The obvious solution is to transfer human consciousness to machines and do away with mobile meat sacks. Long live the Core!

The Stargate project is finally paying off, I see.

Virtual Dishwashing features you as Sudwise Slick, the meanest soldier in the fight against the vile armies of Lord Grungeworth.

Featuring live sudsing action with wall-climbing abilities and breakneck speeds as you chain combo slides to build up the force you need to knock the grunge back into the depths of the drain. One false slip at these velocities will burst Slick's bubble and see the victory of Grungeworth's Operation Buildup, so watch your step.

I typed north, east, and even tried northeast, but it never let me go anywhere. Worst MUD ever.