Comment Managing Expectations. (Score 1) 466
What's happened here is you were being a nice guy and got turned into a doormat.
I'm not sure what, if any of the below will be of value.
Experiences:
- I started building systems when I was in my teens as a student business. Started with family, friends, and moved outwards from there.
- As a teenager money was great, but I had no clue on how to manage people's expectations of what they were getting from me. Fair to Pareto, 80% of the work I did was great, the 20% that was a headache made me want to quit it all.
- The better I got at fixing things, the more garbage I seemed to attract
Realizations:
- Every relationship has its cost. If you can bear it, and are being given to in a way that makes things worthwhile for both of you, you wouldn't be here.
- I realized that becoming known as a person who dealt with garbage and had the capacity to come out on top and have it sorted it out attracted even more problems. Last minute things that could have been brought up earlier, emergencies that at the end of the day cost me more in the one thing I could never earn enough of, time.
- Offers to pay: can be bad because someone who is abusing your time will be even more righteously empowered to possibly say "I PAID YOU". I've found it far better to put the onus on them to remember, take notes if they have to in their own shorthand. That way if you told them once not to do something and made them write it down, and they forgot, once, twice, sooner or later you can point out that they arent putting in their due effort. I run my own consulting firm now and deal directly with small and medium business owners. If they can be trained to build better habits, anyone can.
- It's better to say that you'd rather do what you can for free, offer to help them fix it once and properly if they're willing to be partners in that change, including them having to learn and maybe even, remotely, understand a thing beyond looking at you with deer eyes.
Litmus tests:
- Where there isn't a mutual respect of one anothers time, things are often going to end up awry for one reason or another anyways.
- Where people don't want computers as much now, I get asked a lot for laptops. I have a good deal specced out from Acer, Dell and a few other suppliers I can purchase through cheaper than stores. I load them up with a 3-4 year warranty, sometimes even with accidental coverage. I like helping nice people, am gainfully employed elsewhere and don't mind helping someone save a few dollars. So I don't make anything on it. This absolves me of any involvement, and it becomes Dell's responsibility to service. Shoudl they fail, I have to go in and shake some trees, but that has been much less.
- When people cross compare/shop. Stick to your guns. I have a rule that the only successful computer I get someone is one that I never hear back about again. If you find people who are willing to listen, spend a little, buy the right antivirus/firewall software to protect them, I often forget I ever helped them. I had even forgotten I got my own cousin a laptop a year ago because I never heard about it again.
- Push people to become self sufficient. If something is broken, dont jump in and go click crazy. Install a remote control software, watch them over the phone, make them do all the clicking. They hate having to click through their own problems when you could be doing it for them. Most people will take the path of least resistance. You have a choice in that. You can do it for them and train them to keep coming back, or train them that if you have to take your time to help them, they will have to pay attention and be a part of it. Man, do they hate it. The freebies stop calling. It does sink in over time. Empowering them to know what to do or try before having to call you is great.
- Managing Family: if you're good with computers, you have to be respected. if that means lockign down computers because they keep breaking over and over, load up the policies, and secure it. I do it a lot for my nieces and nephews computers. They don't have spyware as a result when I'm scanning all web traffic. I don't care if they think their internet is broken, if they're reaching somewhere with spyware they shouldn't be there anyways. Bonus. With aunts/uncles/siblings, it goes back to the mutual respect thing. Either they join you as a partner to learn and grown themselves and not keep you around as a walking stick isntead of a crutch until they can walk on their own.
- Managing Friends: Its nicer with them.. If they want to buy a laptop from my contacts, I tell them they must have a 3 yr wty or I won't talk to them. I also tell them they're free to go buy something, and when it breaks, to not call me unless it's life and death, because they will have that issue. I ask them to think of what that headache could be worth in a crunch time. Some listen, others don't, but I make it clear that what I spec out is a take it or leave it kind of deal. I do advise them on something on sale, but leave it at that.
- If something breaks, like a hard drive, or some true emergency, I'll help out. If they're being stupid and wont' buy a firewall or antivirus, I'll clean it out once and say if they don't buy it, or it happens again, I can't be expected to drop anything and will have to do it on my own schedule, which could be days, weeks, or months, but I would be happy to find someone they can hire should they be in a crunch. I'll stop here and post more should it be helpful. Best of luck :)
I'm not sure what, if any of the below will be of value.
Experiences:
- I started building systems when I was in my teens as a student business. Started with family, friends, and moved outwards from there.
- As a teenager money was great, but I had no clue on how to manage people's expectations of what they were getting from me. Fair to Pareto, 80% of the work I did was great, the 20% that was a headache made me want to quit it all.
- The better I got at fixing things, the more garbage I seemed to attract
Realizations:
- Every relationship has its cost. If you can bear it, and are being given to in a way that makes things worthwhile for both of you, you wouldn't be here.
- I realized that becoming known as a person who dealt with garbage and had the capacity to come out on top and have it sorted it out attracted even more problems. Last minute things that could have been brought up earlier, emergencies that at the end of the day cost me more in the one thing I could never earn enough of, time.
- Offers to pay: can be bad because someone who is abusing your time will be even more righteously empowered to possibly say "I PAID YOU". I've found it far better to put the onus on them to remember, take notes if they have to in their own shorthand. That way if you told them once not to do something and made them write it down, and they forgot, once, twice, sooner or later you can point out that they arent putting in their due effort. I run my own consulting firm now and deal directly with small and medium business owners. If they can be trained to build better habits, anyone can.
- It's better to say that you'd rather do what you can for free, offer to help them fix it once and properly if they're willing to be partners in that change, including them having to learn and maybe even, remotely, understand a thing beyond looking at you with deer eyes.
Litmus tests:
- Where there isn't a mutual respect of one anothers time, things are often going to end up awry for one reason or another anyways.
- Where people don't want computers as much now, I get asked a lot for laptops. I have a good deal specced out from Acer, Dell and a few other suppliers I can purchase through cheaper than stores. I load them up with a 3-4 year warranty, sometimes even with accidental coverage. I like helping nice people, am gainfully employed elsewhere and don't mind helping someone save a few dollars. So I don't make anything on it. This absolves me of any involvement, and it becomes Dell's responsibility to service. Shoudl they fail, I have to go in and shake some trees, but that has been much less.
- When people cross compare/shop. Stick to your guns. I have a rule that the only successful computer I get someone is one that I never hear back about again. If you find people who are willing to listen, spend a little, buy the right antivirus/firewall software to protect them, I often forget I ever helped them. I had even forgotten I got my own cousin a laptop a year ago because I never heard about it again.
- Push people to become self sufficient. If something is broken, dont jump in and go click crazy. Install a remote control software, watch them over the phone, make them do all the clicking. They hate having to click through their own problems when you could be doing it for them. Most people will take the path of least resistance. You have a choice in that. You can do it for them and train them to keep coming back, or train them that if you have to take your time to help them, they will have to pay attention and be a part of it. Man, do they hate it. The freebies stop calling. It does sink in over time. Empowering them to know what to do or try before having to call you is great.
- Managing Family: if you're good with computers, you have to be respected. if that means lockign down computers because they keep breaking over and over, load up the policies, and secure it. I do it a lot for my nieces and nephews computers. They don't have spyware as a result when I'm scanning all web traffic. I don't care if they think their internet is broken, if they're reaching somewhere with spyware they shouldn't be there anyways. Bonus. With aunts/uncles/siblings, it goes back to the mutual respect thing. Either they join you as a partner to learn and grown themselves and not keep you around as a walking stick isntead of a crutch until they can walk on their own.
- Managing Friends: Its nicer with them.. If they want to buy a laptop from my contacts, I tell them they must have a 3 yr wty or I won't talk to them. I also tell them they're free to go buy something, and when it breaks, to not call me unless it's life and death, because they will have that issue. I ask them to think of what that headache could be worth in a crunch time. Some listen, others don't, but I make it clear that what I spec out is a take it or leave it kind of deal. I do advise them on something on sale, but leave it at that.
- If something breaks, like a hard drive, or some true emergency, I'll help out. If they're being stupid and wont' buy a firewall or antivirus, I'll clean it out once and say if they don't buy it, or it happens again, I can't be expected to drop anything and will have to do it on my own schedule, which could be days, weeks, or months, but I would be happy to find someone they can hire should they be in a crunch. I'll stop here and post more should it be helpful. Best of luck
