except the problem here is the D.A. is a fucktard who can't add 2+2 *with* a calculator

Retransmit a handful of stations [converted to analog] over leaky coax + directional antennae?
Perhaps this might give you some ideas: http://www.repeater-builder.com/tech-info/passive.html

it's real as shit and it barely nicks a hot dog: http://www.sawstop.com/howitworks/how_overview.php

Well, if you want opinions, you're in the right place...
You've likely gained yourself a couple thousand customers by being visible here

so will your axle