1. Visit retirement home

2. Give handjobs to lonely old men for $10 a pop

My eyes glazed when I read that first TTDT attempt by Metrollica. Peabrains like me don't like to read long shit like this - I am quite the moron. And what does CPFMIS stand for? IMSTIDKWTHTCPSFAIWTTFIOBTWMMAF.

There seems to be a fatal flaw in everyone else's Things To Do Today: unlike the original AC's gems, they are far too detailed and verbose. From what I've read, the original ACTTDTs were short and sweet, two Things only, generally only one Thing per line, used periods to separate Thing numbers (not parentheses), and never ended with "Profit" (a non-troll joke). Song lyrics seemed to be a favored material source.

User #576443 claims to be the real thing...but how can I know that? His TTDTs are clearly not in the ACTTDT's style. I may post text before my TTDTs, but I think mine are the best out there, bar none. As far as IM-posters go, nobody does it better than I do. And as long as pretenders to the throne continue to kick the TTDT horse, I will continue to do the same, in more stylish shoes. Whenever the hell I feel like it.

Now, I have things to do Tuesday.

1. Take a sad song
2. Make it better