Since qualia are nonsensical inventions of the over-imaginative egos of philosophers whose feet are not planted on scientific ground, the relationship between normal humans and philosophical zombies is one of idempotency.
And yet, it still moves me.
I don't pretend to understand the proof, but physicists are adamant that hidden variables have been ruled out.
That's a popular misconception, but almost completely untrue. J.S. Bell (of Bell's Theorem fame) himself was a proponent of DeBroglie-Bohm wave mechanics, a hidden variable theory, stating explicitly that it was consistent with his theorem and lamenting that it was given so little attention.
Bell's Theorem shows this: no local, hidden variable theory can reproduce the predictions of QM.
Now let's unpack this. First of all, it doesn't disprove local, hidden variable theories; it does provide a way to distinguish experimentally between those theories and standard QM, i.e. because they make different predictions in a specific experiment. So far, experiments (starting with Alain Aspect) are on the side of standard QM, BUT conscientious experimentalists point out that no experiment so far has precisely and pedantically fulfilled the requirements of Bell's Theorem, so there is still some wiggle room.
But let's grant for a moment that tests of Bell's Theorem are one day confirmed on the side of standard QM. All that rules out is local hidden variable theories. As Bell himself pointed out, non-local hidden variable theories, such as DeBroglie-Bohm, survive just fine (as do local, non-hidden variable theories). Basically, you have to give up either locality or "reality" [a term of art in QM]. And the more we understand about entanglement, quantum information, and related topics, the less tenable locality becomes anyway. So at this point, both flavors of non-local theory -- those with and those without hidden variables are equally supportable.
The big advantage of hidden variable theories is that they do away with the need for the "and then some magic happens" special pleading required in the other two main interpretations, where they introduce a mechanism to resolve the outcome of experiments that has no basis or description in the physical theory. (In the case of the Copenhagen interpretation, "and then the wave function instantaneously collapses everywhere at once"; in the case of Many Worlds, "and then the entire universe instantaneously splits, and you find yourself in one of the copies". And if both of those sound pretty damn non-local to you, well done.)
Unfortunately parents EGO gets in the way (of having a looser kid)
If I were funnier I would have some joke about the looseness of the kid. Instead I will just pause to wonder who is the greater loser, the one who complains about other people's academic achievements, or the one who can't manage the difference between "loser" and "looser"?
That should read
5. Divide by zero
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.