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Journal Journal: End of the year blues 1

Ahh, a place to say what I really want to say, without fear of my employers tying this to me. I do have a blog, yes, but somehow Google has tied my name to that blog (do a search for my name, and the blog is #3 on the results). I don't understand it - I never had my name listed on it anywhere...but oh well.

I don't want to be rich. I just want to have enough money to take care of the bills, and to not be worried about unforseen expenses. I don't want to be stinking filty rich, just secure. Maybe they are the same thing, I don't know. All I do know is that right now I am about as far away from that goal as east is as far from west.

I lost my job earlier this month. What a low-down, rotten thing for my employer to do. He told me he hired me for my design skills and support experience, but I think he just hired me to fill the time lost by an employee taking paternity leave. Now that he's back, there is nothing more for me to do, and my hours have been taken away. I haven't had a full day's work since before Thanksgiving, and I was told by my boss in the first week of December that it might be a good idea to look in to other contract positions to fill the time. Thank you so bloody much, bastard.

Fire me right before Christmas. Yeah, great. Then I get hit by the worst flu I've ever had, knocking me flat on my ass for a solid week, so I can't go job hunting during that time. And now it's two days before Christmas, and the likelyhood of securing employment before the new year is second-cousin to nil.

I should give it all up and be a chef, or something else non-computer related. I'm starting to think that my interest in computers is purely as an enthusiast/hobbyist, and not professional. I'm not a valueable as a programmer, analyst, web designer...about the only thing that really interest me is administration, but I have no training in that, and I have limited experience with server-level OSes. Some experience, yes, but there's no way I could run one by myself.

I'm just screwed, feeling hopeless. I don't know what to do. If it were just me, I wouldn't feel so panicked, but I have a family to support, and I can't. I don't know what to do.

I know that nobody really cares, if anyone cares enough to read this at all. But it feels good to just get it all out. The stupid bastard running Alpheon. Reminder to self: the bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

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"Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core." -- Hannah Arendt.