Journal Xerithane's Journal: More babies, stupid drivers, and fun on onramps. 6
Have you ever noticed when you start to get placated into a daily routine, and things start going well, someone does something that you really wish they wouldn't be.
Like, oh say, bringing their child into the office. Again. Luckily it was a brief visit and it was a relatively quiet one. I wouldn't mind, except their cube is very near to mine, and I hear everything the child says. Now, if the child said something worth hearing, I probably wouldn't mind so much. You need to understand that this child is probably about 5, and has a younger sister that seems to have a career ahead of her as an offkey high pitched opera singer.
The 5 year old sounds like an absolute retard. He can't even say, "softball" Instead it sounds like he's sucking ice cream through a garden hose while being set on fire. Well, maybe not quite like that. But it sounds nothing like softball and it took me (and the one he was talking to) a bit of time to understand that was the word he was talking about.
It's like parents letting their children get by with their "cute" made-up words in an attempt to say something more complex. Like soft, and ball. Those words threw me through a loop when I was learning them. Like one kid, who at the age of 13 still said, "pantycakes" for pancakes. It's not cute. It's stupid. It makes your kid look like a retard.
So get junior of the short bus and teach him how to speak. The future generation thanks you in advance, he may be president and we know what happens when presidents get elected who sound about as educated as my next door neighbors pet rock. They say nuke-lure and other such drivel. It's "new-klee-er". I have some pet peeves with pronunciation and a few with spelling. I have a hard time saying a few different words, but I think it's mostly the fact I have an extremely short and fat tongue. Some words are hard for me to say. Rolling double consonants and certain accents on words are hard for me to pull off. I try, at least.
I think it's important to sit back and relax though. It gets difficult maintaining a life of complete analness. So, you make friends that fit nicely with the side of you that screams, "I need to be an ass, make an ass out of myself, or just kick some ass in chess."
Hence, the 217/Canyon Road on-ramp, and rush hour. Jon gets the great idea to make a sign, after seeing this lady with a clever sign reading "Need Help, have family. Living in Woods." We make the obvious jokes about The Woods being a luxory apartment complex across the freeway. He gets a bright idea, and asks if I have any paper and a marker in the car. I do, but it's in the trunk and we're on the onramp (during rush hour) slowly inching our way up to the control light.
He jumps out, I open the trunk and he's running behind my car and searching for the paper, marker, and a camera that is in some arbitrary location in my car. He got the paper and marker, I found the camera under my seat.
"Will Pay 4 Sex"
By the time it actually looked presentable, we were on the freeway. Convenient I forgot to get gas so we had to get off the freeway and get back on a few exits down.
He bolts up the onramp as soon as I'm slow enough for him to jump out of the car. Holding the sign up with pride, providing great entertainment for the drivers of rush hour Beaverton traffic. I'm taking pictures (Don't worry, they'll be scanned) and the reaction was great. Most people expect the typical (very typcal, there are everywhere) panhandlers asking for money.
A welcome change.
To top it all off, the hilarity ensues when I flag Jon into my car and he runs over earnestly. I'm sure that looked absolutely fantastic to those who didn't see him leap out of my car in the beginning.
All in all, it was a good day yesterday. Oh, and I met Chuck Palahniuk. Very cool guy, if anyone is interested in Portland he has a new book detailing Portland from a resident point of view. I suggest everyone pick it up, you will enjoy it. Especially if you read it after you pick it up.
pays 4 4nication (Score:1)
Chuck Pahlaniuk was badass. I've never heard someone talk about whacking off, masturbation, and getting messed up on drugs when childeren were present. Especially since it was at borders, and they were hosting him.
ya know... I'm going to show you a lullaby that you can read to this kid
see also: Lullaby (Chuch Pahlaniuk)
see also: "crib death"
Re:pays 4 4nication (Score:2)
Is this who I am thinking of? Get on AIM
Chuck Pahlaniuk was badass. I've never heard someone talk about whacking off, masturbation, and getting messed up on drugs when childeren were present. Especially since it was at borders, and they were hosting him.
"What am I doing here?"
BTW, what I was talking about with the friends/fans. To add me as a fan, click the blue ball next to my name and set me on your friends list. Then, go to your user page [slashdot.org] and go to Messaging, and set it up. Makes Slashdot much easier to navigate around in.
Re:pays 4 4nication (Score:1)
Re:pays 4 4nication (Score:2)
I guess I ruined that shit for ya. Sorry
I just finished a major portion of this app. I'm really fucking happy right now.
House Masturbation.
That is all.
10th /14th st exit off 75S in ATL (Score:2)
He had a great sign --
"Why Lie? Need A Beer!"
I'll never forget when I saw a guy give him a Coors one day. I think everyone in the traffic mess was in hysterics. And mildly jealous for not having a beer of their own.
Re:10th /14th st exit off 75S in ATL (Score:2)
"Why Lie? Need A Beer!"
The thing that bugs me about those signs is now you see them everywhere. The first time I saw one, I thought it was funny. The ensuing 152 weren't. Now they come up with new twists, "Beerless in Seattle", and what not.
I'd much prefer to see signs like, "Will perform acts of humilation or magic for your money!"