In other news, the pox just adopted mark-to-market accounting practices.
I figure this is how it works with The Donald, too. He wakes up in the morning with a novel idea for how to litigate one of his business partners—also known as contractual co-signatories—and mentally adds $300 million tax free to his personal net worth as he flosses his astonishingly sharp teeth.
Pity this won't show up on his tax returns for years and years. This, however, is also good—it will probably take five to ten years to amass the necessary 200 pages of tax offsets against correspondingly novel loopholes in the federal tax code.
Trump: "Good morning, Bernie, looks like we have a new long-term project."
Senior minion [whose name isn't actually 'Bernie']: Excellent! Whose blood are we drinking, this time?
Trump: Ah, that building in, ah, the Trump crap whatsitsname, you know, the building from that deal, summer of 2013, where we saw the chick with the really great rack as we walked through the lobby on the way to get the Mexican food that was okay, but not-at-all what we expected, so we left no tip.
Senior minion: Yes, of course, the really great rack—who could forget—before the awesomely authentic burritos which were not-at-all satisfactory. I'll get right on it.
Phone call ends.
Senior minion [addressing staff]: About face! Leaches, march!
Back at the Mar-a-Lago Faraday cage, Trump does a little mental arithmetic. "Let's see, ten point one plus zero point three equals ten point four. Nice." Here he pauses for a moment to let his newfound wealth fully sink in.
"What's next? Let's see, here. Focus group con-call at 11:00 with three adoring, educated black women, located—with some difficulty, to hear my staff bitch about it—in Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee. That Kellyanne, mostly I just want to strangle her, but my word I've never known a woman who can turn rocks the way she does.
Hmm, not until 11:00, there's the silver lining—still two hours away. Not much else on the schedule, looks like it's Twitter time—best part of my day, not counting lawsuits and loopholes. Ten-point-four. What will ten-point-four say today? Something pithy, or something punchy? Decisions, decisions."