Comment the story buzzword2.0 was afraid to publish (Score 3, Funny) 379
2003 Employment Outlook
What are you Really Worth?
In a breaking news flash, buzzword2.0 announces that the 2003 Employment Outlook still sucks. To confirm this claim, buzzword2.0 decided to interview all 127,000 people in the San Jose area unemployment line. To our surprise, 97.876 people said that after they got pinked slipped from their web programmer positions, life has truely sucked.
'I tried to get a job at BurgerBling,' states Joe Smith, 'but they said I was under qualified. Something about lack of any real skill. Now I'm here at the unemployment line.'
Jane Jones says, 'The biggest regret I had in college was to switch my major from deep sea basket english to CS (computers and stuff). I could be doing so much more for the world. But at least I'm making more here than at my previous job.'
buzzword2.0 decided to also interview managers regarding Outlook 2003. Most said that they weren't going to implement Outlook 2003 because they were happy with Outlook 98.
buzzword2.0 didn't stop here. We decided to interview upper management. Warren Whitecollar, senior VP of computers and stuff at International Layoff Machine stated, '[I] really don't know why I laid off 30% of my work force... I was golfing with my friend from Federated Slavery at the Kentucky Kountry Klub, and he told me he laid off 25% of his employees. So I just had to lay off more than him, and replace our help desk team with Indonesian Pigmy Chimps. It worked out great!'
Finally, buzzword2.0 interviewed the heart of Outlook 2003 Gloom... Wall Street. Here is the transcript of the interview we had with investment guru Rober Poorman:
B20: What do you think of the Outlook for 2003/2004?
RP: Sucks...
B20: Well, is it going to get better anytime soon?
RP: It's not really supposed to. We're still profiting off of 9/11 tragedy and the dot com boom we invented.
B20: What's that supposed to mean?
RP: It's kind of hard to find new investors, pardon me, I mean suckers to buy the new stocks we just printed up right now. Plus it'll take us at least a year to architect another 'boom', market it, hype it and sell it. This will give us enough time to print out a few million more shares. Rinse, lather, ripoff.
B20: That's horrible...
RP: I know. You want to buy some stock? Because if you're not, I'm late for a power lunch I'm hosting with some single mother's life savings.
b20: No! Well that concludes this article. Next week we'll publish Outlook 2003 2.0.
In a breaking news flash, buzzword2.0 announces that the 2003 Employment Outlook still sucks. To confirm this claim, buzzword2.0 decided to interview all 127,000 people in the San Jose area unemployment line. To our surprise, 97.876 people said that after they got pinked slipped from their web programmer positions, life has truely sucked.
'I tried to get a job at BurgerBling,' states Joe Smith, 'but they said I was under qualified. Something about lack of any real skill. Now I'm here at the unemployment line.'
Jane Jones says, 'The biggest regret I had in college was to switch my major from deep sea basket english to CS (computers and stuff). I could be doing so much more for the world. But at least I'm making more here than at my previous job.'
buzzword2.0 decided to also interview managers regarding Outlook 2003. Most said that they weren't going to implement Outlook 2003 because they were happy with Outlook 98.
buzzword2.0 didn't stop here. We decided to interview upper management. Warren Whitecollar, senior VP of computers and stuff at International Layoff Machine stated, '[I] really don't know why I laid off 30% of my work force... I was golfing with my friend from Federated Slavery at the Kentucky Kountry Klub, and he told me he laid off 25% of his employees. So I just had to lay off more than him, and replace our help desk team with Indonesian Pigmy Chimps. It worked out great!'
Finally, buzzword2.0 interviewed the heart of Outlook 2003 Gloom... Wall Street. Here is the transcript of the interview we had with investment guru Rober Poorman:
B20: What do you think of the Outlook for 2003/2004?
RP: Sucks...
B20: Well, is it going to get better anytime soon?
RP: It's not really supposed to. We're still profiting off of 9/11 tragedy and the dot com boom we invented.
B20: What's that supposed to mean?
RP: It's kind of hard to find new investors, pardon me, I mean suckers to buy the new stocks we just printed up right now. Plus it'll take us at least a year to architect another 'boom', market it, hype it and sell it. This will give us enough time to print out a few million more shares. Rinse, lather, ripoff.
B20: That's horrible...
RP: I know. You want to buy some stock? Because if you're not, I'm late for a power lunch I'm hosting with some single mother's life savings.
b20: No! Well that concludes this article. Next week we'll publish Outlook 2003 2.0.
