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Journal banky's Journal: More bitterness 14

Journal by banky

There's a lot in my previous post. I appreciate everyone's support. I'm going to kinda answer a lot of the threads here all at once, cause I'm lazy.

Yeah, I know bitter breaks are bad. If more people acted with a little class - no matter how much anger - the world would be a better place. I've long held that it's not bad relationships that make people crazy, it's the breakups. People run out and nail someone, which just compounds the anger and hurt. People do mean, petty things (fuck with cars, lives, etc). I know it's bad. But you have to admit, it's reflexive and almost human nature. I'm hurt, I feel awful, maybe [some behavior] will make me feel better. Let's face it: being petty is cheap, easy, and feels very good sometimes.

I also hate to break it to you, ladies, but men do get women (and keep them) by treating them like shit. Maybe not YOU (pointing at you, gentle reader), or even your friends, but if you look at a large representative slice of womanhood, it's the truth. Men take advantage of the usually low self-esteem of women by creating a weird carrot-and-stick scenario. Women usually outgrow it (it's most prevalent in mid to late 20's) but it's a fact of life. As a guy, I can say, you don't want to get into this kind of thing (once you realize how it works) but it's the total dead truth. My return to college has reaffirmed this behavior; I see and hear about it every day, as I overhear their conversations. Men are tied to their dicks, and it rules their lives; women are tied to their self-image, and it rules their life. A guy who can manipulate that, can own the woman. Once she realizes that the guy is no longer critical for her self-image, she's "free", and no longer can be manipulated in this manner. Some women probably never escape.

From the "like my life needs any more irony" department, yes, it is that time of the month. I don't think that's involved at all. She has never once had a time-of-the-month freakout in 4 years, at least one of any noticeable magnitude. But it's just so annoying to talk to someone, and they're asking more or less offhand (and in typical male fashion) "Damn, is it just PMS?" and I reply honestly. It sucks. However, again ladies... this stereotype exists for a reason. I dated a girl once with bad PMS, such that I got dumped roughly every 28 days. It's wrong for men to assume this as the reason for all the problems with women but the fact is, we've probably all been burned by this at least once.

Where are we now? I don't know, honestly. She still professes to love me. She seems to be in a weird state: emotionally she's tremendously in love, but in terms of pragmatic matters, the day to day stuff, she's angry beyond description.

If my life was a John Hughes movie, I'd concoct some scheme to win her back. (Also, I'd be better looking) Sadly it's not, so I don't now what to do. I am not going to argue or cry or try and make excuses. As far as I'm concerned, it's over. She seems to be on the fence (as of Wednesday, noonish). Who knows. I wish she'd either rip the band-aid off quick, or leave it be, but the reality is never that simple. Our lives are too intertwined to just leave (hell, I built her a whole 'closet-with-a-closet' for her stuff when she's here).

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  • If my life was a John Hughes movie, I'd concoct some scheme to win her back. (Also, I'd be better looking) Sadly it's not, so I don't now what to do. I am not going to argue or cry or try and make excuses. As far as I'm concerned, it's over. She seems to be on the fence (as of Wednesday, noonish). Who knows. I wish she'd either rip the band-aid off quick, or leave it be, but the reality is never that simple. Our lives are too intertwined to just leave (hell, I built her a whole 'closet-with-a-closet' for h
    • Is that being an asshole? Sure. But it's also being a man--strong but fair. There have been times when my marriage has been strained--and it's still there because we both decided that we weren't going to give up on each other.

      Silly me remembered something else.

      True Love is the willingness to drop your entire life and re-arrange your entire being to be with someone else. You need to know who you are, and then be willing to change who you are for someone else to know that you're really in love.

      Symapthies
      • This is fantastic, sound advice, but with a warning:

        True Love is the willingness to drop your entire life and re-arrange your entire being to be with someone else.

        This is true, but if it isn't mimic'ed by your SO, its you that gets stepped on. So heed this advice, but don't lay yourself out to be stepped on, unless you can trust that she won't take advantage.
  • I went through a really bad break-up in September. _REALLY_ bad. It hurt so much I didn't get past it for five months. I still haven't gone out on a date since it happened (although I'm _finally_ over her).

    If you really love her, and she wants to attempt to make it work, I say go for it. If she says she loves you, but can't figure out a way to make it work, I'd have to agree with planesdragon, it's not really love. That's what happened with me and my ex. She had loved me, but things had changed, and she c

  • I've long held that it's not bad relationships that make people crazy, it's the breakups.

    I couldn't agree more. If she'd have just made a clean break, then sure, it would have hurt, but at least I'd have known where I stood. As it was, she tortured me for 2 and a half months deciding whether or not she was going to stay with me, and for another month and a half after she left, deciding whether or not she was going to stay with my other third[1]. The drawn out breakup meant that I ended up feeling incredib

  • The end (Score:2)

    by Tet ( 2721 )
    As far as I'm concerned, it's over.

    I meant to add... wise decision. After the breakup, I told her that if there was any way for us to get back together, then I'd be there for her. My emotions were in turmoil at the time, and I wasn't really sure what I felt, but thought that I still wanted to be with her. It took a long while to realise that was a mistake. Although I still love her, we could never be together again. The trust is gone, and she's shown herself to be someone other than the person I thought s

  • I wish i lived near you, i'd help you with some alcohol therapy.

    I used to be pretty good with the John Hughes type schemes too...
  • ...I would like to make a long and drawn-out speech about how girls that go for guys that hurt them are not really the kinds of girls you really want for the long haul anyway, just like the kind of relationship that that results in is not really the kind of relationship you would actually want anyway, but I'm going to shut up. Oops, said too much already.

    But, what I do have to say, is about breaking up. You're right to make it final. She needs to walk out completely, or you need to toss her out of your
    • see about picking a fight somewhere

      You seem a little hung up on this business of picking fights. Any particular reason? The rest I agree with, but I'm afraid that bit just mystifies me. Perhaps I'm just wierd[1]. What does it gain? But then again, in three and a bit decades of life, I've never yet had a fight -- even at school. I guess that alone probably makes me different to the rest of the population, so maybe I'm not the best person to judge on this. It just seems a bit odd, that's all...

      [1] There w

      • Banky's not exactly a small guy, right? His disposition leans toward him being not an angry drunk, but at least a slightly smart-mouthed drunk. I'm going to bet that when he's depressed that he is a little more apt to be smart-mouthed when trashed also. This, for all intensive purposes "looks" like picking a fight. I wouldn't intend to pick a fight at all, but if what I suspect about banky is true, he would be wise to grab a friend to go out with him who'd back him up, or at least drag him out.

        Especial
        • >Banky's not exactly a small guy, right?
          6' 190 pounds, with a 54" chest and a 36" waist. A year ago I was 260+ pounds.

          >he would be wise to grab a friend to go out with him who'd back him up, or at least drag him out.
          Yeah. I have had times where I'm fucking with people and they take it very wrong, and of course any other surly drunk in the place wants to pick on the big guy.

          > Banky's an ex-marine.
          That's 'former Marine', thank you very much. :)

          > I'm proud to say I haven't lost one since 6th gra
          • Hah. I'm good. I pegged you completely, eh?

            That's ok. People are always shocked to hear that I've been in fights. I bet everyone on /. would probably be pretty suprised if they ever saw me. You'd never guess that I'm a 5'9" blonde who looks like she weighs a little over 150 but really weighs 205 from all the muscle and bone mass. I'm not big, I'm just dense. I'm the kind of strong that could give you a piggy back ride no prob.

            So when stuff goes down and the guys put their fists up, I put mine up ri
  • If I was near you I would jiggle your balls cause dammit that is the type of patriot I am!
    • Try and talk him into coming up our way (well, your way during the week) for a bar tour of Harrisburg. My couch is his couch, and I've got a puke bucket as well. There's also wifi and other network fun here.

      Damn, if that's not a drunken-nerd-based pick-up then I just don't know what one is.

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