergasted. Mark Cuban.

I say "Mark Cuban sold the site called and became a billionaire. But he didn't invent the internet."

He says "Yeah he invented the BROWSER."

I say "I don't think he invented the browser. The first browser was called MOSAIC and invented by a bunch of specialists working for a university or the government or something."

He says "No he invented the internet.

I don't know what to say at this point and just say "uhhhhhhhh....ok.....Looks like you've been doing a lot of reading the internets."

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