I have this same situation where I work. The reason for the gaslighting obviously is that the ahole *wants* me to quit. That is the whole point. So everyone here saying "Quit! Quit!" is just playing into the hopes of the gaslighter. However, finding a job is not so easy anymore, so just giving up because it sucks is not entirely an option. Especially since it tends to happen at every job. (I am a female engineer). What I find works best is just stick to your guns as best you can, diplomatically and logically (What would Spock do?), but since he is in a superior position (lead engineer), I frequently have to 'Disagree but Commit' in the interest of getting things done. If he truly is an ahole - it's not happening only to you. In my case, the ahole has made enemies of all the other teams and departments we interact with. He's a moron who is driving us over a cliff, IMO, but I gotta make a living. I point out the errors in the plans he makes, he pretends he didn't hear or can't understand the reasoning. Eventually I will quit, probably after I hit the two year mark (6 months to go) and then go to another job where another ahole awaits. Or maybe, maybe there is a job with no aholes. I pray for this my entire life, hasn't happened yet. Best of luck.