Well I got the following email today:

Mr. Schlarb,

I am following up on an issue that was brought to our attention at Dell's Corporate offices. I understand from your customer account logs that you ordered a computer several weeks ago and have not yet received it.

Please let me know if you have still not received the system and if you would like a replacement computer, I will do all I can to expedite a replacement to you.

Thank you,

Mark
SMB / ATG Executive Services
Dell Inc.

So I sent a reply asking for my money back 5 hours after receiving this email and got an out of office reply saying he wouldn't be around to check email.

So awesome :-/

Well I just got an email from a Coporate Executive this morning who said he would expedite a replacement to me. I of course just asked for my money back and will be taking my business elsewhere.

Thanks for everyones great ideas and help.

-The Anyday

[close your eyes, pray for plagues]

Yeah assuming things can be crazy but I am indeed in the US Army so his assumptions were/are correct.