cjb658's Journal: I hate phones

I hate phones. Perhaps it's because I've been spoiled by IM and email, but I find these particularly devices extremely annoying.

Imagine a device that would allow anyone anywhere to cause an infernal racket wherever you are; a racket that would appear to be coming from you. Now imagine that the noise was supposed to alert you that you need to drop whatever you're doing and take care of a person nowhere near you- right now.

That's a phone. And it's quite possibly the most annoying device ever created. Worst of all, when you answer your phone, especially at work, you have to SOUND CHEERFUL! So if you're in a bad mood and pissed off at some idiot who is making your life a living hell, you have to put your feelings aside and FORCE yourself to be happy. NOTHING MAKES ME ANGRIER THAN BEING FORCED TO BE HAPPY!

Sometimes when people call me, they say "it's so good to hear your voice." This makes me EVEN MORE ANGRY because they LOVE this device. It's like Satan is a phone, and they're worshiping the devil!

Okay, phones are helpful in a few special cases- like when you're standing in front of a friend's house and your friend doesn't answer the door, and you need to communicate with him- NOW.

That's called an emergency. And that's about all phones are good for: emergencies.

Alas, a savior is on its way: the smartphone. Now I have the freedom to communicate with people from anywhere, without having to sound cheerful, and at a time that I get to choose. And text communication uses only about 1/1000th of the bandwidth of a phone!

Unfortunately, many people do not believe the smartphone is the messiah and continue to call me on the phone, or not respond to emails, forcing me to call them on the phone.

That is why we must BAN PHONES! Make them illegal! BURN THE HEATHENS!