And, OMG, this is posted by CMDRTaco himself!!! (Score 1)

Good Heavens! Email me! I'll come on over and build a solution for you. (I built a rosewood/teak/mahogany serving tray for a Rockefeller that remains one of his favorite possessions. Do you doubt that I can resolve your modest request?) And I build pergolas, redesign island properties, create virtual realities, whatever. What I do not understand is how a man of your considerable gifts has not already resolved this issue 15 times over.