Humans are not spiders. We do not live to instinctively build webs based on inherited firmware.
Thank goodness for this. I had an opportunity to observe a pair of impressively large orb weaver spiders residing for several weeks in the outdoor corners of a picture window. For a while, each spun a web and kept to its corner. Then one day, one spider made its way to the other, envenomated it, and wrapped it.
I read a little about orb weavers, and learned that females frequently cannibalize males after mating, that they frequently mate with siblings, and that cannibalism of males is a little less frequent in this case.
A zerostat gun might be an option, but I think you'd need to spread out the coffee very thinly, as it just removes static from the surface of something. Did you have something else in mind?
Staticmaster, with delicious polonium, makes a fine Russian espresso.
Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan. We may as well think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant. -- Edmund Burke