CEO Manual ---
Some studies have shown that CEO’s are typically Psychopaths, that seems like a really derogatory term and we may not know its definition. The important thing
is that this is not an English class and we don’t care about definitions. The one thing that you need to remember as you transition into your new role is to detach
yourself from the needs and wants of those who work for you. This way you can insure that you are only doing what is best for the company.
Chapter 1 – Let’s get going
Congratulations on getting a new Job as CEO! This is a big accomplishment in your life. Part of this new Job will be to optimize profits. The easiest way to
increase profits is by cutting costs and the quickest way to do this is to lay people off. Don’t worry you don’t need them anyway.
Pareto’s principle says that 20% of your employees do 80% of the work and that is exactly how many people you need to let go is 20%. This is because the lazy
80% aren't pulling their weight and by letting the productive 20% go you will empower those 80% to pull their own weight.
Don’t know who those productive 20% are? It doesn't really matter, any 20% will do.
You can even make a game of it. First start by making a list, then draw a polygon on it, where the lines meet the names, you have your 20%, maybe more if you lucky.
Chapter 2 – Go East young man
Outsourcing to India is the craze nowadays. Besides India being a type of food you can also send work there. Before picking up the phone and calling your local
Indian restaurant answer these questions first. Do you have programmers or a customer service number that people need to call? Great then you can outsource to India.
You are actually doing your employees a favor by outsourcing them. If they have been working at your company more than a few years, then chances are they
have gotten lazy and need to find a new job.
Your employees should have no problem training their replacements. This will also bring a multicultural flavor to your company.
You will also expose your customers to new people from countries where they will probably never travel. This will enrich their lives.
Chapter 3 – Go even Easter
India is not the only type of food that is good. Have you ever eaten Chinese? Chinese food comes from China which if you do any manufacturing is where you will
If you haven’t heard by now, China is world known for manufacturing products that are higher quality and lower cost than anywhere else in the world.
Your customers will also thank you and since they are getting a far superior product, you will need to raise your prices by the same 20% that you used in Chapter 1 to cut your staff.