I've been writing in my LiveJournal every day since mid-January -- http://citizenc.livejournal.com.
Right now, I am listening to:
Clint Mansell - Requiem For A Dream - 20 - Fall - Marion Barfs.mp3
This song is the audio version of how I'm feeling right now.
Hope is just a lucid dream you always find yourself waking from. Whenever you need hope, its never there, and it molests you when you just don't want it around.
Just some food for thought.
I'm watching The Tao of Steve right now -- this film is FANTASTIC. Even though I'm horribly depressed due to getting shot down by a girl AND losing one of my jobs in one 48-hour period, watching this movie is actually making me slightly LESS depressed. Weird.
As always, you can browse my DVD collection online here, courtesy of DVD Profiler, which is MAD cool.
CitizenC: Can I ask you something?
Person X: Of course
CitizenC: How can you tell when a girl likes you?
Person X: I dunno, depends on the girl...why?
CitizenC: Well.. I know somebody who I -THINK- has a thing for me, but she is too shy to say thing. I'm not sure how to handle the situation.
Person X Do something about it...be aggressive...may I ask who?
CitizenC: Be agressive about it..?
I want to handle the situation as delicately as possible.
Person X: Make something happen...otherwise you could lose your chance....
Are you gonna tell me who it is?
CitizenC: Maybe later. =)
I'm awful at making stuff happen, though. What would you suggest?
Person X: Tell me or I'm not helping you.
CitizenC: On the other hand, this person is a VERY flirty person, so I may be getting a false positive from that.
She's been acting shy and quiet around me more lately.. I've been told that this is because she doesn't want to do anything out of the ordinary, or
something to that effect.
Person X: That's very possible, I tend to do that to ppl accidentally....
I dunno....does she flirt with you differently? Or like she does with everyone else?
CitizenC: She's been more touchy lately, that's for sure.
Person X: That could mean something, I have no idea...
Do I know her?
CitizenC: *Pulls hair* What am I supposed to do? Should I just ask her directly? Do some crazy detective work? Ask her friends?
I don't know.. you've probably met her once or twice in passing.
Person X: Just ask her....friends usually have a pretty good idea too...
CitizenC: But I don't want it to hurt our friendship.
Person X: Asking her so that you're clear on what's going on won't hurt anything...
CitizenC: So, your advice is to just ask her straight out?
Person X: Uh huh, but if something bad happens don't blame the advice-giver
CitizenC: Interesting you should put it that way..
Person X: How come?
CitizenC: Do you still have feelings for me?
I've been getting this vibe from you for a while. I'm just curious.
Person X: No, I don't.....friends Cary, 'tis all...
You know I'm a flirt...I'm sorry though, that I give you the wrong impression
[Insert sound of heart snapping in two here.]
CitizenC: Cheers. Just clarifying. =)
Person X: Alrighty, clarifying is good
:) See, wasn't hard, was it?
CitizenC: Actually, you have absolutely no clue how difficult it was..
Person X: Yes I do, I've been in similar situations.....we have to deal with this crap, we're teenagers..
CitizenC: Heh. Nothing like this. =) I don't know.. I couldn't help but feel anger towards Cory for treating you the way that he did.
Person X: How do you know?
:) Aww..don't be angry, he's learned his lesson...maybe, I hope...
CitizenC: I don't know... honestly, lately, I've found myself missing dating you. You really are an amazing person.
Person X Really? You're not missing anything...I'm messed up...
Thank you, it's nice to feel appreciated
CitizenC: You're not messed up! However, I don't think that Cory saw the real you. He didn't appreciate you at ALL. What a dofus. =)
Person X: Yeah, he was stupid and he knows it....he heard it a lot at work..lol
CitizenC: LOL! I can only imagine.
I've been giving it a lot of thought and I think that a relationship between the two of us would work. It didn't a year ago (we both had stuff going on
then) but we are now a little older, a little wiser.
Person X: I really don't think so Cary...I just don't feel like that anymore...
I seriously think you need to move on....go meet new people, find a girl who really likes you..
CitizenC: Yeah, you're right. Ignore my rantings. =)
Well, THAT sure did suck.
Ok, I'm going to tell
"No guts, no glory."
"If you want big rewards, you have to take big risks."
Those addages of time have been haunting me all year long.
However, in the end, it is better to regret acting then regret NOT acting. I don't want to spend my life asking "what if?" all the time.
Wish me luck, because this is going to suck... hardcore.
Update@2.02 AM: Why don't any of you people ever comment on these entries? Come on! Advice! I'm begging you!
Ok, we just spent close to 5 hours together, from hanging out at my place, to going over to a friend's place, and the entire time I couldn't help but want to just hold her.
I hate keeping things from her; in this case, I feel as though I am being quite dishonest. However, I have absolutely no idea how to tell her how I feel. (I long too, don't get me wrong.)
I mean, if I knew that she felt the same way, which I think she does, then it would be tons easier. Alas, I lack that intelligence.
This is a haiku.
I'm not trying very hard.
One, two, three, four, five.
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law. -- Roy Santoro