Stop by any local metal fabricator - give buddy a six-pack and have him smush them in a press. Takes 5 seconds, and if you put them in standing on edge, they smush up real good. smush.

I'm convinced this is a masterful troll, but lack the patience to confirm. I bow to your skill, sir.

yes

is that a nickname for himself or did he mean organized religion?

Ari Vatanen racing up pike's peak: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKgeCQGu_ug