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Journal munger1102-18's Journal: How to interact with parents when you're an adult 22

Journal by munger1102-18
Deborah Tannen has written widely on how to get along with the people you love. Read this chapter from her most recent book about effective communication between adult family members. Do her recommendations make sense?

Do your parents still treat you like a child even though you are now (technically, at least) an adult? How should parents' behavior to their kids change when they turn 18? Should adult children still defer to their parents? Why or why not?

I'm suggesting that you explore this topic as a potential topic for essay 4. Write at least two comments for this journal entry, and we'll discuss them in class next week as we begin work on essay 4.

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How to interact with parents when you're an adult More

How to interact with parents when you're an adult

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  • I am twenty years old, and my mother still tries to tell me what to do. Especially when I come home to visit. Because I am the oldest, and as soon as I walk through the house door, she forgets she has other children and is constantly telling me what to do (like get me a cup of coffee, hand me the remote, etc..). This is very annoying because I am so use of doing things on my term, and not someone else's. Even when I told her I was changing my major from pre-med to elementary education, she still thought
    • i agree. i tis a parent's job to harass you with petty things that could have never been said in the first place. i think that you should respect your parents because they deserve respect. i also think you should repsect your elders in general.
    • i would never dream of ever disrespecting my parents or any other adult. i was raised to respect those older than you or in an authoritative position. everything my parents do, they do for me, and i would never overlook taht just to be a brat about something minor like them giving me advice. even though sometimes their advice isn't wanted or is a little overbearing, it doesn't even measure up to the amount of times they've given me useful and meaningful advice. in my situation, the good out-weighs the ba
  • My father, like most Vietnamese parents, is very strict and authoritive. He treats my brother (31), my three sisters (28, 24, 22) and me like babies sometimes. Everything that we do needs his consent or approval. Whether my brother wants to change the paint on his shop's wall to my kind of girl friend he should have. In fact, my brother is very sad and upset now because my father does not like the girl that he's dating. He told my brother that if my brother marries "that bad girl" (my father never even
  • my parents are strict when they need to be. When i was in middle school i tried to test them a lot and i pushed my limits, when i found out that they meant business about their rules.. then i would start to obey them. i think every kid will test their parents authority. My dad just simply tells me that if i cant live by his rules in his house then i can live somewhere else. Now that i am older i realize that my parents never asked that much of me, nor were they too strict. I used to never get along with my
    • i wrote way more than i thought i could on this topic.. this might be a good one for essay 4 and i didnt know it yet... also, my boyfriends mom is way too strict, shes overprotective about him and the girls he dates. any girl who comes between him and her is the devil, essentially. in which case he then rebels against her, and he doesnt go home to see them much.. he visits me instead, and they used to threaten him with not paying for college, but after i said i would help him with it- his mom cant hold that
    • I totally agree with you. all kids do test their parents' authority. the important thing is both the parents AND the kids know their limits. parents shouldn't be too strict and kids shouldn't be too bratty (?) Both definitely need to have a good understanding of each other.
    • I agree with your opinion. Medium is the best way to keep a good relationship with their parents. I think too stricts or too lenients are not good for each of them. I know there are many troubles between parents and children. I think both of them should effort to make a good relationship.
    • I too have been lucky to have a mother that was not too strict or too lenient on me in the past. Now that I am in college she is always looking out for my interest. Of course she will get upset with me or try to make me do what she wants but only when I am messing up or making a mistake she knows I shouldn't. She gives me my space but also is there in my life.
      • I agree, I think that most parents who are too strict are control freaks. Their lives are out of control and being strict with their kids is their way of controlling what they can. It just builds walls in families because they cannot communicate with each other.
        • I don't know about this for a topic for essay 4, maybe others can find more to write about it than I can. I think that americans as a whole have a difficult time communicating. Its the lack of perfection which makes us unique, not being perfect. It seems like I hear couples speaking to each other so direspectfully and putting each other down in front of their children and their friends. Or yelling at their kids in front of other people, like it's okay! I'm embarrassed for them. Kids are supposed to make
  • My mother is great! She gives me the amount of space that i need yet she is very involoved in my life. She has never really been strict with me, because she doesn't have to. I respect her enough that i know what is right and wrong. I feel that we have a great relationship. She always gives me advice, but she never demands that i do something. She knows that i have to experiece life just like she did. Not to say that she would let me do whatever i wanted. Of course there are limits, but i respect that and l
    • my mother is the same way. however she always wants to add her 2cents in but ultimetly the choices i make are up to me. a lot of her advice does seem to feel more like pressure to do something her way but i for the most part i know its only because she cares.
  • I think my parents are great. When I was a child, I just followed their words. I am an only child, so they gave me a lot of stricts and limits. At that time I regarded that as concern about me. They also gave me a lot of chances to think about something before I made decision. I have belived them, and they also have believed me forever. I think I have a good relationship with my parents.
  • i think a lot of parents still try to hold on to their kids as "children" during college years, because they feel it is their right as the person who pays tuition. i've made the mistake of allowing my father to control most of my finances, assuming that i would be too busy and confused to deal with them on my own. he uses that a lot as leverage. it seems that he kind of holds it over my head when it comes to personal decisions about what i'm doing.
    • Very good point, parents tend to take anything that they can as leverage. That isn't cool in my book, but I know that it is the way the world turns. I would love to put an end to being dependant, just because that is one of the only things they can really bring me down with.
      • good point. right now i am trying to work my ass off so that my parents cant use money as leverage on me. but hopefully one day we all will be dependant and they wont be able to control us with the money issue.
  • I believe that if parents try to buckle down on their kids it will drive them to make decisions that they normally may not do. Everyone goes through a rebellion stage but once a person is in college the decisions they make are not because they want to do whatever their parents don't want them to do like it may have been in the past. If a kid is kept locked down by their parents while they are in college it may cause them to not follow out with their original plans for the future or might restrict them fro
  • One of the things that I learned from my father was not to say anything to anyone unless it was a compliment or encouragement. That's how he lived his life. However, my sister who grew up in the same house, felt that it is her duty to inform everyone who will listen every detail of what is wrong with them. I am here to say that because she has such criticism for everyone, nothing she says can be taken in a positive manner, even when she tries. Criticism is not loving or kind ever, it's destructive and h
  • My parents are strange, they tend to look at me as an adult now, It seems to be contrary to popular belief, I mean there is the occasional do this or do that. Mainly i get the "if you would like to" they seem to do the reverse psychology. It seems to work, the thing that they still complain about is my night life, but them seemingly don't mind, they know that i am an adult now, so they seem to ask me to do adult like things
  • my parents are great and have always been. there was times in my 9th and 10th grade years when i thought they were way to strict but they kind of blew over. since i have turned 18 our relationship hasnt changed that much. i mean they understand that i am an adult and they treat me like an adult. they expect me to make my own decisions and to suffer the consequences of them. so when i screw up they make me deal with them. they also support all the time. my mom has always treated me like an equal to her.
  • my parents are very strict. they beleive in very old school ways. its like they dont want to modelize there though with the rest of the world. im 19 years old and i dont even have conrtol over the money i have been saving up since my jr. year in high school. they just recenlt start to losen up since i have left for school but my mother still isnt willing to let go being that i am the oldest and first off to college

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