How about turning all that excrement into a meat substitute? http://www.examiner.com/technology-in-national/japanese-scientist-claims-can-turn-excrement-into-meat-substitute

How much space debris can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck space debris?

Would you 'plug' into a blowup doll you found on the street? What about a dildo? Not likely but I suspect people still do it. Let the users who find these peripherals be the judge of whether they expose their 'hardware' to these risks...

I guess he won't be making varsity football this year. Foozbal is for the devil anyway...